Monthly Archives: December 2002

I Screwed Up, LOL

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This is so funny…here I was writing in my journal today and when I write in my journal at a certain time, I find myself sometimes having to go by the time according to my clock. It is going to be 11 p.m. in about four minutes from now and so it is still December 31, 2002 man made time. When I had written in my journal a few minutes ago, I changed the day and month but NOT theyear! I had written in my journal all right but I was a year ahead of myself, LOL That is the funny part. So here I am, writing yet another entry, telling you of my wonderful mistake (being a year ahead of myself) and fixing it to the right day, month, and year 2002. It will be 2003, man made time in an hour now. It is now 11 p.m.. YEAH! Am I going to make to midnight…??? Well, good night for now and I will be back tomorrow. Good night y’all!

Party’s Over Now

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My company (Catie) has gone home. I just could not stay up until midnight to see the 2003 year come in this New Year’s Eve. According to the clock, New Year 2003 will be here in 2 hrs and 15 minutes. If I do stay up until midnight, it will be in private and with no one around. I still feel I had a trying day all day long! Now the party’s over and I can now have time for myself, which I did not have a whole lot of this day. I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL SCHOOL STARTS UP AGAIN BECAUSE I WILL BE AWAY FROM HERE EXCEPT ON THE WEEKENDS SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. The party’s over and I somewhat feel like a party pooper, but I really need time for myself right now. Thank goodness I have time for myself now. I am beginning to feel my breathing is coming back to normal. WHAT A DAY, HONEsTLY! Thank Goodness the party is OVER!!!

Not a Lot of Time Now

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I will be expecting Catie to be here about 7 p.m. – 10 minutes from now so I wil have more company for a while. My heart is still bothered about what happened yesterday evening and what I had to do to have time with my friends Catie and Richard. My heart still feels an ache of confusion and misunderstanding. I wish it would STOP now and not HAPPEN again! I still do not know what to think because I surely felt like I was beinig pulled in two directions and being stuck in the middle. I cried about it most of the night losing sleep and debating on not getting together with either friend there for a couple of hours while I wrestled to find some sleep. I DID NOT get more than four hours of sleep. I ended up watching Matlock at 4 a.m. this morning and FINALLY fell back to sleep on the futon after crying a little bit. The pizza will be done shortly so I better go for now. Sorry about my entries today being a little upsetting and possibly unsettling…because I am unsettled on my mind. Gotta run for now. Bye until AFTER CATIE LEAVES, ok? Bye…for now

New Year’s Eve Thoughts

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My thoughts are not on New Year’s parties or staying up late until midnight to see the New Year roll in. I am not going to have a houseful of guests this year. I am having dinner with my friend Richard shortly and then pizza with my friend Catie later this evening…if I am still hungry. the roast in the crock pot smells yummy and delicious! I can not wait until Richard gets up here to eat with me. I think, after dinner, if Richard does not mind, I am going to have some time to myself before Catie comes up so I can unwind somewhat. After yesterday’s feelings of anxiety, I just need some breathing room before I get bombarded with a whole lot of questions and words from Catie. I am not really, truly, in the mood to have a whole lot of company period today. I felt, after yesterday’s fiasco, I was spreading myself thin and tempermental today!!!! More later!!!

Anixety HIT!

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Anxiety hit tonight and the dratted tears rolled down my cheeks at a relatively good speed. HORRIBLE! A lot of thought on my platter today I guess…who knows! I could not sort it all out well. I kept bouncing to and fro on a couple of issues that really borhered me most. Those issues being about my friend Catie and how my friend Richard feels about her directly, and the fact that I did not get an answer knocking at another friend’s door until she has told me by the third knock that she was not wanting company right now. Why did she not say so on the first knock is what bothered me the most! I do not understand that about some people. I think I would have done it differently but by the sound of my friend’s voice on the oter side of the door, I could see why she did not answer the door until the third or fourth knock. I do not know how many times I knocked anyway…

About my friend Catie…I am not sure if I am beginning to feel drained here! My friend Richard will not do anything with Catie and will not come between Catie and me, but he does not feel comfortable around her. I understand that. I did not feel comfortable around her at first either but after getting to know her, she seemed to be an okay person just like many other people. I have known Catie for a long time now. I know Catie is a special person with special needs and so on. She is a nice person even though she can be sometimes annoying but she is so lovable and so sweet. Who couldn’t be annoying? I know I can be sometimes…BELIEVE ME! Oh well…anyway…Catie’s Catie and always will be Catie. A good person she is.

Anyway, my anxieties have now left me and I am now getting relaxed and ready for tomorrow. I hope none of the plans tomorrow backfire! I had enough anxiety today – truly and honestly.

What a day this day was. I was fine most of the day until Richard and I sat down to dinner at Perkin’s but then anxiety was beginning to creep in before that. I still feel the feeling of anxiety and that sometimes feels worse than the anxiety attacks themselves. When I got home from being with Richard, I was confused and crying and not sure what was going on in my life. My life is sometimes so complicated even when it is not really complicated. I am one person who is who she is…ME!

My Day Away From Home Again

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TOday was another day of gallabatting with my friend Richard. We went to Beloit, WI this afternon after brunch and tried to do a couple of things. After we got back from Beloit, we stopped at Perkin’s for supper and then we stopped at Woodman’s to get groceries (I needed more groceries than he did really), and we DID NOT get home until 8:30 p.m. this evening. What a day…it was nice for gallabatting around.

Richard is a 59 year old man who lives in Teamster Manor Apts and he has finally gotten a car (used) to drive around in so now he feels mobile and happy. What a guy!

Didn’t I Just Update My Antivirus Program?

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It just seems that on Friday I had updated my antivirus program and now today it needs to be updated again. EEK, didn’t I just update the program four days ago? Anyway, since I was gone on the farm up norh on the 25th, I could not update the antivirus program until Friday when I got home. LOL Anyway, it is now updated again today and I am doing another virus scan even though I have already done it this morning about 10:15 a.m. No big deal as long as I am protected from infection of any kind of virus. So far so good. Yeah. My antivirus program did pick up on an e-mail that had an infected file and it was immediately quarantined in the vault and immediately deleted. I know now that my antivirus program works! YES!

Just Gabbing

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I really do not know what to really say tonight at the hour of 10:10 p.m. Sunday night. I have been on line chatting with my friend Beth off and on and having a good time just being on line. When I looked at my grades on line at the school’s site, I was so excited to find that I had gotten a 3.0 GPA this semester, I was so HAPPY and EXCITED, and all the anxiety had all of a sudden disappeared almost totally. I am beginning to feel a little tired now with all the excitement I had all day long and all the anxiety I had since school ended for the semester. That is now OFF my mind, YEAH…thank goodness!

A New Idea For 2003!

My friend Velvetdazzle has really made my journal look pretty and now with 2003 just around the corner, 3 days away…I am going to do something a little bit different. I am going to keep the look that velvetdazzle created for me, but what I am going to write about will be a little bit different. I am finding myself somewhat bored with what I write about at times so I am sitting here wondering what to do to write about things other than myself. I have a pet journal now, a personal journal here, a school journal, and a story journal. I could not accummalate anymore diaries as I do now have everything separated,. Oh yeah, I also have a Sabbath keeping journal as well. I have everything under the sun now! This journal, which you are reading now, is my personal journal. So really I do not have to spice it up any further do I? If I have a boring day or a boring journal entry, so what, right? RIght! A new idea for 2003? No, I do not know, and I really can not think that far ahead right now, LOL. It is getting late and I did have a full day in and out of my place all day, and I now I am too tired to even really think clearly…LOL. Good night for now. Bye!