Needing to Say Something That is on My Mind Now

I have been noticing that some diarists have been not liking what other diarists have been writing. I have had no problem here so far and never plan to have any problems in the future or near future as long as I am here. Sometimes I find myself a very soft person as not caring what other people write about. When I read an entry and something strikes me to a point of having to leave I just leave and not say anything. I know that not everyone likes what I write about here as well and that is fine with me. Sometimes I do have a boring entry as well as a boring life altogether but it is my life to live. I do not too personal here very often because of the controversies that do arise or are already out there. If I do get too personal now and then, it is just giving my thought, my opinion only and I do not knock anyone in the head with my lashing words. I am a softhearted person who does not mind what people write in their entries. If I don’t like to read certain entries I just leave them alone. I do have to admit that I have run across very very good entries even though I am not always pleased with what is written. When it comes to a person’s feelings, I can probably relate or I do understand. Everyone has feelings. Everyone has lifestyles that are not pleasing to others, etc… I am on a low income lifestyle with the ability to work under eight hours a day. Not everyone likes that lifestyle either. Yes, I do feel hurt in my heart when I am ridiculed and having my lifestyle brought to my attention is very embarrassing…especially when my own father puts his cents into the pot. He is the very one man in my life who has had me put on social security income in the first place! I have also been ridiculed because of my weight. I am heavier than I ever was in the past and my dad also gets on my case about that. My mom as well. I do take my health very seriously but when you are on steroids because of a fourteen year old kidney transplant, losing weight takes more effort than the efforts I have already tried. Anyway, ridiculing someone about their weight issues, whether it is man or woman, all it does is feed their face with more food especially if food is a comfort to them. I am over 190 lbs. and I am NOT ashamed to express my weight because I know I have a weight problem. So why should other diarists’ entries be a problem to others. I do know that the creators of Dear Diary Net will take care of the problems when a need arises. I am very very happy here and I do enjoy writing here very much as a diarist myself. My life may be boring at times but that’s okay, too.

My Day

I just looked at myself in the mirror and I am definitely a scary sight, LOL My hair is unkempt and my pj’s looked a little crooked, and what I saw was a very lazy me. I have been lazy all day long today and I literally took a nap for over a half an hour. Today’s day was more lazy than yesterday’s lazy day. What a life I live, huh? That is what you get when you do not have anything planned from day to day – nothing to look forward to in life. Oh boy, school sounds so inviting right now truly. I am listening to Judge Judy this afternoon and I wonder how a parent could even sue his or her own child for something so silly as money and such…it is rediculous in my mind anyway. Judge Judy is a good judge.

This afternoon the ambulance came for some reason or another. Why I do not know and I do not care to know unless the person who the ambulance came for tells me herself/himself. I hope, to be very honest with you, that the ambulance did not have to cart anyone away – especially if it is my adoptive Mom or my friend G. I have ridden an ambulance before, as the patient going to the hospital and believe me, it is not a fun ride. In fact, it is real bumpy and very fast. Why I was in the back of an ambulance was because the city bus I was riding to get to work, had almost crashed into a car that went through a red light and my neck was bothered by the real big jolt. Now, four years later, my neck aches off and on and sometimes my neck will not turn all the way to the left with a twinge or two. It is not painful but definitely noticeable. Anyway, I did not hear the ambulance leave as I fell asleep and took my little cat nap while Emilee slept in her house and she is still there.

That has been my day from this morning from my first entry to 4:30 p.m.

A New Look Coming

I have decided to go ahead and give my diary a new look here. Once again I am having my friend Velvet do the changes as she is very good at it. She has done all the uploading that needs to be done to get the new look started. She said she will have it done today. I am not going to tell what the new look is going to be but I will tell you this – it is a memory of mine from my childhood – a fond memory.

Time to Say Good Night

It has been a quiet and lazy day here and so it is now time to say good night and we will be back tomorrow if the weather permits it. We are having a t-storm watch tonight but I will only believe what I see instead of what I hear. Hopefully, to be honest with you, the weatherman is right this evening. It is beginning to dark out because the evening is closing in and darkness always falls. Emilee is sleeping on the back of the recliner in front of the AC and so I will be keeping an eye out for her behavior to change and keep an ear out for her throughout the night. Otherwise she might be snuggling and cuddling with me most of the night hopefully.

I have been on line now for five hours now. YIKES! The internet is very addictive even for a person who has been surfing the net for a few years now. What a life! What a living! I have to, like I said before, get something else in my life to concentrate on. Really I do. It is so much like the other day I was on line for ten hours without too much for breaks except to eat and feed Emilee her meals. Honestly, the internet is addictive! It is fun, too to be very honest with you.

It is time for me to say good night now. I have been on the internet long enough now. If the weather allows me to be online tomorrow, I will be around no doubt. Good night y’all.

My Life Today, This Afternoon

I have taken over an hour this morning to get on line and play games and surf the internet and then took an hour and a half from the computer and the internet all together until 2:30 p.m. this afternoon. I have been back online now for over two hours now, making the total of time on line about four hours. That was my life today really. Kind of lazy and boring and full of television programs and internet stuff and writing. What a life I lived today! Boriing city! Anyway, it is too hot to be outdoors. In fact, it is hard to step out of my apartment into the hallway because the heat hits me right in the face. I am still in my pajamas and not planning on getting dressed now at this hour of the day being 4:21 p.m. in the early afternoon. My day is not yet over and my evening is going to be nothing but computer and television and the internet. What a life! Boring city!!!

So What is My Day Going to Be Like? 1

What a day! I am feeling real lazy today. Emilee, my lazy kitty today, has been acting lazy all morning long so far. The only time she has meowed was to say good morning and tell me it is time to be fed, time to eat breakfast. I had gotten up a little bit before 8 a.m. this morning and decided to take my medication and then lay back down for another hour while I waited for my two hour Murder, She Wrote programming to come on. I have watched the first hour and realized that it has been a long time since I saw the episode and then the second show has my favorite actor Mike Connors from his program back when I was younger. In the program that Mike Connors starred in years ago was where his character was a detective…now wait, the title of the show will come along soon in my head. I watched it all the time when it aired on the TV Land channel not too long ago. I do know that he always got shot at either in the shoulder. It is so frustrating…WHAT IS THE TITLE OF THAT PROGRAM that Mike Connors starred in years ago? HOW FRUSTRATING!! LOL.

I am glad that I am not going anywhere today. I am not planning on setting foot outside this apartment even unless I really have to. Emilee and I are going to lay low all day long and I am going to stay in my pajamas all day long as well. What a life, huh? I have to have something to look forward to daily in this case. I can not sit in my apartment typing away at my computer, surfing the internet, playing online games, watching television, reading a good book, snuggling and cuddling with my Emilee Cuddles kitty, and sleeping all day. Life like that may be luxury in someone’s eyes, but I do have to admit that it is not luxury – not luxury at all. Murder, She Wrote is still on its second program of the morning, and the character Mike Connors has died in his apartment and now JB Fletcher and sherriff of the little town that MC and JB had stopped are trying to find the killer. I have seen this program several times I NEVER remember who the killer really is. Elisabeth Ashley is even in the program playing a truck stop waitress who was married to the owner but is now dead. What a life I live! I watch so much television that I have this knowledge of who is who and what they do for a living.

Now I really wonder what my afternoon is going to be like…More later if the weather is feasible (sp?).

My Appointment/Update & More

For three months now I have noticed a change in my right hand on how it works, especially when I type and grip for anything that needs to gripped. Not too long ago, day has already been forgotten, I went to a doctor regarding the change and learned the CP does not get worse but things do change was we get older. It has been two weeks now, though, that I do know. I have wearing ring splints for my fingers that want to swan neck or boutinere and I have noticed a difference almost immediately…two days really. I had gone to get fitted for ring splints today and talked to the therapist that has been taking care of me since our last appointment. Darcie is such a sweet person! She has helped answer some questions since my appointments and that is good service if you ask me. I had talked to her about noticing the changes since I have been wearing the ring splints and she told me that there has been some improvement from wearing the splints that I am now wearing. I also did ask Darcie at this appointment if there was a splint that could have the rest if my “naughty” finger on my right hand and right now I am experimenting with a little ring splint on the first digit of my “naughty” finger. Thankfully there has been improvement and some noticable difference for the good side of this dratted cerebral palsy.

My appointment was at 1:30 p.m. and it lasted about an hour as Darcie had planned and it went very well. I am now glad to be home, though, because it is a little bit warm out there but luckily not hot and a heat wave going on today. But according to the weatherman tonight, another heat wave is to hitus tomorrow and possible rain storm hitting us. Those weathermen!! LOL I HATE RAINSTORMS WHEN LIGHTNING AND THUNDER PLAY A MAJOR ROLE!

Right now I am listening to the local news. A lot of people have been dealing with the heat in a not so good way. With the temp close to 100 degrees, I don’t think anything or anyone could survive the heat. I wouldn’t and more or less couldn;t myself!

I have been thinking all day long about making the month of August a little different as far as writing my entries but I am still debating on what to do. I do plan, however, to write on a regular basis – a daily basis if possible. I don’t want to change the look as the person who help create my Dear Diary pages in such a special and unique way, did a fine job but someday I plan to change the look of my page physically as well but what can I do is a big question mark yet. I love the way this page is created and I do not want to see it go really but I do know we need a change now and then. Everything about change is questionable right now. What else can I really say right now about change? I am changing everyday. I do not like change too much but if change has to come then I have no choice as far as change goes.

My day has been going very well. Glad to be home from my appointment where it is cooler and Emilee now has her “Mom” home for the rest of the week. No more appointments this week except for Friday at 11 a.m. with my counselor. With this heat, I don’t dare go out unless I really have to and the appointment I did have for tomorrow was cancelled because it is not a necessity really. It can wait until August as far as I am concerned. I am glad to be indoors from the world outdoors. Now I can go and do what I want to do. I did do my dishes and clean that pile of papers off my my living room floor and Emilee is napping in her pet carrier. I call it her “house”. Anytime the door is open she sleeps in it almost all the time, and when the door is closed, with her in it, she is being disiplined for doing something naughty and if there is a bad storm, her house is called a “safe” because she feels secure and safe closed in. We always use her house as a safe when we have the fire or tornado alarm goes off. She is pretty much a good cat now-a-days anyway because of her age and experience.

Well, time for me to go for the night. It is not late but the weather looks a litte bit iffy for tonight. I have nothing else to do tonight except watch television, read, write, and sleep. I have no reason now to get up so early in the morning in order to go anywhere. I hope everyone has a good night. Good night and good bye for now.

Taking a Few Minutes Now – 10 a.m.

Fiddlesticks!, I had less than a page written of an entry so far, and some how I deleted it all because of my fingers on my right hand hitting the RIGHT keys! I hate that when that sort of thing happens, believe me. Now I have to rewrite everything and my mind does not remember anything I have written so far…VERY FRUSTRATING!!!

I thought, to begin my day, something totally different from what I wrote in the entry that got deleted I would take a few minutes to write before my afternoon gets busy. I still have to take a shower and get ready to leave for an appointment at 1:30 p.m. and my ride is picking me up at 1 p.m.. I did NOT write this at all in the first but now deleted entry! But before I go on with my day, I had to watch my two hours of Murder, She Wrote program and wait until 11 a.m. to take a quick shower and get dressed. Right now I am in my pajamas still and wanting to not go anywhere really but I am going to be fitted for silver ring splints today for the three fingers of my right hand that seem to cause so trouble now and then. But then, after I get home this afternoon, I can spend more time on my computer here on line – hopefully…really depends on the weather really. Right now the weather looks a little bit iffy and we never know when a storm will hit us next. Right now, taking a few minutes of my time on line to write an entry, I thought that since my mind is waking up and very fresh, I would start out my day with an entry…probably a long one at it too, since I have over a half an hour before my allotted time to hop in the shower. No man here shall not have any googley eyes and thinking about a woman taking a shower…NOT ALLOWED WITH THIS YOUNG LADY! LOL

Last night I did not get to bed as early as I wanted to. I do know, or at least remember anyway, watching Matlock at 11 p.m. but never saw the ending of it. That happens a lot. I missed the ending or the whole just of the show because I was so tired. I do remember waking up having to run to the bathroom and I almost did not make it because I had to go to the bathroom so badly. Also, I remember my Emilee Cuddles being frightened about something. While I was listening to music, I had glanced outdoors into the night and saw a light light up the whole sky but I did not hear any thunder. Emilee was slanking around as if she was frightened – like a storm brewing or something but she had calmed down before I had fallen asleep. Right now she is catnappin’ on the back of the recliner by the AC and she seems content and comfortable. I personally think that there was heat lightning last night and she was frightened of it. I did not hear any thunder or anything like rain and I do know that there was no such aircraft that lights up the whole sky like what I saw last night. Oh well, I was pretty tired at that time.

I am planning on coming back later this afternoon, if the weather allows it, and write some more in my journal here. I do not have anything else to do or go today after my appointment. I do, however, have to do the dishes and clean a spot off my livingroom floor. I have a pile of papers in one spot that need to be taken care of or thrown out. I will do that if the weather is foul and stormy. It does look like it is going to be an okay kind of day but you never know for sure about weather until it is practically on top of you sometimes, rigiht? I have this thing with weathermen telling of weather happenings when they are not even close sometimes. I do not take to stock what is said to me anymore and live from day to day with what I can see and do from now on. I have nothing against the people who are weathermen as a person but as a weatherman, I take it not so seriously anymore. It is like living here at Teamster Manor Apartments with forty-nine tenant apartments and one manager apartment, where there are people who love to tell stories and say things that are not true and if they are true, they are exagerated or something. When I first moved in here, some tenants thought that I was a cripple and another cripple and retard was moving in here, plus also another young one was moving in here. I am glad that I was not told this until a few months ago because if I heard it when it first happened, I would have bawled my head off and became a hermit in my apartment…not leaving my place unless I really had to. Oh my goodness, I have gotten off beat here, but who cares, right?, LOL

It has been fairly quiet around here so far this morning. No surrounding noises are even heard right now and the tenants on this floor do go out quite often at this end of the third floor. Anyway, I will be leaving about 1 p.m. to get to my appointment and then those tenants who live for other people’s business will be wondering who has left the building and why and if they can pinpoint the apartment door that has been closed and locked, they know who the person is. How comical is that? I think it is really dumb and stupid. At my friend G’s birthday gathering last night, the manager, friend, neighbor, and adoptive Mom, and those at the party were talking about other people and their so-called whims in this place. I too, not to be nosy or questioning someone’s whereabouts, I have a trained ear of who comes and goes past my apartment door just by how they walk, talk, etc… There are times, though, I do listen to the conversations in the hallway, but I don’t take in stock what is said. I do, however, have a next door neighbor who is lazy and always gone babysitting, and she reminds me of a woman who does not knoow the real meaning of hard work or work altogether. She is, in the least, one person who has caused one of my friends, who just moved from here, a life considering a living hell. I do not usually use swear words in my entries, but expressing the truth with that word is not really swearing, is it? Now I wish this neighbor would just leave thiis place. My world would be better myself. I can not sleep in my own bedroom because the walls are so thin that I can hear her snoring every night as if she was in the same apartment as mine and every now and then I can hear her getting up and about to the bathroom. That is how thin the walls are here. I do not plan on moving out either because otherwise I am very happy here. This place is mine now and I never had a place of my very own before. What I mean by that is with all the apartments I have lived in, this apartment is the only place I have been able to consider my own. I feel so comfortable in my place most of the time.

I do need to go now and get ready for my shower and day. Murder, She Wrote is almost over now and I have to get ready for my day yet. I will not be able to get back on my computer until after I get back from my appointment at 1:30 p.m. I do hvae nine minutes left at least anyway. Time doeos fly when you are having fun anyway. Good bye for now. I will write more later today if the weather permits it.

An Entry Before Midnight

It is only 11:30 here so I still have a half an hour before the next day rolls around. I am not surprised that I am still up and about at this hour on my computer as I have been on my computer all afternoon. Let’s say 6 1/2 hours before 10 p.m.. I had gotten back on line after 10 p.m. and I have already been on it over an hour so it has been 7 hours this day. BOY, the Internet can be addictive…even after having Internet access for about six years, huh? I have been spending many of the hotter days on my computer in my apartment where the heat is not beating down me. The air conditioner is on and keeping my place cool. Emilee (my cat) has been laying on the back of my recliner which is right in front of the AC right now.

My day has been very good. This morning my adoptive Mom Nellie and G went away this morning and afternoon out of town to visit his father for G’s birthday. While they were away, Nellie had asked me to decorate his apartment door for his birthday so I did just that and I had to fix it again later on in the afternoon because either it fell down or someone tore it off the door, the decorations were put back on the door. G and Nellie had arrived back home a little after 8 p.m. where three of us were waiting patiently by Nellie’s apartment door to help end G’s birthday day with more gifts and talk. According to G, he did have a great birthday, and believe me when I say, I am glad he did. Now I am up in my place, should be in bed now, lol, working in the computer once again. It has been on all day long and I have been on it over 7 hrs so far. Now Emilee wants to have time with me…that silly kitty. She just loves to obstruct my view from the monitor or television when I am on the computer or watching television. She walks right in front of me! LOL Emilee will have time with me in a short while but not right this minute when I am busy writing an entry or thought.

I can not say that my day has been boring because it hasn’t. I have been on line for a long time today and really the time spent online today has been the longest in such a long time. Today, except to one person, I have not chatted with anyone I knew online for a while. It was too hot to go anywhere anyway so home I stayed. Emilee and I stayed where it is the most coolest and kept cool all day long. I am soon ready to go bed…I think anyway.

I do have to admit that I have not visited too many Dear Diary pages this weekend or this week and I do feel a little guilty. Please accept my apologies. The diarists know who they are. I am just getting back on track here and life does not seem as hectic as it did from June 25th on to today. I have also been having troubles with my typing fingers on my right hand, which is only the index finger really, for the past three months that I have taken a new route on getting back on track with my typing. I can not sit and type as long as I did until the end of May. I believe May is the time I have begun to notice so changes in my condition (cerebral palsy) so typing has been very low lately. I can’t sit and type for over two hours at a time right now. I have been able to play games for hours though, thankfully.

I do have to go now. I wish everyone a good night and I will be back tomorrow if the weather permits it.

My Saturday

I was gone all day Saturday. I went fishing with my friend Mark from 1 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. and definitely got a little sun as well as a little wind burn. I did not get sunburned – just enough to get a little more brown before the summer is over and gone for another year. I was gone all day from 9 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. and believe me, it was a good day all day long.