For a while now I have been going to counseling – to a counselor I have known ever since I was a freshman in high school. Today’s session went well. I had talked to my counselor about how my stepfather made me feel a few days ago regarding Memorial Day and the 9-11 Attack on America. I also noticed to that my sessions have been great and my counselor himself has noticed I have been doing well. As we were exiting out of his office for me to catch my ride, I told him that I have not had to take my anxiety or depression meds – either three of them – for the longest time now, he patted me on the back and said that I am doing great. I don’t know how to feel except accomplishment and success.
I think now that I know what makes me very upset, I think now that I am in better control with my anxety and depression. I personally think that my stepfather is the reason why I have so much emotional upsets in my life. Just maybbe… hmmm.
Hmmm…I wonder where all of a sudden I have been feeling pressure when there has been no pressure to deal with. All has been fine or at least I think so anyway. What a life! LOL
For the last few days, with the weather being iffy – stormy, rainy, and cloudy, today is the first day of good, warm, and sunny weather we have experienced here in Wisconsin since Sunday. I think, even though I did avoid taking medication for depression and anxiety for the psat several weeks, the “not so good” weather has given me a slight change that is yet undated. Maybe that is where the pressures of life is all of a sudden coming up. Who knows…I surely don’t know. Oh well…I am fine now – just taking things not so lightly as I have in the past. Again, oh well!
I had awakened, not thinking anything of it until I had caught my rent check still sitting here at my computer desk. I had forgotten to give the rent check to the onsite manager on the day I was going to possibly absent but I did plan on being home in time after my doctor’s appointment but I wasn’t. I thought, “oh God!. I am going to be evicted for having past due rent!” With panic going all through me I had called the onsite manager almost in tears and definite panic in my voice…waking her up from a restless sleep due to her back feeling so bad out kind of out of whack. I felt totally embarrassed and somewhat scared…more scared than embarrassed. It bothered me that I had the rent check still sitting here because I am NEVER behind on my bills or payments of something that is a need. So here I am, making arrangements in a frantic state, to get to the place I needed to get my rent check to and also get to my counseling appointment at one o’clock this afternoon. I was hoping that my rent payment would still be accepted because the thought of being evicted put fear in my heart.
I had gotten to the place where I would hand in my rent check and everything was fine. I did not have to pay a late fee for handing my check a day late, even. In fact, I had learned that I was okay and it was a first time for me since I paid my rent on time all the years I have been living where I live today. Thank goodness my anxiety has deleted and I am back to normal there. Even though it was a first time for me to hand in my rent check a day late, I will NOT allow it to happen again. I am going to be more responsible and if I know what my day plans are, the onsite manager is going to get the rent check before hand. Honestly, the month of May to this point has been hectic and very stressing to some degree.
I have taken aback with the Attack on America on 9-11-01. I also have to admit that I have been keeping up with the news of the war going on. But please, not thinking that I don’t care – I do care – I am getting kind of sick and tired about the war and the killings, and the suicide bombings. I know that the world is getting bad and it is not going to get better very fast or not at all but all I have been hearing is the progress and plans of making peace in the world. Doesn’t anyone know that peace will not be found in everyone? It is not going to happen. This evil, hatred, and happenings going on all the time. We are Americans here looking at our freedoms getting taken away slowly because of what has happened and before long we will not have any freedoms left. We have to believe what is in our hearts no matter how bad it gets even though I am getting sick and tired of hearing about this and that regarding the 9-11 Attack on America. My brain is getting overloaded with political things that now I am becoming very political wanting freedom and now I want to fight for the rights in many things that are related to the disabled and handicapped people because I am handicapped myself. I have never taken a great liking in the news and news programs until now! Something has changed in my life because what has changed around me has affected me. I do have to admit that a lot of feelings are just a one person’s opinion – my opinion only.