Yesterday I tried calling my surrogate Mom’s number and her answering machine kicked in. I began to say something then I heard in the background sound like from the television. I kept asking if someone was there but no one answered and then someone hung up. I know it was her answering machine because of the message that she had and I recognized the voice on the machine. I am so confused right now – hurt and wondering if I did something wrong. Did I do something wrong? I am so confused right now. What am I going to do?

Hello -

Not much is happening right now. Getting ready to have a weekend of quiet solitude if I know what that means…rest, reading, studying Scripture, etc… It is getting late here now and I will be back sometime Saturday night or Sunday.

Kae Smiley/Kristi

Oh my goodness…the fire alarm went off shortly after 11 p.m. last night and it woke me up from a dead sleep. Apparently we had a tornado in the area of our town and was heading towards another town fifteen minutes away from here. A tornado! Yikes…scary.

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The wind was just horrible last night as well as the lightning and thunder and rain…BAD WEATHER!!

Eileen and Wes were two people in my life who both died of cancer. Wes died in 1989 and Eileen died in 1996. Today I met Eileen’s only brother of two other sisters, for the very first time and it surely brought back some fond memories talking about Eileen and Wes with Eileen’s brother. Memories galore! I will sure later…

Yesterday was the 2nd anniversary of my baptism at my church and I literally forgot! I was so busy that I did not even think of such a wonderous joy of baptism because I do know that I kept telling people for the longest time. LOL My day was so busy yesterday that many things have just slipped my mind and it is pathetic if you ask me. I don’t like to forget, especially special occasions such as baptisms, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, and other special occasions. How silly of me. I guess that is what happens when life gets busy at times, huh? Oh well, it won’t be the first time forgetting or the last time.

I have a program on my computer called Incredimail. It works with Wind0ws 98 and higher, and you will have to look to double check if it works for Windows 95 or lower. I know there are some people yet who have Windows 95 on their computers and that’s okay…

I recommend IncrediMail to others…if you are interested.

http://www.incredimail.com

ENJOY! I am!

Also you have to look at Webshots…at www.webshots.com. If the URL is incorrect, sorry about that.

I am not here to write about anything special today. I was hoping to be here yesterday but in the afternoon here it got stormy and it practically rained from afternoon until this morning. I practically shot my yesterday morning watching television and when I REALLY WANTED to get on line, I couldn’t because it was storming and I don’t like to be on the computer when it is stormy. I actually fell asleep to the rain and thunder claps that rolled over my head and away. Today looks a little better comparing to yesterday’s weather. I literally see blue and white out there instead of cloudy and gray. I wonder what my day is going to be like all day. Better than yesterday…I hope.

I hate it when people are unhappy, yes…I truly do. Actually hate is a very strong word to use and it does mean to “love less” and I don’t like to think I “love less”. If I do, my face can surely tell you the truth if I can’t. I don’t like it when I am unhappy or moody all the time, either. It drives me up a wall and the people I care about the most get concerned and they just want to find out what’s wrong. Push, push, push. Oh well, I am not unhappy today or anything…just commenting on what I wrote the other day on the 19th of October. The unhappiness I am talking about are the people you smile at and say hello and have a good day just look so unhappy sometimes and have a grumpy look about them. It makes me what to get up and ask them if they need a hug or something, but with a lot of people you need to be careful about that! This world has become strange in some areas when it comes to moods. I don’t want people to think that I am a retard or something. I have cerebral palsy which affects the right side, but my mental compacity was not affected. All because people look at my handicap – my slight gait, the people I sometimes hang around with, and how I look facial wise sometimes make people think that I am something other than handicapped with cerebral palsy. I don’t like to say I hate that because it means to love less, and so I will say, I dislike it greatly.

Continued tomorrow…or Wednesday

I would like, once again, to say thank you for taking the time to read my journal entries here at Dear Diary. I am glad that I have a few people interested in what I write about. It means a lot to me more other days because of the way I sometimes feel inside when lonliness strikes such a familiar cord in my life. Yesterday, while taking my friend out to dinner after she took me to my doctor’s appointment in the late afternoon, I could not help say have a good day to a lot of elderly people. Many of those I said “have a good day” really brightened some faces. A couple of people could care less and just ignored you. Don’t people like to smile anymore these days? Do we all have to be unhappy looking like those who are not happy, too? It just clinches my heart with an unwanted and familiar cord as well. I may have cerebral palsy and may look to someone different, but I am just like everyone else in the world who pays bills, lives in a place she can call home, I have a feline companion who I can share my sorrows with as well as my happiness, but having a feline companion does not always take away the lonliness I sometimes feel. Emotions are running through my head and tears just want to spill out because I am so concerned about one friend who means a lot to me and yet we seem so far apart to some degree. My heart just aches for this person to be happy and physically healthy again for a short time, but so many things have happened in her life that has caused her to have an emotional breakdown and feeling of not talking or hugging mood. I don’t like it myself that I feel that way, too, and I have NO IDEA why in the world I wrote this out for all to see! Sometimes it is just plain crazy being a woman dealing with womanly things!! Beiing a woman? I don’t mind it but when I hit a sour or mood swing because of being a woman, then I don’t like it I guess. Do other woman agree? These moods! I don’t like them one bit.

Today is not a terrible day for October 17th. As a matter of factl it is just a little cool outdoors and nothing else. The sun is shining and it is pleasant enough without too much sweater on. It is getting a little nippy outdoors now with winter on its way just around the corner, but it is pleasant enough at least. When we had the fire dirll this afternoon, at 2 p.m. I had intentions of grabbing my light jacket that is on the chair in the kitchen, but as quickly as I did not think, I did not grab it when I walked out the door. I did noto even get Emilee prepared for the fire drill. I left my door unlocked and Emilee inside. A little absent minded I think.

I am having a good day all day. I was not looking forward to the fire drill exactly but it was needed and it was done, and I did not fret about it. We need, even though we don’t care for some things, have to take precautions and have particular drills now and then for safety sake and understanding of what to do. Now I have a feeling that a lot of the neighbors in the building will be talking about the fire drill until their blue in the face. Gossip and talk goes around like rapid fire around this building I live in.