My Monday

Oh my goodness!  I discovered Pandora last night on my ROKU system.  I have been listening to it for the past 45 minutes or so and now it is time for me to go to bed.  It is going on 11 pm.  Time just flies on by when I am working on a project and tonight’s little project was watching some YouTube videos and listening to Contemporary Christian music on Pandora tonight.  I am going to say good night now.  I did have a fairly good day again.  I went grocery shopping with my worker (substitute) J this morning at 1015 am and then had laundry and cleaning from 1 pm to 315 pm or so.  I even watched a movie titled “Saving Mr. Banks” and it was real good.  I even talked to MM this afternoon before 5 pm today when she was able to get back to the office after helping clients to and from wherever they needed to be.  So I had a fair day and it is finally time to say good night and go to bed.  Good night!

A Quiet Sunday

Today is one fairly good day.  I have been watching Netflix for almost a month now and I am now watching recorded television now for the first time in a long time.  Since I did not go to church yesterday or today, I have decided to do what I can in writing with a cat nearby or wanting to be on my lap.  Yes, I have either a laptop or a cat on my lap these days so I have to use my phone a lot for gaming, texting, and have it nearby when my Rescare workers do not use it.

Ramble Ramble

I decided not to go anywhere as of yesterday.  No church at all this weekend.  I decided to stay home and relax.  I got my period sometime between Thursday night and Friday morning.  It is flowing heavy this month because of the fact that I have been under some emotional stress and having some other issues.  I have been an emotional mess the past few days.  I do not want to be around too many people at this time.  I just want to be around those who work with me like IDS, Catholic Charities, and Rescare.  I really do not want any company.  So I am going to take it easy this weekend and watch Netflix, TV, and do my Bible study/reading, writing, and go on Facebook, Twitter, and Path, and Whisper.  My world is just not spinning my speed right now.  It is spinning a little fast.  I will be talking to my mom sometime tomorrow.

I have my shower at 345 pm today and 3 pm tomorrow.  This is BS’s weekend.  Monday will be here soon enough but I am going to let it come when it gets here this weekend.  I am taking the days as they come right now.  It is not the fact that I am dreading the upcoming week or anything… I am just allowing time to play its daily game.  Yes, boredom has settled in but it will soon pass.  I am here at home and not at church with friends and family this weekend and that is the price I pay when I decide to be all alone and I am home by myself with a lovely white cat named Bing Crosby.

I am not really in the mood to write but here I am writing away.  This is my Saturday on August 9, 2014.

Just Not Today

I really do not have a lot to say today.  I am glad that I am not having my shower until this afternoon at 3 pm.  I am not in the mood for company today at all but I want a shower for the afternoon and then I will be free from having people around.

My Life This Thursday

The past couple of days now, since Monday to be honest, not having RS in my life has been great!  The idea of blocking RS from calling me was a good call but I do have to admit that my heart aches because of the friendship we once had.  RS decided to live outside of our friendship and associate herself with different people and the people she decided to associate with are people I would not associate with myself.  The fact that I will be civil with RS is exactly what I plan to do anytime I see her in public but I am not going out of my way to invite her to share my space with her again.  I cannot have that anymore.  I can now concentrate fully on me.  I do not need any friends who are going to treat me with disrespect, come see me when it is only convenient for them, leave a message on my phone because I couldn’t get to the phone and they ask me to call back and then reject my phone call in return, lie to me or want to hang around people who they say nasty things about others behind their backs and then be sweet in their face, and someone who does not have respect for property that is not their own.  RS needs to have a reality check and deal with her demons and rely on God to help her.  I have known for a very long time that she has been very unhappy living here and has told me that she cannot move elsewhere because she cannot afford it.  She has told me several times too that she wanted to move back to Illinois where family lives but she has only voiced her displeasure of living here.  She has also said that she has write ups for certain things that seem unfair but why she got written up is none of my business but hers and those who have complained and the managers.  Whatever RS is going through I can only pray for right now.  I cannot have her in my life anymore.  I have to take care of my own emotional ups and downs, demons, and spiritual attacks whenever they occur in my life.

Today I had gotten a text from my mom’s husband saying “Mom died last night. I tried calling you.”  The word “Mom” and “died” made me scream and cry because the way the text was stated Papa was referring to my mom had died last night.  About an hour or so later Papa called me back that it was his mother who died during the night in her sleep.  I was relieved but yet the tears and fear were strong and I was not thrilled at how Papa told me.  He was unclear when he texted me.  I definitely am dealing with my demons today!  UUGGHH!

I am glad that no one else is coming today.  My shower has been taken.   Not my day for company.  In other words I am not in the mood for company at all anymore today.

I Am Done!

I am more hurt than anything now.  I told MJ what happened on Monday when I told her I missed RS’s call and it went to voicemail and she asked me to call her back but after two rings, the phone would go to voicemail.  MJ told me that after the first or second ring RS rejected my call.  I am so hurt by this to the point of tears and anger.  This time I have made up my mind about letting her into my life after this stunt.  I am fed up with her attitude and her so-called life here that she states makes her unhappy.  She can live her life without me from this forward.  I have decided to take her phone from my contact list and favorites on my phone and block her number from calling me by using my smart limits feature on my phone.  I am done with her.  I am sick and tired of seeing her when it is only convenient for her and I will not be used anymore.  Whatever her problem or problems may be I do hope that she finds what she is looking for.  I will only be civil to her in the public areas of the building we both reside in and go on with my life without her.  She has not been a friend to me lately and when she pulled the stunt of rejecting my call twice the evening she asked me to call her back when she left a message on my phone.  How rude is that? I call it rude most definitely.  I am so done with RS as a friend.

Life Outside

My world is not spinning out of control but I do have to say that I believe that a certain someone is having the world spinning.  I am not sure what is happening but whatever it is, I do not like it one bit.  My neighbor called me Monday and asked me to call her back.   I did call her back but failed when the number I called rang once or twice and then went to voicemail.  I left it at that and texted her saying she called me and I tried calling her back but it went to voicemail.  I told her I will not play telephone tag with anyone and I am speaking in general.  I am done with my neighbors antics from this forward,  I have been feeling used and I hate the feeling.

My Sunday Thoughts

Today has not been a bad day.  I went to church this morning with my friends SW and her husband MW.  After church, I had time to relax before my shower gal C by and helped me with my shower, dishes, and cleaning up the living room so it did not look so claustrophobic from when the recliner did not work.  I had, while the recliner was having its downtime in full recline mode, I sat on one end of the futon and reclined that way from Tuesday morning to Friday afternoon after 4 pm.  I had to have a TV tray table up and out during that time and it was used for my laptop, my water and drinks, and other items until today after my shower.  Things are back to normal in the living room for the most part.  It is not claustrophobic anymore.

Once again Bing Crosby the cat takes priority over the laptop so I did not get as much done as I had hoped.  With that said, I am not worried about it really.  My “work” can wait since I do not go to work outside the home or work inside the home.  I just do as much writing as I can while I can during the day and the 7-day week.  I will be okay

On My Mind Today

Friday was one very busy day for me.  In fact, this past week has been one of those interesting weeks I can say “went weird” starting Tuesday morning before 830 am.  My new chair I got from Crazy Joes Discount store quit working for some reason or another.  I called the store and learned that my chair was a discontinued item and the warranty was either over with or non-existent because of the chair being a discontinued item.  In the meantime, because of the chair being only two month old, the manager of Crazy Joes called a representative to come out to see what the problem was with the chair.  I gentleman did come out at 4 pm and we found that the connection was loose at the bottom of the chair and we got the chair to work properly once again.  At the time this incident happened, I was NOT in my chair, when the chair stopped working.  I was playing with it and it went into full recline mode when it stopped working because the connection was loose and not known at the time.  It was an experience I was glad was not harrowing but a small crisis.  Have I reclined in it since?  Yes, but once.  I am sitting in it while doing work on my computer and writing but not in recline mode.  I need to let the fear pass and go from there.  At least I am sitting in the chair.

Today I did not go to church in Beloit because the Pastor and his wife went on vacation last week and are at the Delavan church.  I will be attending church in Beloit next week Lord willing.  So here I am, not able to have a shower today because my worker’s car broke down and will resume her work tomorrow.  I do have to admit, not having control over some things in life… not having a shower today was not one of the things I was really expecting.  The gal who called me this morning after 10 am felt bad that she could not find anyone else to help me and we talked about me trying to take a shower by myself would not be a good idea.  I agreed even though my plan was a good one.  The gal asked me “what if you fall? And that would be a risk not worth taking.  I actually understood and let it go at that.  I was not going to take the risk being by myself and no one else here.

I have been thinking about the friendship between me and RS lately and I am not vercomfortable with what has been happening.  I have tried calling her but her phone is always off or the battery is not charged so I have decided just to leave a message from time to time in hopes she will get it another time and not a week or so later.  I am done hunting her down and I do not see her at my place much anymore.  It is almost like it is now a friendship of convenience now and it is when it is convenient for her.  It is like she has blown me off and I am now sitting on the sideline rooting for her team to win.  The friendship now is of no importance to her but very important to me.  Whatever the relationship, it takes two to make it work, and the feeling of it is “I am hurt.” and my world will go on whether or not RS is in my life.  I have to get past it.  RS could be going through something right now or her health is not what she would like it to be.  I just have to remind myself that she is the one who has the problem and not me – whatever she is going through.   As far as problems, I have problems of my own to take care of and handle so what problems I do have are not RS’s problem.  I am giving RS her space but I am not going to allow her to come into my life when it is only convenient for her anymore.  Our friendship is not going to be the same anymore.  I am going to take control of my life from this day forward.  I have friends … I know who my friends are … I know cares about me and I know who I care about.