I Can’t Make Up My Mind…

I love to write, journal, and blog as often as I can and do.  I could sit in front of a computer all day being online, writing, reading, watching videos, and being on social media making my mark for the day.  When it comes to writing, though, I cannot always make up my mind on what I am going to use as far as a word processor or writing tool.  I have Microsoft Office for Mac as well as Pages that comes with my MacBook Pro laptop.  I switch between the two programs because I enjoy the change from time to time.  Word has stuff that Pages does not have so the flip flop between the two programs is a change I can handle.  I just not always make up my mind on things and that I know is normal.

Sunday, June 25. 2017

Good evening!  Another day has come and gone and bedtime is looming just around the corner.  I have had a good day even though the day seemed to drag on and on until now.  I have nothing to worry about or be dreading over.  It was just a dragging day for me.  Maybe I got bored and a little lonely today and threw myself a pity party but I do not know for sure.  I have no reason to be depressed or upset right now.  I didn’t have any company today except for my personal cares worker at 6 PM this evening to help with my showering and get me ready for the evening.  I watched TV, been online, and read a bit.  Nothing out of the ordinary really happened today except another day has come and gone by slowly and then now time is speeding up.  I guess I really do not want the weekend to be over with just yet but once sundown occurs a new day will soon begin.

The weekend has been just fine.  I went to church yesterday, slept in until 8 AM this morning, did my favorite things all day long today, and really had nothing major planned all weekend.  Maybe today was not as fine as I hoped or wished it would be.  Maybe I just had an off day.  There is always tomorrow…if it comes for me.  We are never guaranteed another day but I have always had that great hope in God that another day will play out.  Maybe I just had an off day.  I get those days from time to time just like everyone else in the world.

As I sit and think of the past ten days without drudging up anything bad … nothing bad happened but on June 16 I went up to Madison and had a series of meetings about a second transplant.  I have had my first kidney transplant since 1988 and it is now beginning to shut down slowly with kidney disease due to age and the time it has been in my body.  The kidney was my mother’s and she is now 73 years old.  My transplanted kidney, thanks to my mother, has been a wonderful gift I will never forget even when it is completely shut down and gone forever.  Twenty-nine years on one transplanted kidney is indeed a milestone I did not expect to see but I have. God is definitely an awesome God!  The series of appointments have stirred up some memories that may have triggered a response my body just does not feel very comfortable with entirely but I have to move right along no matter how I feel right now because my mood will indeed pass.  The idea of being on some medication again does not please me that much but I will do it because it is for the good health of the transplanted kidney if I am still a good candidate for a second transplant in the near future.  I know I can do this because I have gotten this far already, right?  I’m not sure, though.  No, I am not having second thoughts about having another transplant if I am able to have another.  I just do not like the idea of my meds changing my moods is all.  I am already an anxious girl.  Oh well…best to get off the subject.

On June 21, 2017, I had my two month check up with my nephrologist in Janesville here and my labs are doing fine. My creatinine was up a bit but I was dealing with an UTI before my appointment and I had another urine analysis done for my appointment to make sure the UTI was being taken care of properly and according to my test results of my UA, it was taken good care of.  The kidney’s function is lower than it has been in a while but I am staying stable and my doctor, bless his heart and hard work, always asks me how I am feeling and what my symptoms are so he can guarantee my date for dialysis if necessary but at this time dialysis is still off the radar.  I just wish I could stay away from these UTI’s but they come and go because of my overactive bladder and types of bacteria that gets me in some sort of trouble so when I have symptoms, I do a test, get the results in to the doctor, and the UA is done within a 48 hour time period with results of a culture if and when necessary.  That is the story of my life right now.  When dialysis needs to be put in my schedule, it will be put in my schedule.

Living at Burbank Plaza has been great so far.  With RS gone and her boyfriend not in the building, it has been drama free for the time being.  I hated the idea of turning RS in all the time but with her not abiding by the rules for six months, something was bound to happen.  My new neighbor is a nice man and very quiet.  I do not hear him most of the time but on occasion I might hear his music or TV on and the pitter patter of dog paws across the floor/ceiling, but nothing what I had experienced for six months when RS was around with her idiot of a boyfriend.  What happened to RS after she moved out of here is still questionable to some extent but I do not bother other tenants anymore. I keep to myself now.  Too much gossip and rumor going around.  I am way to busy to be a part of some scheme or problem that arises outside my apartment door.  The walls are thin enough to hear certain conversations as tenants walk by.  Oh well…that’s life in an apartment building I guess.  Keeping to myself is my safest bet right now.  I have my health to worry about.  I am happy to say that I am very happy once again.

I am glad to be on the road to recovery and getting back on track in my life.  It is not easy being me but I do my best at everything I do.  As the week begins I am bound and determine to do what I enjoy doing the most and get some steps in my day that are worth my time and effort.  My mom and my parents from AR are helping me by being very supportive in my health endeavors toward a second kidney transplant in my future.  On Tuesday I will begin to count the days to my birthday where I will be 47 years old.  Yep, a year older even though I do not look my age – younger according to many people who know me well enough.  It pays to have genes like that in my life I guess.

Well, it is time for me to say good night and God bless.  It has been a fairly good day despite my feelings of it being slow or not.  Tomorrow is another day and I am going to see this day with gusto and happiness that will shine on my face as well as the sunshine in the sky.  It is another cool night so sleep should be a little bit easier tonight.  Good night and God bless.