It is not exactly late. It is only 707 pm in the evening but I wanted to get in another entry in before it got any later. I have had my shower at 215 this afternoon, got in into something comfortable, watch a little television – Murder. She Wrote episodes that were recorded last night – and of course, eat supper. I want to take my evening meds at 8 pm, relax for a couple of hours with the lights off, and go to bed at 10 pm tonight. I did so last night when my friend and her dog went outdoors for the last time and then came back turning off the lights as they left with her items she brought down for dinner last night. I had fallen asleep very quickly after that waking up between 600 and 630 am.
Anyway … today has been a fine day. It is cold outdoors right now. It was only 7 degrees when I left to go to church at Woodland and now during the 7 o’clock hour the temperature is 12 degrees. Still, with the temperature being “better” than it was this morning, I do have to say it is still cold out there. I am glad to be inside where it is warm and comfortable.
I have to say good night and God bless. It is time for me to go and do some Bible study and reading before relaxing. I did have a great day.
I do not have a whole lot of time to write this morning but I thought I would get a start on it this morning. I am going to church this morning with Pastor V and his family: wife CV, and Grandma and Grandpa V. I had awakened at 630 am having to take care of myself and then I laid down for a while longer until my alarm went off at 7:16 am prompting me to get dressed and ready for my day. I do have to say that I had to get out of bed three times to stop Bing from being on the TV tray table in the bedroom that has very important stuff on it. I was not very thrilled with his cat-like behavior at that hour of the morning but soon he stopped being a cat and lay down on the bed with me until my alarm went off. Even though I was awake at 630 am and laid down in bed for almost an hour more was just to have time with my cat Bing Crosby before I began my day.
I am now dressed and ready to go to church, meds taken for the morning, and my church materials all ready to go. Now I am just waiting for time to pass before I get my water jug ready to go for the morning and grab a banana to eat on the way out the door to wait for my ride. I am off to do other things at this time. I will write more later today and I do believe the only company I am going to have this afternoon is my shower gal.
Winter is definitely on its way here in good ol’ Wisconsin. It was only between 1 and 17 degrees here in different parts of Wisconsin today. It did not feel that horrible out in the cold but I was not out in the cold long enough to notice it much. I just got in and out of a car to go to an appointment and back home again this evening. Today was med check day with my psychiatrist HL.
Tonight, until 10 pm this evening, I had company over for dinner and to watch television with. We both had chili for supper. I mentioned to RS the other day when I had my worker make chili for this week’s food prep and she made some chili herself. Undercover Boss was not on last night because in its place it was Frosty the Snowman. I have watched the cartoon every year for years since I was a child and did not want to watch it again so RS and I watched something else.
RS had an appointment this afternoon so she brought Sport pup down to visit and we reconnected after 6 pm when it was dinner time. I was hungry by the time she got here, lol. I believe we had a good time. When RS and Sport pup left, I went right to bed.
I have been dealing with more anxiety because of the holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years Day but I am not dealing with depression. Anyway, I think I am not dealing with depression at this time but I very well could be. I will be seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon/early evening with my IDS caseworker MM and then the rest of the weekend is all mine praising and worshiping God.
I am not sure, since I have not talked to RS since Wednesday, if I will have Sport here while she is at her appointment tomorrow afternoon or not. I would like to get together with her and have our Friday evening time together for a while but she has been super busy lately and just got out of the hospital earlier this week because she had cellulitis in her right leg that was pretty bad. She has other friends as well and those friends I do not see often enough. I prefer to stick close to home these days. I may be alone with very few conversations with people but my apartment has to my safe haven from the outside world now and always. I will have to wait and see what goes on tomorrow.
God is my refuge and no one is going to take God away from me!
There is so much going in my world right now. With Thanksgiving gone and now Christmas getting closer, I do have to admit that I cannot wait until the holidays are all over and 2014 comes into play. I have been so busy and between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, I get on edge. After Thanksgiving Day there is Black Friday and I do not like Black Friday. I have experienced a maddening mob of people enough to dislike the day and have seen and heard horror stories of citizens being injured badly or killed. People are mad getting into stores these days and do not care who they trample along the way. I have shopped the day after Thanksgiving a couple of times and I disliked it then and won’t do it today. Christmas is great but always I end up with some emotional downfall during this time of the year. I am adult now that I find myself feeling a little lonely but God is what keeps my spirits up and I know I have to rely on God more.
Now that I do live on my own and have for the past 24 years now but always had a place to go for Christmas when family lived in the same city and state but now family lives in other states such as New Mexico, Arkansas, Pennsylvania, and one relative – sister – lives in Wisconsin for a short time while she works for the Target store in her area. I have aunts and uncles in Wisconsin as well but traveling to and from has become practically non-existent for the past four years or so. I have spent the past two years on Thanksgiving Day and Christmas with the Pastor of the Seventh-day Adventist Church of Beloit, Delevan, and Janesville churches and his family. I am and have not been totally alone for the holidays but it is not quite the same as spending with your own immediate family. I can not wait until the holiday hubbub is all over.
I did not say much yesterday. I really did not have a lot to talk about. I wish I did. Today seems to be another one of those days once again. My heart needs to do some resting now to be very honest. I need to start praying more and talking to God more. My worries are great right now. AARRGG!!
I have decided to make some changes in my life that will better my world. I know who to talk to and who not to talk to now and that is a very sad thing. Yes, I am going through that rigmarole once again in my head. Some anxiety has been playing its ugly game with me but I am handling it the best I can with those who work with me at Catholic Charities and IDS.
With November gone now and December on its course, I do have to admit that November went by very quickly and I have a feeling that this month is going to go by very quickly as well. We just had Thanksgiving weekend and now we are going to be having Christmas in 24 days! That is the odd part of November and December this year in my way of thinking. I guess sometimes I do not always get it, lol.
I am not totally sure here but I am going to do my very best to write more in my diary from now on. That means, before my daily shower and the TV off, I am going to write, do my Bible study and reading, and then whatever comes after company leaves, I am here at home holding down the fort all by myself. This includes getting on Facebook for the morning if I can. I am not going to make any promises or anything but I will do, definitely do, my very best at writing every day or close to it.
While I was skimming through my private diary this morning, I ran into a diary entry dated May 10 and it was this:
What is wrong with people these days? Someone just hacked into my Facebook account a little while ago, and I find that rude and stupid. Some people are just downright dumb and stupid, and do not have anything better to do in life but to cause pain of some kind to other people. It is just crazy! Why bother having the internet at all if people are going to hack into your stuff and be idiots. I love being online and love associating with my friends and family on Facebook and using the internet to do research and other stuff. Some people are idiots, dumb, rude, and crazy!
No one has hacked into my Facebook account. I am reminded of how idiotic people are in this world today with their actions, words, and mannerisms. I have come to the point of not being able to trust that many people anymore. I see one on Facebook once in a while but do not talk or text her on the phone anymore. Another person I have not called for the past several weeks but see her in the apartment complex from time to time go from one place to another, and I do not bother her with my issues anymore because she has her own to worry about. A good friend of mine is in the hospital, hoping to be discharged today or this week, because she has an infection in her right leg so I do not have company coming down like I usually do from above me. I am glad my friend is in the hospital getting taken care of. She has had this infection for a long time. I am in my apartment most of the time and leave on occasion to go to the grocery store, Weight Watchers meetings, Bible study/prayer meeting, and church. I am not afraid to leave my apartment; I just really like my privacy and not am bothered much. I am learning that many people are idiotic and trust has been misplaced big time in my world. What a good way to start December out! What do you think?
I have made some changes this morning.
Today I am going to church in Beloit, Wisconsin. I am looking forward to going and enjoying myself with other church members. Due to the fact that this weekend happens to be the Thanksgiving Day weekend, my ride to church has been bumped to next weekend because my seat is already taken. The family who picks me up for church will have family tomorrow and they are going to church.
I cannot believe that it is already the last day of the month of November. It actually feels weird to me that the month has gone by so quickly. With Thanksgiving coming later this year, I have found one reason why the month seems so weird to me. Also, last weekend I was not feeling the greatest so I called the nurse at the clinic about getting an urine analysis done Tuesday morning and that was put on record immediately. I did find out that I had an UTI and so the doctor, not Dr. K, put me on Bactrim DS (double strength) for five days. Tuesday was my first dose and Sunday morning is my last dose after taking it two times a day Wednesday – Saturday. No big deal. I get them often but I can say, with a smile, that this is my first UTI this year of 2013!
More later. I have to run now and get ready for church for the day
Trust has become a big issue these days for me. I can only trust a couple of people now-a-days. I can still trust RS who lives above me in the building we live in but now I am leaving it professional between the on-site manager and myself from now on. I rarely go to anything that is happening in the community room anymore because I find it difficult to trust anyone anymore altogether except for those who are working for me and with me as far as my independence is concerned and considered. The trust I have lost with some people is very personal and definitely very private. I am not going to walk on egg shells because someone is watching me like a hawk somewhere in my life if I can help it but it has come to the point that staying in my own apartment. My mom’s husband does tell it right when it comes to trusting people and staying close to home. I have begun to do that in most recent time. I rarely go anywhere in the building anymore.
Time has come to say good bye to CSE from my life. She needs to get her life straightened out and realize who love her dearly. I love CSE very much but I can only do so much for others without my emotional health going downhill. I have already had gotten through a major bout of anxiety and panic this past summer because of CSE and her actions, lies, behavior, and how she has gotten herself in trouble here at the building I live in. I already have a cat and I can not have another cat right now – one pet per tenant. CSE was evicted and despite the efforts of the management, she was adamant and not a good listener of the rules while she lived here. The memory of her living here for a month in my apartment is a memory I can not get out of my mind fast enough and I am not thrilled at what she did and still not thrilled.