I Thought It Was Going to Work This Time…

I had awakened in hopes that I was poked by a friend on Facebook this morning but it came to my surprise that she was no longer a friend on Facebook and she blocked me. I texted her this morning asking her if I did anything wrong and that she was no longer on Facebook (meaning she was no longer on my page as a friend) but I did not get a text back right away or throughout the day. I chalked it up and took it as something but it has raised a question all day. Here I thought, knowing of our relationship in the past being rocky and always going up and down, maybe we could start on a new slate but apparently this friend did not want. If she decided to befriend me on Facebook and then block me like I did her 2 years ago I let it go. I just woke up and found that she no longer was my friend on Facebook was a shock. I realize now who my true friends are and maybe she was only going to be back for a short time after all. Are we two different people today?
I Thought It Was Going to Work This Time
I was willing to give JSL a second chance. The chance was not because I felt guilty or did not feel it was not going to work. We were texting back and forth from Monday to Thursday and then this morning, after having her on Facebook for two days, she was no longer a friend, and she blocked me. I texted her and asked her if I did anything wrong but never heard from her all day. I was disappointed and confused. What did I do? I thought it was going to work this time. In the meantime I am not going to cry any tears or ask what happened because the relationship I had with JSL has been a rocky one from time to time from the time we became friends. I do not know if it was the influence of certain people in her life or mine or not but that was never really figured out. I did not spend the past two years blasting about JSL in a bad way nor do I intend to do so even today. At the time I walked away from her, two years ago September 1, I had my reasons and I did just block her from Facebook and prevent her from texting and calling me. My emotions were raw and negative at the time I did such a thing but today I would never do that to anyone without giving them a reason why I have to delete them because I want everyone to be able to explain themselves and we can possibly work things out before I decide to delete the person. Why I did what I did 2 years ago is a question I have to answer but I am not forcing myself to dwell on any questions and cause some great anxiety and more confusion in my want to be peaceful world.

Loving My Day

Yay, it is Friday!  The weekend has FINALLY arrived and I have no plans tomorrow.  The Pastor and his wife will be going to Delavan tomorrow so I will not be going to church until next week in Beloit.  So tomorrow I have no plans.

Today was a fair day.  I did not go anywhere.  I just stayed home all day.  The only time I left my apartment was to feed Oreo the cat (Catie’s cat), pay my rent for the month of October, and relax.  It is was not a boring day whatsoever.

My 10/2/14 Thoughts

Today I had to do something that was on my mind for weeks and I will be getting a new Rescare worker in the future.  I have figured out where some of my anxiety has been coming from for the past several weeks.  While talking to the right person about some concerns I have been having about one of my Rescare workers, I learned that another worker of mine had to be let go at this time so I will be having a new worker for every other Saturday and Sunday as well as having a Rescare worker replaced in the near future.  Do I feel bad about saying something?  No, it just took me several weeks to muster up the courage to say something about my concerns.

Today, remember a fine woman in my life who has been gone since October 1, 1997, is remembered in my heart.  Today would have been her 95th birthday if she was still alive.  She died from congestive heart failure at Mercy Hospital.  With her heart issues, I am not here to tell a little bit about losing her.  I am here only to remember a fine woman, my grandmother Myra Irene Fox who was born on October 2, 1919.  I have tons of memories with her that grew from childhood to early adulthood.  She died when I was 27 years old.  Even though Grandma Myra is gone now her birthday is not totally gone from my mind.  I do not celebrate her birthday anymore and have not done so since she has passed away but I do recognize this very day, today, her day.  She was one day short of her 78th birthday and I have known since her death that she is not in pain anymore.  I hope to see her in heaven one day!  Grandma Myra was a wonderful woman with a wonderful heart.  I miss her very much some days but memories of her growing up and stories she has told me through the first 27 years of my life are numerous and my growing up knowing her has been what God has purposely put together.

My First Entry In a While

Oh my goodness gracious…

Time… has… escaped… me… and I have not written much in September.  I have only written three entries last month.  My summer months have been busy and September has been even more busy than usual with appointments, grocery shopping, cleaning, and food prep, and church, Bible study/prayer meeting began again in September on Wednesday nights after having a summer break.  With Fall now here, according to the calendar, the weather is now going to get cooler now and then cold and colder.  The idea of winter on its way is a good thing but the weather being on the cold and colder side does not please me.

Well, anyway, a new month has begun and a new day has come and gone.  Today was not a very busy day but I did have my shower at 10:15 – 11:30 am this morning, Bible study/prayer meeting tonight at 7 pm to 8 pm.  With Fall here daylight seems to leave early in the evening and by 6 pm it is getting dark.  I find this the wonders of the Fall and Winter months.

It is getting late so I am heading to bed now.  I got home from Bible study/prayer meeting a little before 9 pm and decided to get comfortable for a little while.  It is 9:30 pm so off to bed I go.

Childish!!!

What can I do for someone who is dealing with depression and having health issues when I have done what I could for her already in the past but she has decided to leave me feeling yucky inside after dealing with her rejecting my phone calls twice?  All I can do for this person, who I once called a friend, is pray.  I have been hurt very badly by this person that it cannot be repaired with willingness.  When someone asks me to call them back and while I call that someone back and my calls get rejected twice.  I will not stand for that whatsoever from someone I trusted and then pulled a stunt like that.  This one person I am speaking of is my neighbor who lives right above me.  I once enjoyed having her here to watch TV with me and a movie or two.  That has not happened for over two months now except for once or twice but that was before the phone call incident happened.  I wish nothing bad to happen to my neighbor but I wish she would stop playing her childish games.

Life

Today is Labor Day.  IDS is closed so I will not get any services until tomorrow I will have laundry and cleaning done and then on Thursday I will be going grocery shopping and cooking.  I did have my shower gal come at 9 am in this morning to give my shower.  Then between 2 pm and 3 pm, I got my recliner back after Pastor Van and his wife took it last week to fix it.   Apparently, a design flaw with the chair, the cord rubbed between two points and severed the wires so the chair did not work any longer.  Pastor Van fixed the chair by working the wire that was cut/severed and rerouted the cord so that it would not rub and the cord will expose any wire to get cut.   For a whole week I had lived with a space in the area where the chair was and now I have it back, and the space has been occupied with my recliner once more.  I enjoyed the space that was there for as long as it was here.  Do I miss the space?  Yes, but my bottom was getting sore sitting on the futon from day to day, and sometimes at night, and I do not miss sitting on the futon right now.  For a day and a half, I sat on a donut made for those who have troubles with hemorrhoids and it relieved the pressure on my bottom for the several hours.  It was very hard to get on my computer during the week I sat on my futon.  It was a break that I did not want to take but had to.

Burbank Plaza Thoughts

Life at Burbank Plaza Apartment Complex has not changed any more than it already had since August of 2013 – a year ago or so.  We got a new manager who knows her job and has gotten acknowledgment for doing a great job by her boss earlier this year.  Ever since SB has come into the building to be our onsite manager and be among us crazy tenants, this place has taken shape, has been formed into a livable and lovely place.  Along those who will abide by the rules and behave and be good tenants there are those who have their issues and lives to contend with along with their distaste of how this place has become.  Some tenants do not like SB because of how she handles things.  It is the tenants who will lose out on kindness and understanding from SB not SB losing out.  I believe she cares but she doe not let such opinions bother her.

Appointment

Here I was … worried about nothing!  Appointment with Dr. K went smoothly.  She understands my anxiety and I did ask questions. The only complaint that I had was the fact that they could not get a weight on me because of the way they have their scales set up.   My balance is one issue that some doctors do not take into consideration but when I finally lose some weight, it will be easier.

My Monday

Oh my goodness!  I discovered Pandora last night on my ROKU system.  I have been listening to it for the past 45 minutes or so and now it is time for me to go to bed.  It is going on 11 pm.  Time just flies on by when I am working on a project and tonight’s little project was watching some YouTube videos and listening to Contemporary Christian music on Pandora tonight.  I am going to say good night now.  I did have a fairly good day again.  I went grocery shopping with my worker (substitute) J this morning at 1015 am and then had laundry and cleaning from 1 pm to 315 pm or so.  I even watched a movie titled “Saving Mr. Banks” and it was real good.  I even talked to MM this afternoon before 5 pm today when she was able to get back to the office after helping clients to and from wherever they needed to be.  So I had a fair day and it is finally time to say good night and go to bed.  Good night!

A Quiet Sunday

Today is one fairly good day.  I have been watching Netflix for almost a month now and I am now watching recorded television now for the first time in a long time.  Since I did not go to church yesterday or today, I have decided to do what I can in writing with a cat nearby or wanting to be on my lap.  Yes, I have either a laptop or a cat on my lap these days so I have to use my phone a lot for gaming, texting, and have it nearby when my Rescare workers do not use it.