I am so glad Wednesday is coming! I cannot believe how busy I have been the past two days! I am looking forward to sleeping in but let’s talk about today since tomorrow has not come yet.
My shower gal came at 830 am and got me showered and I got dressed for the day. After she left at 9:45 am, I had time for myself before 1 pm so I did a few things online other than got ready to go to my appointment. At 12:50 pm I decided to wait for my ride to take me to my appointment and it did not show up. I ended calling the place of appointment and told them if I did not show up it was because my ride never showed up. They told me that since I called ahead of time and said something it would not be my fault but the company that is supposed to pick me up. I ended up calling IDS to let the secretary that this was an urgent matter and MM got on it right away and we both found out that they put my ride on Wednesday, January 26th instead of January 25th! MM ended up coming to get me and taking me to my appointment. I was not a happy camper that my ride got messed up by a company we have to call in order to get a ride from company as far as medical appointments go. I am beginning to lose my trust in this company but not the company who takes me to my appointments. Also having to call some company to establish a ride with a company in your city, town, or area where you live when the transportation is right there is absolutely ridiculous and kind of mindless. Whoever came up with this idea may have had a great or good idea but it is not working out too well at the moment. There is some things that need to be ironed out yet. I feel there are so many loopholes.
Despite all the confusion and feeling a bit upset and not trusting a company, I have to admit that I did get to my appointment on time. MM picked me up and brought me back home. The appointment ended up focusing on the company that put my ride on the wrong day but right time for a 2 pm pick up to my appointment and a 305 pm ride back home. We also discussed the issue with my neighbor and I from a couple of weeks ago that happened here at my place for a couple of minutes. RS and I are okay now. The appointment went well. Having MM at every other counseling appointment I have scheduled helps me out a lot because then I have MM to myself for about an hour or so every couple of weeks.
As for the rest of my day today, I am going to say that it was very good. I came home and relaxed, ordered dinner out, and watched a little bit of television, took my evening meds, and fell asleep in my recliner.
The weekend is now behind me and now that Monday has come into play I am going to have a very busy day, and tomorrow is going to be a semi-busy day. I got my labs drawn Saturday and I had gotten a call from my kidney coordinator on the results of my blood work that I had done and found that my creatinine is 1.9 but the rest of my labs are excellent. I am once again, somehow, dehydrated once again so from this day forward, or since the weekend, I will be drinking lots of liquids that do not have caffeine in them. I am not much of a pop drinker anymore anyway. Pop tastes good but it does horrible numbers to our bones, teeth, and vital organs. I have been dehydrated several times before in the past 25 years now that I am very good with my body. Anyway, I was glad I was able to talk to my kidney transplant coordinator in Madison today and I got my labs drawn for the month of February, and took care of things with the right people.
For a couple of years now I have been unable to trust the Mercy system in my city and state. It began in 2012 that later sent my emotions into a whirlwind of confusion and anger. I have not been to the emergency room ever since March of 2012 and care not to have the Mercy system take care of me as far as my kidney is concerned. The memory of the ER doctors not doing what I have asked them to do and being sent home and by the fifth visit to ER one of the doctors did exactly what I specified, and I was admitted into the hospital for two days to get rehydrated from being dehydrated and my potassium level was low. I was not very happy that I had to visit the ER five times to finally get things done right. I am still not happy with Mercy except for the primary doctor I have that does work for the Mercy system. I do trust my primary doctor here in my city but that is about it. As far as going to the ER at Mercy Hospital that will never happen again.
With all that happened to me that year, I ended up having a breakdown at my counseling appointment and was willing to be admitted into the hospital for my emotional help. I was in the hospital for 3 days and discharged by Friday and the weekend had fully taken place. I had gotten my medications revamped and taken care of as far as my anxiety and panic disorder, and I have, since then, found myself in a better state of mind.
From now on I am not going to be playing catch up when it comes to writing in my diary. I am a fairly busy gal these days and I just do not have a whole lot of time. I am still going to stick to writing but it will not be everyday as I had hoped. Life is what it is today and that is the way I see it. My world spins and spins and I have spun many webs in my lifetime just like everyone else yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and some of those webs have not been pleasant. Life is not always a ripe bowl of cherries. There are some rotten ones in there as well unfortunately. I live life one day at a time now and stay out of trouble by keeping to myself. I do not like to be a part of a group because there is always someone in the group that starts trouble and where I live, there is trouble brewing and at this time I have nothing to do with the trouble that is going on. Writing about such life day after day can bore people and I wish not to be boring or repetitive in a way that I am a nuisance or someone’s pain in the behind. I’d rather be considered the type of person who loves and does what she can do in life. I love Jesus and I know he died for me and my sins, and I love reading the Bible and studying with others. Life is not as easy as I would lie it to be but I can surely live day by day!
Today at church I had learned that my neighbor NMS had gotten in a car accident that made her car flip twice and she was sitting in her car upside down as the car was it’s top! The car is totaled and NMS is going to be fine. She was St. Mary’s Hospital getting checked out and released later in the afternoon.
After church, hoping to see Grandma Van Arsdale at Cedar Crest, I went to get my labs drawn for Madison and an UA done. I have not been feeling the greatest but not at my total worse either. I will find out my results on Monday. As I was coming home, NMS came right behind me with church members bringing her home from the hospital.
I am glad NMS is going to be okay! When I had heard the news of her getting into the car accident, my heart felt strange at first until I heard she was going to be okay. I love NMS very much and wish nothing bad to happen to her but there are days I have to back away from her because of her mood shifts and other issues that are going on in my life. She has defended CSE so many times and is an enabler so it is best to stay a part from people like that. There needs to be an intervention for CSE!
It has been VERY busy around here lately. It is amazing that I have even found time to write this morning. I have had my shower at 830 am, my IDS worker is here doing laundry and cleaning now – 1040 am – because the IDS office was closed for President’s Day yesterday. I will be going grocery shopping this afternoon at 12 noon to ?? as well because of yesterday. The schedule did not throw me off or anything but I am feeling like a chicken with her head cut off getting up to do this and that, and find my world a little topsy turvy today. I am managing, though. No anxiety or anything – no feeling of it anyway at the moment. At least I will be getting out to go grocery shopping shortly and then come back to do other things that are important to me. I have not been on Facebook yet except to post spiritual, uplifting Scriptures from my cell phone from http://www.youversion.com. I do my best at posting Scriptures from my phone daily but there is an issue sometimes.
I do have to admit that I am still feeling very uncomfortable with what happened Saturday between me and RS Saturday night but I surely am hoping to resolve it before too long. Having such anxiety and thinking I no longer want to have any friends in the building has crossed my mind big time yesterday and I am going to stick to that idea for good even when RS and I work things out. RS and I are two adults and we can work things out civilly but it is going to take a few days to calm down. The anxiety is great at my end. I can feel the warmth and heat in my face and that is a horrible feeling to have. It is an uneasiness that cannot be pushed away just like that.
Despite how I felt from Saturday evening to this point, I do have to say that life must go on and life does go on. It is just like the television show that starred Kellie Martin, Chris Burke, Bill Smitrovich, and Patti LuPone…”Life Goes On”. It has become one of those most important aspects of life. God is still in my world and I am glad of that. Having things to do that are important in my life, I have to go on with my day as normal no matter what emotions I have felt the past three days and practically four nights now. I know, deep down in my heart RS and I will work things out.
I really want to scream and cry. Over the weekend, without RS here, I was able to realize that if the one tenant who calls me a recluse all the time and in my face one day while I visited RS last week, “I thought you were dead” upset me. I was not pleased. I have to admit that if she was truly a friend, I believe she could have come down to my place and see what I have been up to all the time she has been living here. Okay, so what if I am a recluse! I have my life and I wish not to be a part of any group that causes trouble and talks trash about someone. RS has talked bad about our manager more than once for some reason or another. What RS told me will not be shared. I have to respect her privacy and her privacy is well noted.
Okay, I am falling behind in my journaling once again. I am playing catch up once again and there isn’t enough time in a day from morning to night to get things done after important things are taken care of. All in the same thought, I will NEVER argue the sunup and sundown God created for us. We need our rest and our time away from work to relax in honor of Him. Once again, though, I have fallen behind and want to play catch up this weekend. Since my menses are causing some havoc on me, I have time to catch up on my journaling.
Today is the day that my ‘sister pup’ Ranger will be a part of the family. Yes, Mom and her husband are getting Ranger today and taking her to her new home in Carlsbad, New Mexico. I am very excited for my parents as well as for myself. Woo hoo!
Sleep was very hard to find last night. I could only feel the warmth of my face and the burning of my ears from anxiety that came about after RS left. I am glad I did not go to church today. My menses have been a pain this weekend. I will not be seeing RS any time soon or care to.
I talked to my mom – texted – after getting a picture of Ranger Pup. She told me that Ranger’s Daddy Pup Forman’s mother pup’s name is Krissy and I found that pretty awesome!! Not only does Ranger have a Gramma pup named Krissy, she has a “sister’ named Kristi and my nickname will be ‘Sissy Krissi’. I feel so honored knowing that Ranger comes from a fine pedigree and lineage of Basenji pups named Lucy and Foreman. I spell my nickname ‘Krissi’ because my name Kristi ends with an i.
Great! Sleep is hard to find tonight. RS came down with Sport for a while and then, after running to the bathroom and coming back, RS grabbed Sport’s stuff off my walker, and took Sport and left my apartment saying “figure it out when you grow up” … I did try to ask her what I did wrong before she even said those words to me and I am very confused and hurt. I feel I do not owe her an apology for something I do not know what I did or even said. After tonight, I am going to keep my distance from her. It does not pay to be friends with anyone in the building I live in. Too many cliques at Burbank Plaza Apartments and I am not going to be a part of it. Let RS hang with her friends who bash and are upset with the management because of the enforced rules and regulations, and the so called lies they suspect are going on. Tenants go off so easily because of tone of voice or attitude, or something that was not meant to happen. I AM GOING THROUGH MY MENSES FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
I have locked the door and turned off all the lights except for one for the rest of the night. I am done having company tonight and I am going to wait until my shower gal comes at 3 pm to help with my shower tomorrow afternoon. I am not having anymore company the rest of the weekend. I won’t even allow RS to come in if she knocks or will I answer the phone when she calls the rest of the weekend. I am not going to put up with anyone’s outbursts but my own.