Another week is going by both slowly and quickly… Why do I say this? It is because it really depends on the day and what is happening or not happening.
Happy Veteran’s Day! I would like to wish everyone the best day possible because my heart goes out to all who have served in the Vietnam War era and are fighting for our country today. I would like to thank for everyone in the military for serving. My heart goes out to all of the families who have lost their loved ones and friends in the time of war. Their fight has not been forgotten here because I have a dad who served in the Army during his younger days and a brother who also served in the Army as well when he was younger as well.
Happy Veteran’s Day!
I am so glad the weekend has arrived! Yesterday being the last Friday (three weeks in a row) was my last iron infusion and I am very happy it’s over. Now I can concentrate on other things that matter to me. Anyway…
I went to Woodland Community Church this morning with the Pastor and his family (wife, mother and father). While I waited for Sabbath school to start I looked at my Facebook page and noticed someone commented on a news item I had shared. The friend said these exact words “You are a traitor!” All because I shared a news article from Yahoo news I get on my phone about a Republican named McCain, I was called a traitor. I chuckled at the idea for a while and decided to leave a comment back defending my reason for sharing. I will admit that I am a Republican but that does not mean I agree with what the government is doing and where it is going. I was born into a Republican family and I won’t deny my reason for being a Republican. I am not totally politically inclined but I do understand what is going on and why. I do not always agree with what is going on. I do not need to defend my side of the fence or anyone who is not on the same side. So I have something I want to do today and that is writing a note on Facebook but I did not get to the note after all. It’ll have to wait until tomorrow after I get home from church at Bethel.
Today was a better day for me. No tears and no wanting to cry. Today, for the last Friday and the 3rd Friday of my iron infusion regimen, was the last Friday for a while. I am glad of that to be very honest. I really like my Fridays, after 1015 to be free of outside activity if I can really help it. I do not like to have appointments on Fridays because my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are usually the busiest days of the week and on an occasional Tuesday I have counseling every two to three weeks (sometimes four weeks).
My shower has been taken and I am in my “house dress” of choice this morning. I am not going anywhere today and I am looking forward to a day of relaxation after my IDS worker MJ leaves when we are done with food preparation for the week. It has been a long night for me for some reason but I am going to be the best I can.
For some reason, all afternoon, I just want to cry. The tears want to roll down my cheeks. I have no idea was to why I have this problem today. I had a great morning as far as having my shower and having MJ here preparing my meals for the week. I decided to watch, after buying it on Vudu, the movie “Heaven is Real” that became popular this summer based on a true story and book written by a Pastor named Todd Burpo. The story accounts his son Colton Burpo’s experience during the time he was in the hospital with an ruptured appendix at the age of 4. The movie was very good but the book told the story better to me. Even though I said that the book told the story better, I do highly recommend the movie to others. The wanting to cry had occurred before watching the movie and I did cry through parts of the movie and a little afterwards. I am going to be okay. I believe I just had an afternoon of release.
Have you ever run into a time where you get all ready for the night to relax and get comfortable, and want to sleep but then all of a sudden you get fired up about something? I have to admit that I am like that a lot and tonight, although, tired, I am definitely in the need to write one more time what I have on my mind. This moment has not escaped me yet to rest but I am tired. I did take my medications after getting comfortable for the night now that I have been home from Bible study/prayer meeting and my relaxation medication is beginning to do its job – relaxing me – lol,
With the time zone change in Wisconsin it is now very dark out after 5 pm and it just makes it feel later than what the “real” time is. This is one of four reasons I do not like the wintry months that follow autumn months. I also do not like how the weather will be cold, icy, and full of snow. I do not mind the snow as much as I do mind the ice and the cold! Tonight I plan on going to Bible study/prayer meeting but my brain was bouncing back and forth about really wanting to go or not, though. I hate it when Satan does his best at driving a wedge into my thinking process or day! He will never give up until the end of the world when Jesus returns to bring his people home to be with him forever with our heavenly Father. I will fight a good fight!
It seems that my “I have a lot to say” is yet a work in progress. I still have a lot to say and it is quite a bit. Time has found its way to get some journaling done – finally! It feels good to find the time even though at times it may be short and sweet and more will come at a later time. My life consists of grocery shopping and cleaning/laundry after my 9 am shower on Mondays, Tuesdays are not super busy unless I have an appointment and most of the time I have counseling scheduled early afternoon, on Wednesdays, unless it is a holiday, I have my shower in the morning closer to the noon hour and then Bible study in the evening. Whether it is a holiday or not I have my showers on holidays. On Thursdays I have my showers at 830 am and then meal prep at 10 am to noon. Fridays are my days where I do not do much after my 9 am shower but the past three weeks – October 24th, October 31st, and November 7th, I have had an appointment at 130 pm at the TCC (Treatment Coordination Center) in the hospital to have iron infusions. This Friday, November 7th, is my last appointment. On Saturdays, two Saturdays a month I go to church, and every Sunday, when a ride is available that morning to get to Sunday school and church at 11 am, I go. I have a very busy week one way or another. My day is filled with something. I do not have a boring week even if I even tried.
The past couple of days I have been working on my journaling, not to catch up on the days I have not done any journaling, it is because I really do have a lot to say and do not have anywhere to go until 630 pm. Tonight is Bible study.
It seems I am finding myself not interested in the lives of other tenants of Burbank Plaza, Garden Court, and Riverview Heights more and more. I will be sociable to people when I see them out and about but no longer friends with anyone in such buildings as that. I help a neighbor with her kitty Oreo and friendly to her because CD and I are clients of IDS. Otherwise my interest in the tenants at Burbank Plaza is not at personal level. I haven’t lost total respect of the tenants but I have lost my interest in tenants at a personal level. All my friends are outside of the building now and they all go to church where I go or we have communication on Facebook, phone, and other social connections online. I have become a private person and will share what is not person on Facebook now-a-days. I do not have anyone come visit me too often anymore that live in the building and I do not go visiting other tenants. I believe in the privacy of others, too. It sit at home and watch TV, Netflix, listen to Pandora, do my journaling, Bible reading and study, Facebook posts and comments, reading, and have people from IDS, Rescare, Catholic Charities, and Pharmacy come when they are scheduled to come. I have my things to do outside the building so I am not home all the time nor am I alone seven days a week. I have not had a boring day in a long time. There is always something to do!
I have had so much to say for the past several days that I have not really given myself a whole lot of time to write so I can say what has been on my mind for the longest time. Why can I not start out November out that way by writing in my diary again? There is no reason why, really, why I have not done so except for the fact I have been very busy and last month I did have a couple of days go by so quickly because I got busy doing what I love doing most and that is being on Facebook. I am glad that JSL got a hold of me via text message last month and we are starting fresh from having a two year hiatus from one another when I had walked away from her without letting her know why. The circumstances at the time were too great for me and my emotions were still in a realm of understanding because in March 2012 I was in the hospital because I finally had an emotional breakdown in my counselor’s room at her work. The events that led up to my walking away, knowing now I did it in haste, have brought in a lot of emotional turmoil into my world I could not quite figure out yet. I was not sure as to my world being of anxiousness or pure emotion I have not experienced in many years because my world was anxiety all around. I decided, willingly and with God’s approval, accepted JSL back into my world but this time I will not divulge any information to her. I will keep a clean slate with our friendship this time and it will be kept at a distance to the extent that she has her life and I have mine, she has her friends and I have mine, and I will NEVER get her involved in anything that does not involve her. I will respect her space and she will respect mine. Anyway, upon allowing her into my life, the first four days were going great – at least that is what I thought – until I saw that she had blocked me from Facebook after the first four days of reconnecting with one another – JSL throwing the ball in the court and I accepted and volleyed the ball back into her court with a kind heart. I did not question JSL’s thinking any further than asking her “did I do something wrong and if I did do anything to please let me know.” I did not hear from her from that Friday through the entire weekend but I had hoped and prayed that I would find out what happened. I did not worry about it after that and did look on my phone to see if she texted me throughout the weekend. I told myself that it was not a great loss and JSL has the right to do what she wants as we are two different people and we do have our own lives. After the weekend was over, I had gotten a message on Facebook from JSL saying that she was sorry she blocked me and told me why. She said “we were moving too fast” and I thought that it was wonderful that she came to me and was able to talk to me openly about something that mattered to her. I replied back to her openly and willingly to say I understand her reason telling her I know where I may have gone wrong but we did not have to discuss it any further and that I was glad she was able to come to me and express her feelings. After I wrote back to her, I saw that she had sent a friendship request on Facebook and I willingly accepted with no reservations or questions. We have been friends for a while now once again and this time I believe we are going to survive as friends once again.
Remember, I have a lot to say, okay? Yes, I am not done yet. This is just the beginning since my last entry. I feel I have so much to do for myself than I have ever done for myself in the past. Now that I have time for myself, before my appointment at 2 pm this afternoon, I thought I would take the time to write what has been on my mind for so long and the first paragraph I have written so far. It is a start anyway. Well, it is not quite over … yet … I still have a lot to say! I know I have had a lot of entries I have not written and October has some empty entries. I am to blame for not writing, though. When I do not write, it does not mean that I have had a boring day or anything bad happened. It means that my day has words that can not always be found without stumbling. I have been able to be my own advocate lately and speak my mind openly with words from my mouth. My life has not been boring whatsoever. I just do not always know what to say without sounding like a broken record.
It is November 4th and it is voting day all around. Before today I have seen commercials and videos on TV, cell phone, and on the computer of the candidates who are in the running. It drives me crazy to see how bad one candidate is for their opponent and visa versa. It actually makes me sick to my stomach and. livid. It can not be done in a kind manner anymore. Then, when someone gets voted in and someone does not like the person that was voted in, people are so unhappy. There is never going to be a happy medium when it comes to politics. We are for one side or another, for one person and not for another. No one is going to be happy politically. I find that the only kingdom I find pleasant and I am waiting as patiently as I can is God’s kingdom and He is the ruler of all. It is not going to get any better from this day forward, Biblically speaking, as we are all living in the last days. It does not matter if your time is almost up or not, we are all living in the last days today. Christ’s second coming is soon.
Living at Burbank Plaza has been pleasant lately. I may not like the neighbor above me making a lot of noise at certain times of the day but I put up with it the best I can by listening to relaxing music or Christian music, or another genre I enjoy very much. I do have to, unfortunately, get back into my routine of reading devotionals, read the Bible, and get back to writing more because I have procrastinated enough or have gotten involved in materialistic things the past few weeks. God wants me to stay focused on Him. I can not stray now. I am already playing catch up with a couple of devotions at YouVersion.com now. My life is NOT that busy to set aside time for God! My life feels weird when I do not do something. Anyway, I still keep to myself and do some of the activities but I do not get too involved with the tenants anymore. After my friendship relationship with RS went south I have vowed I was only going to be friendly with tenants. I have all my friends outside the building now. I do not mean to be harsh or sound cruel in any way here but I have been hurt and RS has burned all of her bridges with me and she no longer comes down to visit me Friday nights like she used to. She does not even make an effort to come see me anymore. That is her choice and her right to do so. I have stopped her from being able to call me and I no longer have her headaches and her unhappiness of living here. If I could, I would wipe the unhappiness from many people but I am unable to. I have to take care of me and my health, and do what makes me happy. I do not like to be bothered like several other people do here at Burbank Plaza. I will always be friendly and kind to tenants as I come and go from my place to another and back again. It is better to keep to yourself in a building like Burbank Plaza.
It is time for me to go now. I have an appointment at 2 pm this afternoon and my ride will be here in a few minutes. I will write more entry later.
Now with November starting and October over, I can sit back and relax a little. I still have a lot to say but I do not have a whole lot of time to write everything down now. My shower gal will be here in a few minutes already! I just do not know where time goes when it comes to time goes by so fast on me. I am busy doing something and then I look at the time and find that I have to go and get ready for something else. I am so glad that there is a day of rest that God calls Sabbath. I will write more later.