Monthly Archives: March 2006

Fish heads

Posted on by
Reply

Fish heads
Fish heads
Roly poly fish heads
Fish heads
Fish heds
Eat them up YUM!

I would write about yesterday… but “Why is yesterday different from all other days?” (it’s not time for passover yet beth) and you arent even the youngest person at the table) ( you are the only person at the table)

Last night Chris and I took my friend to Cafe Brazil. (oh we are shocked). I had the grilled cheese. You haven’t eaten grilled cheese till you have had it at cafe brazil. Go ahead… Google Cafe Brazil in Dallas. Read the menu and then droooooook if you arent here.

It might rain today… it looks darkish blue and nasty.my fingers are cold. I should get dressed for work but it is usually about ten minutes later when i START saying that. OH- Dr. Today… better czech the time.

BGABGAI

The ethics of forced entry titling

Posted on by
1

It’s couldy. I just looked at the extended forcast and it looks like tomorrow is going to be thunderstorms, and then maybe a reprieve slightly on wednesday, but then again on thursday.

I did not bother to czech the extended forcast.

Chris came over and helped me tidy up ( he had a love affair with a mop he bought and the perfect bucket) ( i am serious) because a friend is coming to visit. That means an airport drive by which is easy since i only pass it 4 times a day.

I don’t have to make my bed, When the ruffle, sheets, and comforter are maroon…. it just looks like a big red bed. the twisted up blanket gives it charm.

Look, I tidied things up, did some laundry, chris helped with the kitchen and he mopped my bathroom. I tried to vaccum but the thingey was cloggied and I uncloggied it many many times but it kept to seem to get cloggied again. My friend of impending visit said ” don’t worry I can vaccum”…

(sigh) how it always is?

I have a sinus headache. I noticed it really early this morning, and of course thought i was just tired or something but this always hapens right before it rains. I need to stop and get some sudafed or something while I am at work..

OH OH OH talk about controlled substance! The other day I had to get some tylenol sinus… and they made me show them ID and sign paperwork. Apparently some people are using products with pseudoephedrineHCl to somehow boil it into meth, or crack, or ritalin… something like that. the pharmacist told me.

I should look up how to make it, I am sure it is on the internet…. It’s not like i cant go to every store and fill out paperwork to get a large…. oh yeah… paperwork. heh. always catches up with ya. (this dark joke has been brought to you by dickies… who you hope eventually get’s thrown in his barbeque pit)

I have been writing more. That is good. It means that… well… i was living life not writing about it but still… i was drawing compulsively. I always do things like that, writing or drawing… or stalling when i really should be getting ready to leave. I so do not want to get dressed. I am Tiiiiiiired. My hair is this big pre thunderstorm fuzz ball- and like most things in texas… it’s only getting bigger.

oh i wish i could vaccum.

ok if i dont get dressed now i might be late. Tiiired.

Shtarbuks

Posted on by
2

My dad and I usually talk to eachother at some point in the morning. Somehow to touch daily base… define the plans for later, or lack of plans…

The kids are coming from school early and i am to meet them when they get home. this is in 25 minutes.

I haven’t had a venti iced white mocha in several dayss. Need that.

Beth go bye bye

Home

Posted on by
1


“why is the path unclear
when we know home is near?
understand we’ll go hand in hand
but we’ll walk alone in fear.
where do we go from here?”

-The almighty Buffy Musical episode
season Six episode #7

What is home? I should look it up in the dictionary, like rick used to do in his diary with the whole entry and grammar and meaning. If i looked it up would it say that Home is where you hang your hat? or is home where the heart is? Is home the place you sleep? the place where your clothes are… the place where your cat is? When you get older… do you go to a home to get ready to really go home? and is “a home” the same as home? Some commercial claims that their product will “make your house a home”. So then how is a house that you live in not your home? what makes it your home?

in the fourteen years that i have been in texas, i have “moved” thirteen times. First from New York to Dallas with my father, then into another apartment with my father, then into another apartment with suzi and her sister and friends, and then another apartment with suzi, and a friend Brandon. At that apartment “1109″ there were people moving in and out all the time. Such was true for the house On Oram,which came after living in a different loft place after 1109. From Oram to Lee street to a tent on a palet in the woods of north austin. To Pleasant grove,Connecticut, then back to dallas on velasco, then a transition period when I stayed with LoLo for a while and then a hotel for 4 months before moving to this apartment where i have been for…. a year and a half?

The places I have felt most at “home” (did i ever define what home is?)was in the the woods at the rainbow gatherings and after that… the tent. A tent isn’t permanent… why is it what feels right to me? Why did i have tents inmy bedrooms at different times where i have lived. Tents promise no permanency…Why then is that home? Why have i felt the safest in flimsy canvas dwellings?

Tents dont ever pretend to be anything more than a temporary place to “home.” Looking at one doesn’t drudge upmemories of thanksgiving (at least for me). It does not remind me of my youth, or of where my loved ones are.

When I wake up in my tent… it reminds me where I AM….(not the apartment, the state , or the state institution) (they didn’t let her have tents in the institution) (why?) (probably because she is still using the parenthesis personalities) (smartass) and that is home i think. At least that’s the feeling i get when i hear other describe what home is.

(did she just say that home is an institution)

and for later when i want to read this entry in english :

“Hey Beth…. It’s time to get a new tent. “

Yes… yes i think that is right.

hmm… ooook. yeah.

buffy music has been playing all night. I did however umplug the speakers before i went to bed. I think my motivation was to have the music on while not having it bother me? If the computer plays music and theres no speaker to emit it to my ear then does it still play the music? you know what? I DONT CARE… it made me feel comfortable.

Oh shit… maybe music is also home… and art… art has always been home. Colors, beads, violin, guitar,markers, paints, watercolors, paste, paper, canvas, lots and lots of paper diaries and 4 years of this…

I hope i can fit all that in the new tent…

“It’s alright if some things come out wrong
we’ll sing a happy song
and you can sing along”
-duh- buffy…

and then she scrolled down the page and decided that it was time to press the button.

Thesis stemming from a question asked and answered in a bar two days ago.

Posted on by
3

You know… (those darn elipses)… I finally let Christopher drag me out to PLAY violin at the tavern on wednesday. One of the “people from the old days” and io struck up a conversation… and he said “how are you?”

and I said “I have absolutely nothing to complain about… I am great” and he said he was doing great too, and then we noted that wow… two people in a bar that dont have any bitching to do about the current state of their lives.

Sure there are the little things that snag us… Like… I got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out two weeks ago… didn’t realize that motrin would not solve the issue when the anesthia wore off… called the doc (he had worried about a pain killer interaction with my meds but didnt tell me.. he just said motrin)and yeah it hurt like hell… haha. And yeah i got pain killers… and yeah i dragged my ass out of bed with this mouthache and puffy cheeks from hell.

so it wasnt pleasant… but it didnt effect the overall state of my life. I didnt go into the tavern, get wasted and then tell everyone my horror story about how i didnt know about how much it would hurt… and everyone would drunkenly agree… haha.

I am sure on another day i might have mentioned the teeth (probably if they hurt- but when they did i didnt go out)… point being….

“I am doing great and have absolutely nothing to complain about”

now, I am jewish so naturally i can find things to complain apart.. as i write this i am on hold with a utility company- and i could be sitting here complaining about being on hold, and getting more angry by the second that everyone there isnt doing exactly what i want at exactly this moment… but you know…

over three “hold” times… I have managed to put out the idea that I really don’t have a damn thing to complain about in my life. And… I dont. I have the—- how many times do they have to transfer me to people… and why do I feel like this 4th wait of “the wait time to talk to coustomer service is 15-20 minutes” isnt a transfer to someone who is higher then the supervisor i just spoke to. isnt coustomer service the people that I spoke to in the first place…. (BETH get a hold of the jew in you)

There was no wait for coustomer service the first time. it was part of an automated system but there wasnt a wait. people are there and ready to answer calls… both times i was transferred it took less than 5 minutes…. SO… I am going to guess that having to wait 15-20 minutes to talk to “coustomer service” must mean that that every level of “help” there is “coustomer service” and that if i have to wait this long… then the people i am waiting for must be pretty damn important.

love the logic…

when in reality it probably said 15-20 minutes so that people will say “fuck that” and hang up. but i need to talk to someone with power… so i will wait.

and you know what?

I still dont have anything to complain about with regards to the generality of my life.

Earlier this week I pressed pants for a while at the cleaners to help out with an employee who needed some time… and that chemical stuff… man boy is it ever trippy it made verything so bright outside that….

ok how did i manage to speak to someone that suddenly couldnt hear me well but took my number so he could call me right back. heh.

Ilook down at the lifeless phone on the desk in front of me.
It may ring… it may not ring… but you know… now i have to let it go. Starting from the beginning again with that 1800 number will change the situation in that I might start feeling annoyed…. and why go through that when he might call me… and nothing is going to change anything about it over the weekend anyway.

So, I am going to go on about my day. On monday I’ll call and start from the beginning. No big. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised with a call back. Either way….

as turn my focus from

*Ring*

nothing…. dammit no one is there…

*ring*

“beth? this is ***** sorry about that, I couldnt hear you well and had to reboot my computer…”

and while on hold for whatever time this is…so that he can get the information he needs… I can clearly say….

I have absolutely not a damn thing in my life to complain about. My children are doing beautifully. I have awesome relationships with Mom, dad, and carole. I have been getting stronger and healthier mentally at an insanely speedy rate for months now. in fact… PROOF that i have been getting better… my father actually said the words “well use your best judgement”.

was he talking to me? heh. Yay. I am a person with that “credibility” earned through actions. It is a feeling that (“beth give me a moment I am still here sorry about holding) fills me with those things that are what i believe to be the important things. I feel safe, I feel loved, and I feel confident. I like who i am.

I am really glad though that i dont work at the utility company… Their methods don’t seem all that pragmatic.

….

…

(waiting for something to happen cause this is SO important we all need ….

You know…. it doesnt matter… I cant complain about anything in my life at all right now… (not even the utility company- the guy just fixed me up)

Be good

Purim

Posted on by
1

(I made all these up except the human race one)
and these really arent about purim mostly… but purim was on my mind… uh cause of the shalach manot sugar high… cross referenced with the fact that Z is going to do a stand up routine in a talent show

Q) Why did G-d create Eve?
A) Because he saw Adam and realized he could do better.


Q)Why did they dispose of Haman’s Body?
A) They were tired of him “hanging around”


Q) How did Moshe devide the red sea?
A) “Ok… Oxygen to the left… Hydrogen to the right!”


Q)Why couldn’t Adam become a doctor?
A) He had no Patients.


Q)Why is Adam a famous Runner?
A) He came first in the human race.


Q)Why did the Hebrews wander in the desert for 40 years?
A)They couldn’t find a chinese resteraunt.
B)No one would stop to ask for directions.

Q)Why did G-d make Eve?
A) He wanted to have a Rib Roaring good time.

Q)What did the Hebrews realize as Moses came down from Mt. Saini?
A)The golden calf idea was a bad moooooove.

Q)What did G-d give Moshe for his headache?
A) Two Tablets.


ok tacky i know…