You know… (those darn elipses)… I finally let Christopher drag me out to PLAY violin at the tavern on wednesday. One of the “people from the old days” and io struck up a conversation… and he said “how are you?”
and I said “I have absolutely nothing to complain about… I am great” and he said he was doing great too, and then we noted that wow… two people in a bar that dont have any bitching to do about the current state of their lives.
Sure there are the little things that snag us… Like… I got all four of my wisdom teeth pulled out two weeks ago… didn’t realize that motrin would not solve the issue when the anesthia wore off… called the doc (he had worried about a pain killer interaction with my meds but didnt tell me.. he just said motrin)and yeah it hurt like hell… haha. And yeah i got pain killers… and yeah i dragged my ass out of bed with this mouthache and puffy cheeks from hell.
so it wasnt pleasant… but it didnt effect the overall state of my life. I didnt go into the tavern, get wasted and then tell everyone my horror story about how i didnt know about how much it would hurt… and everyone would drunkenly agree… haha.
I am sure on another day i might have mentioned the teeth (probably if they hurt- but when they did i didnt go out)… point being….
“I am doing great and have absolutely nothing to complain about”
now, I am jewish so naturally i can find things to complain apart.. as i write this i am on hold with a utility company- and i could be sitting here complaining about being on hold, and getting more angry by the second that everyone there isnt doing exactly what i want at exactly this moment… but you know…
over three “hold” times… I have managed to put out the idea that I really don’t have a damn thing to complain about in my life. And… I dont. I have the—- how many times do they have to transfer me to people… and why do I feel like this 4th wait of “the wait time to talk to coustomer service is 15-20 minutes” isnt a transfer to someone who is higher then the supervisor i just spoke to. isnt coustomer service the people that I spoke to in the first place…. (BETH get a hold of the jew in you)
There was no wait for coustomer service the first time. it was part of an automated system but there wasnt a wait. people are there and ready to answer calls… both times i was transferred it took less than 5 minutes…. SO… I am going to guess that having to wait 15-20 minutes to talk to “coustomer service” must mean that that every level of “help” there is “coustomer service” and that if i have to wait this long… then the people i am waiting for must be pretty damn important.
love the logic…
when in reality it probably said 15-20 minutes so that people will say “fuck that” and hang up. but i need to talk to someone with power… so i will wait.
and you know what?
I still dont have anything to complain about with regards to the generality of my life.
Earlier this week I pressed pants for a while at the cleaners to help out with an employee who needed some time… and that chemical stuff… man boy is it ever trippy it made verything so bright outside that….
ok how did i manage to speak to someone that suddenly couldnt hear me well but took my number so he could call me right back. heh.
Ilook down at the lifeless phone on the desk in front of me.
It may ring… it may not ring… but you know… now i have to let it go. Starting from the beginning again with that 1800 number will change the situation in that I might start feeling annoyed…. and why go through that when he might call me… and nothing is going to change anything about it over the weekend anyway.
So, I am going to go on about my day. On monday I’ll call and start from the beginning. No big. Maybe I will be pleasantly surprised with a call back. Either way….
as turn my focus from
nothing…. dammit no one is there…
“beth? this is ***** sorry about that, I couldnt hear you well and had to reboot my computer…”
and while on hold for whatever time this is…so that he can get the information he needs… I can clearly say….
I have absolutely not a damn thing in my life to complain about. My children are doing beautifully. I have awesome relationships with Mom, dad, and carole. I have been getting stronger and healthier mentally at an insanely speedy rate for months now. in fact… PROOF that i have been getting better… my father actually said the words “well use your best judgement”.
was he talking to me? heh. Yay. I am a person with that “credibility” earned through actions. It is a feeling that (“beth give me a moment I am still here sorry about holding) fills me with those things that are what i believe to be the important things. I feel safe, I feel loved, and I feel confident. I like who i am.
I am really glad though that i dont work at the utility company… Their methods don’t seem all that pragmatic.
(waiting for something to happen cause this is SO important we all need ….
You know…. it doesnt matter… I cant complain about anything in my life at all right now… (not even the utility company- the guy just fixed me up)