I called my dad this morning and i asked him is there anything different i should be doing? am i doing something wrong? he said " beth you cant know whats going on behind you". he didnt even have a criticism. It must be the apocolypse… I have been watching too much buffy. 

I made up a joke that i told someone yesterday… and she asked me what it was and i cant remember. the only thing we both remember about the joke is that is was about mexicans. I doubt it was politically correct. It’s ok though I can pick on minorities… I am doing my part to make up for everything anyone ever did to my jewish ancestors…… I have a lot to make up for, good thing there are a lot of mexicans…

but i digress…
oh yeah that how the entries usually end. 

I was talking to someone yesterday about diary momentum. I dont have the same momentum in this diary as I once did. I dont make a huge effort to put in pictures or write about amazing things i learned… (at least things i thought were amazing). i havent carried around a notebook in a long time. 

I was in target today to get cat food and I did the store no no which is to go near the school supply aisle. I love the school supplies.. So many things together to make into other things… a cornucopia of base line mediums ( yes i know that isnt correct grammar), clean white paper right off the presses, markers all neatly sealed, notebook… I like the college ruled kind. Also it’s good if they are spiral. mechanical pencils in every style. It’s a rush.

I came out with something called gel pens. they are pens you write n your body with like you kind of make a tattoo but then it washes off with soap and water. they are really cool. I also got a new tooth brush. 

bye

Seek out and gather a wide range of specific items for about half a million people and have them all wrapped and ready to go by the 25th ( which incidentally is the first night of hanukkah). 

It’s kind of like a scavenger hunt, except no one gives you a list of what you have to find and it costs money. I need to make a list. Then I can move on to completing that list in the form of a graph. I am so uber smart.

People I need to Shop For

Zach & Helen- Taking the kids out this weekend toy shopping for hurricane victims… gonna see what they like and get it for them later (my friend Glenn turned me on to that idea)

Dad& Bubbie- No clue.. I can probably get away with giving them art… heh is that cheating?

Mom- again, I could make something… but i think she’d flip out if she actually received something in the mail… perhaps a card ( since i never send them to her. I am horrable at that… thing is she will be HERE in dallas on hanukkah staying at my dads while dad and bubbie are in israel… so i could just send it to her there.. she’d laugh i bet.

Rick- like i am really putting down what i got him since he reads this

My secret santa at work-I think i will get her a picture frame with a bbunch of areas for pictures… she is expecting her 4th child… so a picture group frame should work

Lars- A Porch/Coffee. (heh… porch… )

Christopher- that computer desk i need to get to him… maybe i’ll paint it… and my desk chair ( i am getting a new one after christmas if i dont get one for christmas)

Shannon- a bunch of purple glass beads in a small box ( i think it was purple that time when we were…. hm… 

Suzi- she needs a beth original she keeps saying so i will make her one.

Glenn- A porch/coffee

that pretty much covers all the people i believe i would like to give gifts to.  Rick and I went all present crazy and decided to give eachother a few little gifts and one big gift each. to open on christmas morning and then at night on hanukkah.  He already knows he’s getting headphones, and a good chair for his desk.  One of the other things i got is a biggie but it’s really for both of us. But I also got him a few other things that I think he will like and or need.

heh. it’s fun to do this quest and after actually writing this all out i see that i probably wont have to spend much money at all. Most of the "buy in store stuff" is easy or already done. the hard part is going to be coming up with art for people that is just for them. what would i paint with my mom in mind. It’s gonna be a lesson in focus and exploration of anothers head while i paint. sounds all mystical… but really it’s all abstract and insane like that because (as i told my mother last night) "Because i tripped acid in the ancient past, i was aware of depths that i didnt know were there and now since i know they exist i can achieve those kinds of mindsets… of course without all the halloucinations. Call it "finding a new place to meditate. I had to find it…. to know it was there. She said I sounded like a drug addict ( not the fiending gotta steal to get some addict… but the kind that would say " oh i dont have a drinking problem" when you can SEE that they do. She said i sounded like a drug addict because i was TRYING to justify ever taking acid. The thing is- two different people and two different opinions. My mother likes to go on and on. Yes, that is where i get it from. dont ever talk to your mom about drugs.

I am rambling. but drug free while doing it (with the exception of lamictal, welbutrin, lexapro, klonapin, and thyrar)

I need to zone out… yah.

When I first started taking it I was in the hospital and i couldnt stay awake. literally i had to ask to go to bed because i couldnt sit with my eyes open. I didn’t even realize it was the med. But it’s been almost 4 weeks. In the beginning i was taking such hard core naps that I would wake up to go to the kids… and think i had slept the whole night. 

I am listening to my station on yahoo. I forgot that i had the moody blues mixed in with show tunes. weird. My dj program on the computerhas like 500 songs, and i even get tired of them. 

So Buffy… When i first started watching buffy with lars a few months ago we started with season 4. well then rick gave me all 7 seasons for my birthday and i finished out 4, 5, 6, and 7. Then I started at 1. 2, and now I just started 3. and the plot thinckens

*wiping tears*