of the call and visit that I got from the woman covering for my NorthStar Social worker and they do a lot of it in the field, and she will help with different things. She (my regular social worker) and Clarence (my old case manager) are the two people that got my art show last year in september. Deb, My regular social worker helped me fill out the form for “Lone star cards” which make any food product free within a certain amount per month.

Today was the first day I was able to pick mi PIN and Rick F and I went shopping. We went and got “food products only” (grey poupon mustard counts), and we filled up the freezer with things we both like. I did not freak in the bread Isle, and I even found my favorite bread (Roman Meal) even though it was farrr out of the way and almost hidden. I have conquered the bread section.

The temporary social worker C, wanted to “get together” with me and talk about how I am doing right now. When she first called and I said “social worker alert” and he asked if he should make himself scarce, and I said no, it’s cool. I wish I had made him leave… No just kidding.

We talked about this art thing and i was pretty much ok. Rick wanted to remember to tell her about my anxiety attacks. There is something about the attacks. I dont freak out on anyone. I can sit there and look at rick naturally and say “man I have a lot of anxiety”. I never lose control of my language or body during anxiety it just hurts inside.

I will have to dig deeper into myself shortly and find out how I can put on such a facade and be in so much pain. I don’t mean anything except RAW pain. It literally hurts, but outside people can’t tell cause they dont notice.

But why talk about that. I have to go study spells.

Be good and begood at it.

10:47 and I have done some significant work on my area. It almost passes for neat… or shall we say “lived in”.

Birdie is making much conversation with himself. He is on one foot which means he is about to go to sleep… but he’s making so much noise. ah. He put the other foot down, preened himself for a moment, and then “beaked” his way down to his food dish… OH NO NOT THE BELL… ANYTHING BUT THE BELL.

Nevermind. I just heard UnnieCat knock something over in the kitchen, a reminder of the great truth that all things.. can get worse. Well, I am going to undo Unnie’s damage, and see if the dryer stuff is dry yet.

Update: Burdie is now on his back perch with his feathers up around his beak… I have a feeling it is going to be time for some serious sleep…. SOON.

was the title of a letter that suzi sent me. I woke up at 2 am and then again at 4am. At 4 am i had a terrible stomach pain and I drank some mountain dew hoping the bubbles would do what ever they do when you drink ginger ale. The mountain dew only made it worse. Somehow though, after a few minutes, my stomach settled down and I went back to sleep until 8ish.

Rick is a college professor, and school just started. His classes are mostly in the morning. What’s today… Wednesday? That means his class is from 9am -10 30? It’s 10 :25 right now. I’ll ask him when he get’s here.

Oh damn. He cleaned his desk. That means I have to clean mine. mine IS a mess right now. I have things that need to go into the kitchen, medicine cabinets “scrunchee drawr in the bathroom” cd cases, piles of thing unrelated to my desk whatsoever.

OK. I am motivated just by writing that.byeeeee

Be good and be good at it
Beth

My dad knows I just haven’t gotten out there to sell my paintings because I am not good at marketing and I dont really know what people like. I just know what I like.

My dad also knows every person that goes to our temple one of which is an art critic columnist that had his own gallery for many years, gives lectures… yadda yadda yadda… My dad had suggested I call him, and I did but I didn’t know what to say.

Anyhow my father took some of my paintings last night home with him because he said he was going to show it to his art critic friend. Well today around 6PM my father called me and he had the guy there and my father said that the guy said that I had talent and there is definately something “there”. He put me on the phone with the man who asked me if I have ever had art lessons, to whicch I replied in the negetive.

He asked me if he could take four of the works with him to some of his friends in “north dallas” (which implies the people have money) and see what they think because he thinks some of them are unbelievable. He told me that if I wanted to learn other texchniques as well I could take an art class.

I am thinking about it

My father said something about this guy potentially being my agent? I mean theres nothing serious at all here… and I would like to say “yet” but I am not holding my breath and I am going to go on making them as I like for now. My dad was so funny. when we were hanging up the phone he said ” so do whatever and if you feel like painting, go paint…”.

It’s nice to be validated by my father. However, I don’t feel like painting tonight. And that’s OK… Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and Gosh Darnit… People Like me!

Be good and be good at it
Beth

and dorks. Yes I am playing this game with my roommate and another player and yes I am 30 and the youngest person playing. Yes I am playing a georgeous human bardess with long flowing red hair and green eyes, with charisma to knock anyone off their horse. Yes I am playing two characters because my roommate is funny and gave us both another character to play as well. (at least my other character has dreads).

Sunday was spent with the kids, and last night I took the bus to the place closest to their school and picked them up, walked them home to my father’s house and made spaghetti and meatballs. Yes, I cooked. My father tried to start a philosophical conversation with me but I was too tired. When he drove me home, he came in and took several pieces of my artwork to show a friend of his that is into the arts. ( I dont know much about this guy).

I have started signing my paintings or other various visual art projects Jab. When it is in script it looks pretty cool. I like that handle. It was waiting for me to discover it for a long time. Things come to you at the right time. Also, if I use Jab as my handle, I dont have to fuss over weather or not to use my married or maiden name. Yeah….

yawn

I better go read up on druids, and half-orks and things like that. I need to be able to have reflexes when it comes to spell casting. I am already at level two, and just gained two first level spells and I have to pick another 0 level spell…

OMG- I AM SUCH A GEEK.

Be good and Be good at it
Beth

GOOD MORNING

Everything went well yesterday. I am a little reserved to share something because that mightmean I have negetive feelings and no, that never happens to me.

MY FRIEND JENN lent me this book called “Like being Killed” by Ellen Miller, when I had lent her the divinci code. Now that things are setteling down a bot, I have had time to read it and I have gotten half way through. When I am left on my own, I can polish off two or three books a week, however it depends on who’s around. So far, I would reccommend the book (as long as you don’t mind drug terms and raunchy things)… BUT i think it is the kind of book that my sstep mom would like so I am going to ask Jenn if I can lend it to her. It’s just an all around good book.

Anyhow.

I am a little pissed off this morning. Definately not at anyone in particular. I LOVE not having to name who because I know and that is all that counts.

On the other side I talked to an old friend yesterday about something he has to do for a birthday party. I dont know if I really helped him make a plan or if he was just humoring me, either way I did the best I could in thinking of things to help. THAT is the important part.

anyhow… I am off to my day. I might have more to write about later depending on how this thing goes that I dont feel like talking about right now.

We’ll see if I end up being good at it.
I already know I am good.

Beth