Dear Diary,

I’ve been struggling recently.  Just when I start to get used to something, it seems like something else happens that knocks me for six.

I find out on the 6th June what my rapist will plead.  It was meant to be last week, but for some reason it was delayed.  I’m having to fill in forms to grant the police access to my medical records.  I know it’s for the best, but it also means that my rapist will have access to them.

Lynsey is still waiting for new lungs.  She’s just finished a new course of IVs.  She really needs new lungs.  She’s constanly exhausted and spends most of her days sleeping.  Her and Stu are going on holiday to Scotland, which I think will do her good.  She knows she probably won’t be able to leave the house they’re renting, but it will do her good to have a change of scenery.  They’ll be near the Isle of Skye, so the scenery will be stunning.

Nana is still hanging in there.  There’s been no change in her condition.  We just need to wait for the blooaround her brain to drain before the true extent of the damage is known.  Mum says that she’s glad that I can tell her things that the doctors haven’t told her.  I want to be a neuropsychologist, and will be working with the type of injury that Nana has, so I can explain to the rest of the family why certain things are happening, why she seems to be improving one day and the next day she doesn’t recognise anyone.

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday for my shoulder.  They think I may have rheumatoid arthritis.  I really hope I don’t.  I had blood taken and that’s been sent off for some tests, and I have another doctor’s appointment on Friday. What happens next depends on the blood test results.  In the meantime, I’m still on painkillers that aren’t doing anything, so am constantly in pain.  As such, I am constantly tired.

Yet I can’t seem to sleep.  When I do sleep I have nightmares – mostly about him.  So I’m always tired.  I will be glad when this year is over, it just seems like the hits keep coming.

V