Have been crying a lot today. I’ve made the decision to break up with him. I’ve written the letter which I will email him. Am not sending it yet – I called Jane and made an appointment to see her on Friday. Will take the letter with me, see what she thinks about it.
Am a bit of a mess. I know it’s my decision. I just didn’t expect it to hurt this much. I’m now second guessing myself. Am I doing the right thing? Deep down I know the answer is yes. He’s hurt me so much. We’re not right for each other.
But I was in love for him. I still care about him.
And I’m scared. I’m scared of being alone. Terrified. Part of me thinks I should just keep things how they are now – where I have him to fall back on, but I go out and have fun. But that’s not fair on either of us.
I’m just terrified and hurting quite a bit. And I don’t want to hurt him.
Why are relationships so messy? Why is it hurting this much? Maybe I should wait until after the exams. Oh God, I don’t know.