Dear Diary,

Amsterdam was great. Will write a different entry about that. Right now I have one thing on my mind. Q.

Made the first move towards breaking up with him. We’re now back in an open relationship. It’s not going to be long before we’re over. And that’s what I want. We’re not right for each other. He’s caused me so much grief and heartache. He’s selfish, immature, rude, lazy, unhygenic and never thinks he’s wrong.

But… he’s my first love. He was there for me at a time when I really needed someone. He helped me recover from bad depression. I still have depression, but I’m getting better. But I know he’s now holding me back, instead of helping. But I do care about him. I loved him at one point.

And it’s just hitting me. This is real. We’re going to be over soon. And it’s made me sad, really sad. I didn’t expect to feel like this.

Am just feeling really down about it. I know it’s the right thing to do, but it hurts like crazy.

V