Dear Diary,

I’m getting sick of having no internet at my uni house. Am at uni now – thank God for laptops! Am connected to the uni’s free internet. I could have used one of the computers at the library, but then I run the risk of someone finding my diary. It’s doubtful, but you never know. So it’s safer using my laptop. Have got my first lecture of this year in about 15 minutes.

I’ve made a pact with myself. Kind of like a resolution. Well, have made two resolutions. One is about my weight – more on that later – the other is about uni. I’ve decided that after every lecture and seminar I’m going to go to the library and use their numerous books and make notes about whatever it is that I’ve just learnt in the lecture or seminar. Then at the end of each week I’m going to write the notes up in to revision notes. I can do this.

Was watching the L-Word last night with Jeanett. We were both talking about how we want someone. She wants a guy, I don’t really care either way; guy or girl. Just someone! I don’t think Jeanett or Lotta know that I’m bi. It’s not exactly a secret, but it’s not something I make a point of mentioning either. Blah.

I just feel so lonely. I know all the corny sayings; you’ll find someone when you least expect it, stop searching and love will find you, you’re young – give it time etc. But those sayings only go so far! I’ve been single for… fucking hell, for 3 years now! That’s ridiculous! Am I seriously that disgusting that no one wants me?

No, I know someone that wants me. Stuart does. Would it be bad of me to get with him when I don’t feel about him as he does about me? Yes it would. Doesn’t stop me from considering it. I want to feel wanted and loved, and I know that’s selfish of me. So yes, I’m considering it, but I wouldn’t do it. He deserves better, and so do I. I just doubt I’ll ever find someone.

Am just so damn lonely!

Binge eating… That’s gotta stop. I know, deep down I know, that someone should love me despite of my body. But let’s face it. Why settle for the fat chick when you can have the thin chick? Fat is an insult. How many of us use the word ‘fat’ to hurt someone? When you’re angry at someone, maybe you call them a ‘fat bitch’ or ‘fat-ass’ or ‘fat girl’. Maybe not even when you’re angry, maybe just without thinking about it. But fat is an insult. Think about it, when you call someone ‘fat’ in an argument, you’re insulting them. I’m fat. Fat is an insult. Therefore I am an insult. Might as well go ‘you’re so Vicky’, after all, it’s the same thing.

So the binge eating has got to stop. I’m back at uni now, so no one is watching what I’m eating. I can eat as little as I like. I’m gonna have to do it slowly though. After all, if I just stop suddenly it won’t work, I’m going to have to wean myself off food slowly. I’m going to do it though. My birthday is in about 2 months. I want to look good for it. Say if I am to lose about 4kg a week. My birthday is about 8 weeks away. Therefore, IF I stick to the plan, I can lose 32kg by my birthday. I’ll still be big, but it’s a start. In the end I want to lose about 49 kg. I can do this. I will do this. Starting now. So at the end of each day I’m going to write down exactly what I’ve eaten and how many calories. And I’ll weigh myself every week. I can do this. Have done it before.

Welcome back old friend.

Had to force myself to get up this morning. Just wanted to stay in bed. Wasn’t tired or anything (even though I only managed to sleep about 4-5 hours, was tossing and turning all night), just did not have the energy.

I just have to work through my depression. Force myself like I’m doing. If I lose weight, study, go to all my lectures etc. I’ll be convincing everyone else that I’m fine. Who knows, I might even be able to convince myself.

Have a doctor’s appointment at 6pm tonight, so need to catch the train back to my parent’s house. Hopefully the doctor will be able to tell me what’s wrong with me, as I don’t really want to go to a gyne! Fingers crossed…

V

Dear Diary,

Am at my parent’s house at the minute. Fell asleep on the train ride over. Am so damn tired! Just been to the doctor’s. The scan (or ultrasound) showed nothing wrong with my right ovary but my left ovary suggests I might have PCOS. It was inconclusive though. So I have to go to a gynecologist. Great. So my doctor needs to write to the hospital to let them know I need an appointment with a specialised gyne and then the hospital will get in touch with me about an appointment.

Lisa’s been ill with a stomach bug over the weekend. Like she doesn’t have enough to deal with! And on top of that, her and Stuart weren’t able to sort out a deal with Steven’s cousin about the house, so they’re still looking for somewhere to live.

On the way back from uni I saw a Coletit sitting on the pavement. Tiny, beautiful little thing. It didn’t move as I got nearer to it though. I bent down beside it, about 10 cm away from it, and it didn’t move or do anything, just looked at me. It was so tiny and in the middle of a busy pavement, it was in dangerous of getting stepped on. I didn’t know what to do. I stood by it so people couldn’t stand on it, and called my Mum to get me the RSPCA’s number, she didn’t know it so had to call Dad. Mum suggested I pick it up and move it somewhere safe, but it looked young, so I didn’t want to do that in case it still relied on it’s parents for food – if a chick smells of human then the parents will abandon it. Finally, after 15 minutes, it seemed to come to it’s senses and flew away. Think it had flown in to a window and stunned itself.

Anyway, am staying at my parent’s tonight, then catching the train back to uni tomorrow to go to my classes.

Still don’t have my timetable. They’ve messed it up. They’ve given me the wrong timetable – for next year. So I need to sort that out… somehow. I’ve got my timetable for this week, just not for any other week. Hopefully that will get sorted soon!

V

Dear Diary,

You know that Eminem song (it might not have been originally his, but he’s done a cover of it) “As the world turns”? That’s how I’m feeling at the minute. “I don’t know why the world keeps turning, round and round, but I wish it would stop.” Even though I just want to stop everything and just forget about everything and just lie in bed, the world keeps turning, so I have to force myself to turn with it or be left behind forever. It does sound tempting to be left behind, but I have to think of my family.

Went to see the Lady Boys of Bangkok last night with Lisa. It was amazing! The show itself was hilarious, we were in stitches. Some of them you could tell were men dressed as women, but most of them really looked like women… They looked amazing! If I’d passed them on the street I would have assumed they were women. At one point one of them was being held upside down by another one, and her/his skirt fell down, she was wearing a thong, and seriously, s/he looked like a woman! I’d like to know where on earth they hide their balls and dick, cause seriously, if I hadn’t know better, I would have sworn that was a woman!

Was nice seeing Lisa. She’s looking a bit healthier, but is exhausted all the time. She’s finished IV’s now, so she can start to do things again, until the next chest infection hits, which they think will be in the next month or so. In the meantime she’s doing what she always does; living her life. Stuart’s cousin has just had a baby so is moving house. The way the market is at the minute, they can’t get their house sold. So instead they’re looking for people to rent it. So this weekend, Lisa, Stuart, Stuart’s cousin and the cousin’s wife are all going to have a sit down and see if they can work something out for Lisa and Stuart to rent the place. Fingers crossed that this can work out! It would be a dream for Lisa and Stuart. I so hope this works for them!

Lisa’s brother Mark isn’t doing so well. He’s lost 6kg in 7 days, and before that in 3 months he’s lost 10kg. He’s on IVs as well. He’s having bad reactions to the medicine as well, so has to have more medicine to counteract the side effects of the first medicine. He’s on about 7 different medicines, because each one brings with it a new side effect that needs another med to counteract it, which brings on a new side effect etc. So he’s not doing very well at all. He’s 19.

I’ve finally managed to find a place to do the makeover photoshoot for Lisa. I wanted it done in one place, but that’s proving extremely hard to find, so instead she’s getting a facial and her make-up done professionaly at a place in my village and then she’s getting her photograph taken down the road from the make-up place. I’ve seen some before and after pictures and they look fantastic. So I’ve paid for it, now a week before her birthday I need to get her to tell me when she’s got an afternoon free so I can book it (obviously, even though I’ve paid for it, I couldn’t book an actual date as I don’t know when she has free, and her birthday is 9th November, so she could be on IVs by then, whereas she’ll know a week before hand if she’s on IVs and when she’ll be free).

Dad got an email from Shereen… Remember her? The woman that he used to work with that has a huge crush on him. Yeh… Mum deleted it by mistake (or so she says!) but Dad found it and replied to it. Shereen talked about her life, work, holiday and children. She asked Dad about his life now, if he misses work, how I’m doing and if he maybe wants to meet up if he ever goes to Belgium…

Mum was pretty angry that Shereen didn’t even mention her. And at first she was angry at Dad’s reply as well cause he didn’t mention her, even though he mentioned me and Snoopy. She asked me what I thought, but I thought it was alright because he always says ‘we are doing this’ or ‘we went on holiday’. He never said ‘I’, he always said ‘we’. But Mum doesn’t want Dad staying in touch with her.

I forgot to mention that Graham sent me a text. “I’m so so sorry Vicky.. i was just going through some stuff and i was taking it out on you. Look i’m here for you whenever you need me cos God knows you’ve been there for me enough times you’re one of my best mates and it was wrong of me to dismiss our friendship like that! Please forgive me… XXX“

I didn’t know what to reply, so I sent Lisa a text saying something like ‘I don’t know what to say, on 1 side he really hurt me, at the other it seems a shame to throw away a friendship…’ Only I sent it to Graham by mistake. Oops. I sent another one saying that text wasn’t for him, then said that I don’t want to throw away our friendship, but at the same time what he said really hurt me and I need time and space to get over it. Haven’t heard from him since.

My timetable has once again been messed up. Have been on the phone to the uni to try and sort it out. But every time I call someone they keep giving me another number to call and they give me another number and so on… Frustrating! So at the minute, I have no time table. The problem is, I need to click on either ‘yes’ or ‘no’ when my list of modules comes up. If I click on yes, then I get through to my timetable, if I click on no then things need sorting out. They’ve left out a module, so I have to click on no. So in the meantime I have no idea what I’m doing…

Had another driving lesson today. Didn’t go so well! I drove on the wrong side of the road, stalled, almost hit a tree and drove over the curb. Was just one of those days. My driving instructor laughed at me and said hopefully next time will be better. Yeh let’s hope.

Snoopy hasn’t been so well at the minute. She’s pretty stressed out by everything that’s going on (we’re having more work done on the house – we’re having a fire place put in). So she’s being sick a lot from the stress. Poor baby. She’s on tablets to try and calm her down, the vet says to just keep an eye on her.

Mum’s doing okay. Her breast is very sore and she can’t do much (lift up your arm… your breast moves, bend down to pick something up, your breast moves). Everytime her breast moves or even just putting on clothes that touches the wound, she’s in pain. It’s gone a horrible yellow/purple colour. Hopefully soon it will become less painful. Then next Thursday she gets the results. Fingers crossed…

I’m okay. Not really ready for uni to start, but don’t have a choice. I’m going to work my damned hardest, even though I just want to curl up in a ball and forget about everything. I’m going to do really well and force myself. I just want to get this over with. I’ve already started studying a bit, just reading around the different subjects. I’m going to ask Lotta for some advice as well, as she frequently gets a first in her essays and reports.

Think I made a friend for life today! One of our next door neighbours has a beautiful cocker spaniel called Buzz. He’s so sweet. He loves everyone. He’s only about a year old, just a baby. When I was out in town (after my driving lesson) I bought a treat for him. Asked Lorraine, his owner, if I could give it to him, she was fine with it, and gave it to him. He was all round me after that! It was a big chew treat, and he was just walking around with it in his mouth, showing everyone. Bless, he’s so sweet.

I’m feeling a bit shit at the minute. It’s that time of the month. Very heavy as well. It’s like, for 7 months I had nothing, and now it seems to be making up for lost time. Bleugh. And my lip piercing has an infection… it’s gone all red and crusty (yuck!) and hurts. Have been washing it with salt water and using non-alcoholic mouth wash several times a day. Hopefully that will fix it. In the meantime it looks disgusting and I’m photoshopping all pictures of me… So yeh, am feeling a bit shit!

V

Dear Diary,

I’ve just been to the hairdresser’s. Wow… I’m… it’s not what I was planning on. It doesn’t look bad, but it’s not what I was planning on. I wanted a colour and shaping. I got the colour and shaping, I’m also missing 1/4 of my hair! It’s a lot shorter… It’s still long, but now it’s normal length long, whereas previously it was super long. I miss the length of it! It does look nice though. It’s dark purple. I do like it. It’s just a bit of a shock. I’m sure I’ll get used to. I just miss it a bit…

Had another driving lesson today. He says I’m doing good. We’ll see.

I looked in to a mirror today. I normally go out of my way to avoid mirrors. So I looked in on today, at the hairdresser’s. I look awful. My face is pale. I have dark bags under my eyes. I look like I’m in my middle 30′s. Which isn’t a bad thing. But it is when you’re only 20. I seriously look like shit.

I’m going back to my house at uni tomorrow. I’ve got an introduction lecture at 1pm. Hopefully I’ll get my timetable as well. Then I’m meeting Lisa in the city at 4pm. We’re going for a late lunch/early dinner, then we’re going to a show – the Lady Boys of Bangkok. It should be fun. And Lisa sent me a text saying she’s got good news – nothing major, but still good news. Am intrigued now!

Then after the show I’m going back to my parent’s because I have a 9am driving lesson on friday. Then I’m going back to uni.

I’m having trouble finding a good place for the makeover photoshoot. Don’t suppose anyone knows of a good place in the North East of England?? My hairdresser gave me two names, but I can’t seem to find them online!

V

Dear Diary,

I’m staying at my parent’s house until Thursday. In the end the decision was made for me – not that I mind! I was only at my uni house for not even 2 days and already I was miserable (even more than normal). I know students are slobs… I’m one of them. The thing is, I’m messy, but not dirty. And there’s a big difference. I don’t do mould or dust or mud or dirty plates. Now clothes, shoes, handbags and make-up lying around… I’m messy, not dirty.

Not to mention there’s nothing to do there. And as everyone knows, a depressed person needs to do something or they’ll just spiral in to that dark place. At uni there’s nothing to do. Not that there’s anything to do at my parent’s place, not really. But I can have driving lessons, use the internet, *try* and eat properly, spend time with Snoopy… At the house at uni all I can do is window shopping and going out clubbing in the evening. Not exactly great.

I’m just… I know I don’t want to be at uni. I do eventually, but not right now. I’m not ready. I’m still struggling with my depression, a lot. Sometimes I get up out of bed, brush my teeth go to have a shower, but just can’t… I just can’t do anything, so I just lie on the bathroom floor. Yeh, it sounds funny, but it’s not. I’m desperatly unhappy, lying on the bathroom floor, not even having the strength to cry, just lying there with no idea of the time. How am I meant to focus on uni?

But I’m going to try. I’m going to do my damn best. I just don’t think my best, at the minute, is good enough. But I have to do this, I can’t dissapoint or worry my parents any more than I already have. So I’m going to try, even if I’m miserable while doing it.

Anyway. Seem to have gone off on a tangent there. The decision to stay at my parent’s was taken out of my hands – need the internet to check when my timetable comes online, and my Mum made a doctor’s appointment for me on tuesday (to get the last of the cervical cancer injections). Tuesday was the only available day they had left. So yep, am staying here. And don’t mind one bit!

Had my scan today. I’ll get the results back in a week. It’s getting to the point where I just want some answers. Why are my periods irregular? Why do I sometimes have pain in my lower abdomen? Something isn’t right, and I just want answers!

On Thursday I’m going to the city to meet Lisa, we’re going for a late lunch/early dinner, then to a show ‘Ladyboys of Bangkok’. Should be a laugh.

V

Dear Diary,

I’m back at my parent’s house… Just for a couple of days.

Things at the house are… not ideal. Only bloody been there for a couple of days and already I was craving home. Hope this isn’t what it’s going to be like for the rest of the year.

I’m hoping that in 2 weeks everything will be fixed.

So, the problems that the landlord needs to fix:

* No internet.
* Only 1 working toilet.
* Only 1 shower.
* The working shower makes a horrible screeching noise when you use it.
* The doors to our rooms don’t lock.
* There’s damp in the house.

The thing is, the estate agent that we rented the house with has gone bankrupt, so all of their properties are being transferred to another estate agent, and they say that they’re not responsible for our house until the 1st of October, and we can’t get hold of the landlord, so until then there’s nothing we can do.

Problems that are nothing to do with the landlord:

* The boys are slobs.
* They’ve used my stuff and not washed it, so there’s mould growing on my pans.
* There’s slight tensions between the boys, because Greg is in an arguement with one of Ken’s good friends, Pip. Greg and Pip work together. From what I can gather the arguement is stupid and so highschool.
* The bathroom is disgusting.

Other than that, everything is great…

I’ve already talked to Greg about the dishes, and he does have a good excuse – he’s the president of the student union, and is rushed off his feet because of fresher’s week (which actually runs for 2 weeks). He hardly has time to shower, let alone tidy up. He doesn’t make his own food either because he’s so busy – Ken makes it for him. And he is busy – he leaves the house at 8am every day and gets back in at 3am. But Ken has no excuse, he’s just lazy.

So we’re gonna set up a house meeting in two week’s time to talk about ground rules. So hopefully in 2 weeks, things should get sorted. Until then, things suck.

What is funny though, remember the messy guy, Chris, that I lived with in the halls in the first year? He was a really nice guy, but made such a mess in the kitchen and wouldn’t clean up. Remember him? You’ll never guess what – him and Jeanett have been on a couple of dates and she thinks they might become serious. Small world! He has a nice guy, and when he moved out we got on great, cause I didn’t have to live with his mess.

So I’m at home at the minute, I told my housemates that it’s because I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow (which is true) so it made sense to spend the night at my parent’s. Obviously that’s not the whole truth, but never mind. I’m debating whether to stay here for longer. I have to be back here on Wednesday because I have a driving lesson. It seems kind of pointless to pay 5 pounds for public transport back to the house at uni, then 5 pounds to come back here on Wednesday. True, that’s only 10 pounds, but still, it is a lot of money! So I might stay here till Wednesday, haven’t decided yet.

Either way, it’s nice to see Snoopy.

And things aren’t all bad, I mean we went out clubbing on Friday, which was fun, we had a nice time. And last night it was just us girls in and we watched DVD’s, which was nice. So things aren’t all bad.

Talking of clubbing. While we were out we bumped in to one of Lotta’s friends, I recognised him from our course but had never spoken to him before. So they started talking a bit, he asked her how things in Finland were (where she’s from) and she asked him how things in Germany were (where he’s from). Then he turned to me and gave me his hands to shake.

Now, this guy is very cute. And it was very late (or rather, very early in the morning), I was tired, and did I mention he was cute? So. Normally when someone shakes your hand, you introduce yourself, say your name right?

So what do you think I said, you know, being all cool and everything?

“Belgium”.

Bloody Belgium! I mean, what the hell?! It just sort of came out… I meant to say my name, but instead I said my country. Smooth, real smooth. He looked at me like I was a weirdo. Which I am. What kind of idiot, when introducing themselves to someone says “Belgium” instead of their name?

And did I mention he was cute?

So yes, I felt like a right blustering idiot.

Oh well.

And I’ve also decided I’m going to lose weight. Yeh, nothing new there. We all know my weight and fat and self-esteem (or lack of) controls almost everything in my life. So I’m not going to buy any food, apart from fruit and vegetables. My parents have given me some food to take with me at the house – some low fat crisps, some low fat waifers, a bag of spaghetti and some low fat cheese. I’m going to try and make those last the term. It shouldn’t be too hard, if I buy a lot of fruit and veg and basically just live off of that. And just think of all the money I’ll save… More to put towards my holiday to South Africa! But of course I’ll have to eat when I visit my parents. But I reckon it’s do-able.

Aint life grand?

V

Dear Diary,

Mum’s on her way to the hospital in the city for the biopsy. She’s nervous. This one will be more painful than the last one – and the last one was pretty bad, left Mum with a massive bruise on her breast and she couldn’t move her arm cause it would pull at the wound.

This time it’s a machine that does it, it will have a little needle at the end of it and keep darting in and out, in and out, in and out, several times per second. They want to get the pieces of calcium, so the needle was to keep darting in and out until it manages to get some. So it’s gonna hurt (obviously she’s gonna have a general anaesthetic, so at the time it won’t hurt, but it will afterwards.

Snoopy had her appointment at the vet’s today as well. Great news! Her heart is in excellent condition!! Yay! We can start to cute one of her meds down. Am so pleased that she’s alright. She’s a bit groggy at the minute though, cause they gave her a sedative so she could have a scan. She’s kind of spaced out and can’t walk properly – she keeps falling and is very unsteady on her feet, bless her.

Went driving in my new car with Dad as well. Stress! I stalled a couple of times – on a roundabout! Started to panic a bit. But all in all I think it was alright.

I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in an hour. Not looking forward to walking there – it’s uphill. Will be good exercise though.

Have definitly decided that I’m going to give Lisa the makeover and photoshoot for her birthday. Now I just need to find a reputable place that does it. Have no idea where to start looking! I googled it, and loads of different places came up – I’ve never heard of any of them, how on earth am I meant to know if they’re decent places? Don’t suppose anyone knows of any place that does an excellent makeover and photoshoot?

So, I’m moving in to my house at uni tomorrow. Am looking forward to seeing my friends, but actually starting uni…? I’m dreading it. But I figure, if I can just force myself to do things, then that will be fine. I can force myself to study, to do work, to go to the library etc. I know I can force myself. It doesn’t matter that I’m miserable while doing it, I just need to force myself. I can pretend to be happy, can go through the motions. After all, what is happiness anyway? I know I can do this.

V

Dear Diary,

One of my neighbours had a miscarraige. She was 4 months pregnant and had to go to hospital to give birth to her baby, stillborn. She is, of course, devastated. The baby wasn’t planned, but it was a welcome surprise. And now this… Her whole family is devastated. Please pray for them.

I went in to the city to see Lisa today. Well, first I had a driving lesson, then Mum and me went in to the city to do some shopping, then I met up with Lisa.

Mum wanted to get a nice cocktail dress for a party she’s going to in early October, but she couldn’t find anything. I was only looking for some costume stuff (for fancy dress parties at uni, the first two are a Commando party and a Hawaii party. I got some stuff for that. I also saw a really nice top, it’s like a ruffled blue & white stripey shirt, so I got that. Have been looking for a nice blue top for ages. It also went with the make up and jewlerry I was wearing much better than the other tshirt I had on, so I changed straight in to the new shirt after I bought it!

Then I went to meet Lisa. We had lunch and just chatted. I told her what’s been going on with me, and she told me about what’s been going on with her. My problems pale in comparison to hers…

We were also talking about our birthdays. Hers is 2 1/2 weeks before mine. I’ve been thinking about what to get her as a present, as she’s really not in to material things. So, I’ve been thinking about getting her a makover and photoshoot instead. She’s always said she’d love to be photographed by a proffesional. So I thought that maybe she’d like that – get her make up done proffesionally and then photographed professionaly. What do you guys reckon? I know it’s not what a birthday present is meant to be, i.e. not actually something you can hold, but I thought it might be a nice idea… Would love to know what you guys think, cause if it sucks then I’ll try and think of something else!

Mum’s got her biopsy on thursday. Fingers crossed. Snoopy has her scan on thursday as well. I thought it was tomorrow, but it’s thursday. And then friday I’m off to uni…

Oh, and all those issues with finally changing the ‘interested in’ section of facebook to ‘women & men’? Facebook has changed it’s layout (which, by the way, I hate) and it doesn’t include the ‘interested in’ section! So all that hoohah about it was for nothing!

Still no news on the lipreading and sign language front… It’s really getting on my nerves. What the hell do I have to do to learn them?! Only a few places teach them. Last year I went to the Deaf Center in my city, but not enough people were interested in learning BSL, so they cancelled the course and they refused to do 1-on-1… The teacher that was meant to teach me lipreading never got back to me, the organisation she worked with said she lost interest in teaching people. Great. Urgh! Frustrating. Then the deaf center is running another course, but it starts on thursday evening – I can’t make that, cause I’ll be with my Mum after her biopsy. And the week after I can’t make it cause I have to be at home to give Snoopy her meds cause my parents will be away. Grrr!

So I’m hoping the deaf center will run another BSL course in January. My Mum said she’d like to go with me, as it will be a good thing. And if I do end up going completely deaf (40-60 chance), then at least we’ll both still be able to communicate. Now I just need to find a lipreading teacher…

V

Dear Diary,

I have my car!! My very own car!! He’s gorgeous!! I drove him home from the garage, and he drives great. I’m in love with him! He’s called Paulie. Lol. Was excited this morning, going to pick him up. Am thrilled.

Am feeling a bit better today. Today’s a good day. I’m not exactly feeling great, and I would never say that I’m feeling ‘happy’, but it’s not as dark right now. I can see a bit. So today is a good day.

Have been to the doctor’s to get my blood test results back. Everything was normal. Everything. There’s no problem with my kidneys, liver, I’m not in the slightest bit diabetic, my testosterone and estrogen level is fine, everything is in the normal, healthy range. Which is fantastic news, of course it is. Because my doc in Belgium said I had liver damage and that my testosterone level was too high which was why my reproductive system was kind of messed up. So it’s great news that everything is normal.

However… that begs the question – what’s wrong with me. Why do I go for 7 months without a period, then have one that lasts for a month? So I’ve got to go for a scan at the hospital. The hospital will call me up to let me know when my appointment is. The doc suspects I might have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). Some of the most common symptoms are:

Oligomenorrhea, amenorrhea — irregular, few, or absent menstrual periods.
Infertility, generally resulting from chronic anovulation (lack of ovulation).
Hirsutism — excessive and increased body hair, typically in a male pattern affecting face, chest and legs.
Hair loss appearing as thinning hair on the top of the head
Acne, oily skin, seborrhea.
Obesity: one in two women with PCOS are obese.
Depression.

I have five of those symptoms.

So the scan will tell me what’s going on. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll need to go to the gyno. Let’s hope the scan will tell me, as I really don’t fancy sitting with my legs up while some doctor has his/her face up my… well, you get the picture!

I also talked to her about my depression. So she’s given me a perscription for another 10mg, so now I’m on 30mg a day, instead of 20mg. I hope this works… If it doesn’t work I need to go back in a month when my perscription runs out and then maybe think about going on a different med.

I’m going to meet Lotta at the airport tonight. I need to give her her house keys (the estate agent gave me Lotta & Jeanett’s keys). Wish I could go back to the house with her, but I’m not going there till Friday. I’m not looking forward to uni, not looking forward to it at all, but I am looking forward to seeing my friends. Also think it will be good for me to do something, anything.

So I’m not going back till Friday, cause tomorrow I’ve got a driving lesson and am going shopping in town with my Mum and then meeting up for lunch and movies with Lisa. On Wednesday Snoopy has a scan, just to check everything with her lungs and heart is okay. And on Thursday Mum has another biopsy, to check whether the bits of calcium in the mass is cancerous or not (please pray they’re not!). I’ve also got another doctor’s appointment to check my asthma. All fun and games…

V