Went to Tom’s last night, was great fun. Got to his house around 4pm, we just chatted and watched movies, then at 9pm Victoria & Emma came round as well. At 11pm we went out clubbing to a gay club. Was great fun, great atmosphere, as always. We had a great laugh. Tom was upset he didn’t pull though. Victoria was slightly tired, but she said she still had a good time. I was feeling generally insecure, but it was alright.
We left at just after 3am, dropped the others off home & I spent the night at Tom’s. Woke up at about 1pm today. We just chilled at his place for a while, then went to the movies. Saw ‘Because I Said So’. It’s hilarious!! I loved it. Not sure if you guys have seen it or not – but the Mum in that is so similar to my Mum, though luckily my Mum isn’t that bad.
Tom and me had a little discussion about it. He said he wouldn’t mind if his Mum was like that (always in his business, criticising etc) because he’d do it right back, he said he’d find it funny. I disagreed, and said he wouldn’t find it funny, and I’m talking from experience. But hey, we soon changed subject.
Then at 7.30pm we went to Emma’s, where the whole Corner Bunch (bar Helena & Chiara) were meeting up. We’re known as the Corner Bunch, because in the common room, we hijacked sofas and chairs and took over a corner of the common room, lol. In highschool the Corner Bunch consisted of – Tom, me, Linda, Kylie, Victoria, Emma, Helena, Issy, Chiara and by default Dan because he’s Chaira’s boyfriend. However, the rest of the gang have kind of kicked Chiara, and hence Dan, out of the group and bitch about her. Chiara kind of dropped all of us when she went to Oxford, but she still keeps in touch with me, so I try and defend her. She’s kind of a sore subject in the group, and they now don’t bitch about her – at least not in front of me.
Anyway. We all had a really good time. We played ‘I’ve never’, which was hilarious. Don’t know if you know it or not, it’s a drinking game, a person says ‘I’ve never… kissed a boy’ (normally it’s more raunchy than that, but it’s just an example, it can be anything under the sun) and if you have done whatever the person says, you take a sip from your drink. It’s pretty funny.
And then… we were talking and saying how there shouldn’t be any secrets between us, and how things are slightly different now that we’re all at uni, but it shouldn’t affect our friendship greatly etc.
I felt bad that they didn’t know that I was bisexual (apart from Tom). So I took Issy aside, since I’m the closest to her, and Tom helped me come out to her. Well, he came out for me, basically. I got too scared to say it, so he said it to her.
Then about 10 miutes later, I came out to the whole group. Was so scared! Don’t know what I was expecting, guess I was scared that they’d resent me or wouldn’t feel comfortable around me (for some reason, a lot of straight girls always think that a lesbian or bi woman will fancy her, stupid huh?). But everyone was SO nice about it.
They were just like ‘that’s cool’. Then when they asked why it took me so long to tell them, I told them I was scared. Then they all came and hugged me and said it doesn’t change a thing, and that they’re sorry I felt I couldn’t tell them sooner.
I just feel so… relieved. I love my friends! I don’t know why I thought they’d take it badly. I mean, especially since Tom is openly gay, lol! But am very relieved and happy .
A big reason why I didn’t want to tell people is because the second person I told (the first being Tom) was a friend of my Mum’s (she’s also a really good friend of mine, she’s like my big sister) said I shouldn’t tell my parents unless I was in a serious relationship with a girl, as I would upset them. Lisa also said I shouldn’t tell people, as it’s none of their business etc.
But it always felt wrong to me. Like I was hiding who I am, you know? And yeh, it’s not anyone’s business what sexuality I am, but I shouldn’t feel embarassed or ashamed about it. Kimberly (my Mum’s friend) kind of made me feel like it was something I should change and hide and be ashamed about it. But I just figured, no I’m not ashamed, it’s not wrong, it’s just part of who I am.
I mean sure, my sexuality doesn’t define me, but it’s part of who I am. I’m a woman. I believe in God. I’m bisexual. I’m a pyschology student. I’m a vegetarian. I’m a daughter. Those type of things. None of them define who I am, but they’re all part of me. They all make up who I am, and it just felt wrong to withold one of those things, felt wrong that people didn’t know all of the real me, you know?
Now I just need to tell my parents. Then my extended family. Oh boy.
But I just feel like there’s this huge weight off my shoulders. It’s great!!