Dear Diary,

My arm is killing me! How on earth did I manage to tear my muscle??

Have called Waterstone’s in Brussel to ask if they have the rest of the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon. They said they don’t at the minute, but they just ordered it 3 days ago. They’ll call us as soon as they have them in stock.

Have you guys heard about the new reality TV show in the Netherlands? A terminaly ill women gets to decide out of three people with kidney problems who gets her kidney. How awful is that?

V

Dear Diary,

Didn’t go to the doctor’s yesterday, went today though. Was in agony yesterday, took a bunch of painkillers and went to sleep.

Went to the doctors this morning. There was a guy in the waiting room that gave me the creeps. I just did not feel comfortable with him at all. I trust my gut. The last time I ignored my gut I ended up being sexually assaulted, so I always trust my gut. That guy just reall made me feel uncomfortable.

Anyway. Doc says I’ve torn my muscle. No idea how the hell I’ve managed that, but there you go. It really is agony. He says it should improve slightly over the next couple of days, but won’t heal fully for about 2-3 weeks. Until then, he’s given me some strong painkillers.

That sucks. I’m meant to be going to a party on Saturday – it’s Mele’s 20th birthday, it’s a surprise party for her. Really want to go. Guess I’ll have to see on friday how it is. I really want to go, but don’t want to make it worse. So we’ll see.

Shouldn’t really be typing, but hey. Also, it’s my right arm. I do everything with my right arm. Won’t be able to make myself sick without further injuring myself. Hmmm.

Also had my hearing tested. It has indeed gotten worse over the past year. It’s not at that stage yet that I need a hearing aid or an operation or am hearing impaired, but for someone of my age it’s not good. Aparantly a normal person hears between 5-8 decibles. Hearing impaired is 30 decibles. Mine’s 17 decibles. Last year it was 11 decibles. So it’s decreasing at a noteable rate.

So for now nothing can be done. Have to go back next year to see if it’s decreased again. He thinks my ears are becoming calcified. Nice. Oh well, could have been worse!

Bought some birthday presents for Lisa. It’s her 21st birthday in November. Ages away, but I like to plan and be prepared. Am going to buy her 21 gifts. Some silly/small things. Some nice things.

Anyway, better go and rest my shoulder!

V

Dear Diary,

I’ve done something to my shoulder, it kills. Woke up last night with it hurting, I moved it and heard a loud ‘click’. Stopped hurting for a little bit, but then it started hurting again. It’s really uncomfortable. When I move it up on down you can hear this loud grinding noise. If it’s still like this tomorrow, will go to the doctor’s in the morning.

Have joined another dating site. Yeh, yeh, I know. But I’m desperate.

Dad and me are busy tracing our ancestors – it’s good fun, but a lot of work involved. It’s really interesting.

Have my hearing appointment tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Saw ‘The Last King of Scotland’ and ‘Dejavu’. Both good movies. Though got slightly confused with Dejavu. Good movies though.

V

Dear Diary,

I’m in agony. My shoulder is killing me. It hurts so much. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to go to the ER. The pain is crippeling. But at the same time, I had a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning, so it makes sense to wait.

But fuck this hurts. It’s reduced me to tears.

It’s so painful.

V

Dear Diary,

Dad and me have decided to trace our family history & tree. Dad started it a while back, but then stopped. But now I’m interested in it, so we’re gonna do it together. At the minute we’re focusing on Dad’s Dad (my Grandad’s) side of the tree, then when we’ve gone as far back as we can with that, we’ll start on his Mum’s side of the tree.

After doing some rooting, I think I’ve found something. It looks like his Great-Grandmother was an Elliot. If it’s the Elliot I’m thinking about… Now that would be awesome.

Not sure if you guys know anything about Scottish history or not. But before Clans (If you don’t know what clans are, let me know and I’ll explain in my next entry) were outlawed, there were several infamous clans. Especially the Border Reiver clans. It looks like some of Dad’s ancestors, my ancestors, were part of the notorious Elliot clan, one of the Border Reiver clans.

Amazing. More digging and research is required before we can say for definite that it’s the same clan, but all the places add up. Very exciting! Okay, maybe not for you guys, but for me it is.

Hay fever is really affecting me at the minute. Urgh. I like this time of year cause the weather is great and people are more happy, but I suffer from really bad hay fever and allergies, so that sucks.

Walked in on Dad looking at porn. Embarrasing. He didn’t see me though, which would have been even more embarrassing. I’ve known for a few years now that he looks at porn. Nothing wrong with that, sure plenty of people do. Don’t have an issue with it. It’s just… he’s my Dad! Don’t want to think of him having any sort of sex life. I know he does, but doesn’t mean I want to be confronted by it!!

My hearing appointment is on tuesday in the afternoon. Before I went to England, I went to the doctor’s. He said it’s definitly not a build up of wax. So he made the specialist appointment. Would like to know what’s wrong with me.

V

Dear Diary,

Choosing the right diet pill is hard.

Duramine has great results. The side effects aren’t so good, the main one being increased heart rate. Basically Duramine is the legal version of speed. Bad side effects, but great weight loss results.

Ephedrasil Hardcore seems to be alright. Not as good results as Duramine, but not as bad side effects either. The only thing it says is not to take if you’re asthmatic. I’ve got asthma, take 3 different kinds of inhalers. The way I figure, that means the side effects for me will be around the same as Duramine, so might as well take that and get the best results.

Eroved just seems to be crap all around.

So I guess I’m going for Duramine. Just need to find a reputable place (or as reputable as can be!) to order it from. And need to make sure I’m at home when it’s delivered, so my parents don’t find out. Or I could wait a month and have it sent to my place in England. Plus need to get some money into my account.

Have been reading this awesome book. It’s part of a trilogy. Have just finished it and loved it, want to read the 2nd & 3rd one now! It’s called Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon. Love it. Couldn’t put it down!

Am going through some recipe books to find a nice cake recipe for Lisa’s 21st birthday. It’s not for another couple of months, but I won’t be able to try them out and surprise her, so have to do it now.

21 is the big one. So want it to be good for her, as her last birthday sucked. Not for a while yet though.

Am planning a Murder Mystery party for July. The one thing that annoys me about my friends is that it takes them weeks to reply! Very annoying.

Have an hearing appointment sometime next week, will have to check what day. My hearing has been bothering me for some time now. Last time I had my hearing tested I was on the borderline – not techincally deaf, but if it got any worse I would be.

I think it’s gotten worse, am often having to ask people to repeat what they say and often have to read their lips. It’s getting pretty bad. Went to the doctors and he couldn’t see anything wrong, at first he thought maybe it was a build-up of wax, but it’s not that. He did notice a lot of scarring. Will have to wait and see what the hearing doctor says.

V

Dear Diary,

It’s been one of those days. Fat days. Where nothing fits. Where you look in the mirror and see a whale. Just one of those days. Add to that that I’m ill. Just a really crap day.

Have been reading online. Am very seriously considering ordering some diet pills online. Actually, am no longer considering. Am definitly ordering some, just need to find the ones that work the best.

Had some salad for lunch. Feel bloated.

Sick of being fat.

Am ordering these pills. Just need to find the right ones. So far Duramine, Ephedrasil Hardcore and Eroved are the ones that look like the best ones.

Just need to read up more about each one and find out all the side effects and then choose the one that makes you lose weight with the least side effects.

I’m sick of making myself sick after every other meal (just because I don’t write about it in here, doesn’t mean I’m not doing it) and restricting what I eat.

I’m getting diet pills. Just need to decide which ones.

V

Dear Diary,

Snoopy’s been following me around everywhere, bless her. It’s like she doesn’t want me out of her sight in case I go away again.

Mum and me are kind of at each other’s throats at the minute. Think the stress of the last 2 1/2 weeks has finally caught up with us. Plus it’s almost that time of the month for both of us. Guess there’s just a couple of things we need to get out of our system!

No word from Jurgen. Guess he’s just not interested, which sucks. But at least I know, so I can move on.

Went round to Izzy’s today. Tom was there as well, we just chatted. Was fun. Later learned from Tom that Izzy had wanted to tell me about her pregnancy but couldn’t work up the nerve. Poor girl, she must be scared.

Afterwards, Tom and me went to the movies. We saw ‘Messengers’. Damn, that’s scary! Spent half of the movie with my eyes shut! I get so scared with horror movies, but at the same time I love them. But this one was really scary. Tom was laughing at me, lol.

Am talking to Johnny on MSN at the minute. I forgot to mention this in the last entry. But when I was at the prom, I found myself wishing he was with me. Very strange. Didn’t realise I felt that way about him, but I guess I do.

You remember Johnny? He’s the guy that I took dance lessons with. Hadn’t realised I liked him. Hmmm. No idea what to do. It’s very doubtful that he likes me, so I guess, as always, nothing will happen.

Will post a pic of him in a friend-only entry.

V