Tuesday:

Well, the big summer holiday is officially over. Since my week back home I have not ventured anywhere. In fact the rest of the school holiday was more like a working holiday. I spent all my spare time doing photo-shoots for male models and editing them. Tiring but enjoyable work.

I actually wanted to go back to the States, like last year, but I decided to stay home and pay off my bills instead. I should have had a weekend away with MJ, but when the time came she cancelled, which was no surprise. That is one problem with MJ, it’s all about her. She won’t put herself out for you, but she expects everyone else to do what she wants. When we were at Bristol Pride (Aug 21st) a friend asked MJ about doing something and MJ wasn’t interested. But the next minute MJ was asking her friend to do something MJ wanted. The friend turned to MJ and said how selfish MJ was because she won’t put herself out to do something her friends want. I just thought ‘how true.’

Another example is something I always think about. I love country music and line dancing. I don’t go to any country places as none of my friends want to go, since they think it is for old women and not cool. But once a year they have a week long nationwide country festival down where I live with lots of UK cowboys. Despite it only being once a year my friends won’t even indulge me with my fantasy. MJ certainly won’t put herself for her supposed best friend not even once a year. (I have to admit my new friend Lady Lova went to a country night with me in July, so that proved how thoughtful she was as no one else will go).

Another friend that I feel is on the way out is Graham. Graham and I used to be really close, but over the past year his attitude has got terrible. Anything I do he rips to bits. For example the movie I made last year in the USA I was so proud of and what a great opportunity. But Graham can’t be happy for you and all he said was ‘it won’t do any good.’ His partner told me he is only jealous as he has never done anything like that. I have realised he isn’t a true friend if he can’t be happy for you.

I even try not to see Graham as much these days because most times I go visit him I leave angry after yet another put down. I had two major incidents just over this holiday where enough was enough.

First of all Graham said he would organise a birthday meal for me when I got back to town. I didn’t really want him to as he ruined my birthday two years ago, so I never really pushed it. When I got back from my visit home Graham said he had organised a birthday meal, so I went ahead with it. The six people invited were Graham’s friends, even though I knew them. Graham never asked me who I wanted there. Anyway, I invited my new lodger, Dr. Ant, to come along.

The evening started off well, but soon Graham was back to his trick of trying to show me up in front of others. Someone asked if it was my birthday that day, I told them it was my official birthday. (I have actually got two birthdays, a real one and an official one since my birth certificate is three days later than my actual birth date). Straight away Graham started off, “No one has two birthdays.” He then went on with “I don’t know what we’re doing here anyway as it’s not really your birthday anyway.” (Now you can see why I didn’t want him to organise anything). I held my tongue until Graham went on gloatingly with “Aren’t you glad I organised something for you?”

I snapped back with “No. You ruined my birthday two years ago and now you’re ruining this one!” After that I just couldn’t bring myself to talk to him. I actually would have told him to shove it and walk out, but as Dr. Ant was there I did not want to leave him on his own. (As usual it was all about Graham trying to put me down to get some cheap laughs. Even Dr. Ant mentioned later how he thought it was odd that it was my birthday meal and I was sitting at the end of the table while Graham sat in the middle. That says it all really).

I didn’t see Graham for a couple of weeks after that until I had calmed down. I popped round for a coffee, which was another mistake. I was supposed to be doing a photo shoot for his partner on the following weekend and I took round some of the latest art pictures I had worked on.
When Graham saw them he just said, “I don’t see what’s so good about them. They just look like some one’s snapshots.”
I always bite back, which I did with,”Oh so your holiday snaps look like portraits do they!”
“So what did you do push a couple of buttons on your computer? Anyone can do that.”
I had finally had enough and I slammed my laptop shut and said to Graham, “F**k off Graham.” Then turned to his partner as I stormed out “Get Graham to do your photos as they are only snapshots.” After that I didn’t care whether I saw Graham again or not.

So a wonderful summer, where I decided I needed to review my friendships and who was really a friend.