When I first started writing at DD Oh so many years ago . . . what a difference from being in my late thirties to now being fifty, eh? I just wrote and wrote from the heart because it seemed to me to be so anonymous. I could write without fear of anyone knowing me in my real life. Then it changed . . . the world continues to grow smaller and smaller as evidenced by Facebook. Now your boss, your ex mother-in-law, the kids . . . the nosy neighbor across the way or across the ocean . . . are all right here in our every day world either by invitation or by accident.

It is hard to just vent from the heart knowing anyone can read this. Not really trusting the ‘privacy’ settings so much on any site. Knowing the posts can be stumbled upon by those we care about the most who might also happen to be sharing the same computer.

So it’s stifled these days, that free flowing thought therapy.

What did I want to share? And with whom? I do miss the old site. I miss being able to sort my thoughts. I’ve been very happy lately and not alone but it’s been kind of a shipwreck of a week this past week. Land is in sight however. It’s a test of the staying power of the relationship I guess.

And so yes I want to share so much but where is everyone? Where is my DD family?

I know I have not been around enough to think that anyone would have stayed in touch here. Facebook is nice but it’s not the same as long talks over morning coffee which is what I used to feel like I had here.

Cynical. Yes, it is a statement of my sense of being today, the culmination of a week of feeling so completely ‘off’ after having felt so . . . close to being truly happy.

I am alone here tonight for the first time in a don’t know when. I am glad. I need the mental break of always being ‘on’. I’m going to enjoy being ‘off’ tonight.

Miss ya all. Add me to friends if you are here reading.

I’m at the library yet again. Thank God for libraries actually. It’s nice to be here. Nice to have a place to get away to. I’m never alone anymore. I don’t like to be alone too much. Once in awhile is nice though. Gather my thoughts.

I’ve had a good run over the past few months. I’m getting hired in where I work which brings a nice raise and very good benefits. It’s been fun and meaningful being in a good relationship.

I don’t know if it’s going to last much longer but man has it ever been good for me. I have always taken it a day at a time. We may just be eachother’s raft helping eachother cross the raging river, and it may be that the time will come when we have reached the other side that it will be time to lay aside the raft.

I know I am a stronger person that I was a year ago. Than I was six months ago.

For damn sure than I was six years ago. LOL

Hey seriously who wants to do the Irish Festival September 14? I seriously want to get a room and have some fun. There is an airport in Indy so no excuses from those of you far away. We need to get together and have some fun.

A freind gave me a computer recently. I just need to get online. Been a rocky road for a few months here but things are coming around. Yep I know story of my life but it is true.

Well gotta go. I’ll be online for a short time tomorrow from work when I go do my volunteer stuff at Unity.

Until then . . . stay cool!

Had a nice date with a great person who treated me like a lady, with respect. Went for a walk and got lost, had an adventure finding our way back. Went to a Turkish restaurant for lunch, and then out for a drink. Oh and started the whole day at Starbucks. None of that really mattered, just the walk would have been fine for me, but the company was very good.
It’s what it’s all about.

Job is going great. It’s a keeper. They like me.

Who knows where life will take me? I’m heading in the right direction again and I know it because of how good I feel.

I think you have to go to the Dashboard on your diary, then scroll down to DearDiary ‘friends’ then type in ‘Apolline’ and add me. I have added many of you, but you do not appear in the top list of people who can read my entries. I do not fully have the hang of this yet. Please try it if you want to read my entries. I added Wrenchman and Dancingbutterfly for instance but you are not in the list that can read me yet so you need to add me too. Let me know if this works (or I will see it in my Dashboard settings).

Hey I am going to post things here friends only because I don’t want them open to the whole world. Please add me as a friend. I’m still getting used to this new site so if you are having trouble doing that, please leave me a comment and I will try to add you.

I know I need some rest. I could just lie down here on the couch and I’d be out cold. But I have to keep going, I have a class tonight at the church. I’m really looking forward to it. I am looking forward to my pillow too.