I haven’t updated in forever it seems, and I think a couple of people still miss me and wonder where I am. I have no idea what I last wrote so I am cheating and using an email I just sent to some friends overseas.

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Well I haven’t seen Mark in about 2 months, and I have spoken to him in over a month. He seems to have found some peace and is doing yoga and meditation as well as working a LOT of hours in his new job as a gravedigger! (yep he decided he was sick of planting living things and thought he would try the opposite for a while – but he seems to be happy with his choice which is good).

Mark decided a few months ago to relinquish any interest in our house, leaving me to pay the mortgage on my own, which is tough, but I don’t blame him, he needs to move out of his mums bungalow and do something else, so I agreed. I guess that is why we have no real need to contact each other at the moment. I miss his friendship, but life moves on I guess. Still get sad sometimes, which is to be expected.

I did counselling for a while, and let my doctor put me on anti depressants for a while as well, but eventually I decided I didn’t get a lot from either of them, and they were costing me a lot of money each month, so I stopped and I have been okay recently.

Ash moved in with me and my bro last weekend, for practical reasons (such as my needing someone else to help with the mortgage payments) as well as for romantic reasons. We have had some major ups and downs, but mostly we are really happy and everyone seems to have come to terms with it finally, and for the most part, no one seems to mind. It’s been 8 months since this whole thing began, and it seems life is starting to gain some sort of order and normalcy, well as much as MY life ever can!

I found out last night that I have been offered another job, and am sitting here feeling nauseous over what to do. I have to talk to my boss soon about it, and I have to make a decision in the next couple of days… it is so daunting, I have been here for 5 years next month. I am terrified! I am not even sure if I want to leave, but my brain keeps telling me it is time… who knows. Will let you know what I decide!!

Hmm what else is news… my mum bought a house and it has been nothing but renovation talk for the last few months as she basically rebuilds from the ground up. She will be living on her own for the first time in her life, scary!
There is not an awful lot else to tell except I bought tickets to see Motley Crue in December *grins* and for the Jim Rose Circus in November. Looking forward to both.

I have been in Sydney on and off with work for the last few weeks, managing to put in 27 hours overtime (unpaid of course) over the course of a single week which sucks, but at least it has gotten people off my back about them not thinking I am pulling my weight. Apparently my boss thinks I am not quite up to my usual standard again yet either, maybe it is time to move on. The problem is I worked my ass off for the first couple of years when I hated going home to exbf, and whatever you start with, is what is expected, and now I have a life I wish to pursue outside of work, I have no time to do it because I have to keep working harder and harder to please everyone.

I have holidays booked, which if I decide to leave, will make up the last week of my working life here, which my boss said is okay if I decide to leave (I have just finished speaking to him about it). I think he has made up his mind that I am indeed leaving, and he is already making plans to replace me, he used to think I was irreplaceable, I have always known I am not, there are people far better suited to this job than me, and I don’t enjoy it anymore. I wish I could start this cafe thing now instead of going to another marketing job, but that is unrealistic.

Anyway it is home time and I have to go and do some school work *ugh*