Monthly Archives: March 2004

I need help

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I cannot decide what to do…

I have 2 choices:

1. Pay $700 in cash for my car to be fixed with second hand parts
2. Pay $450 to my insurance company to fix my car

Pros for number 1:
1. Quicker
2. I keep my rating 1 with my insurance company, and I get to keep it for LIFE come September, no matter how many claims I make

Cons for number 1:
1. I don’t really have $700
2. The parts won’t be as good as they will if I go through insurance

Pros for number 2:
1. Quality job
2. Cheaper in the short term

Cons for number 2:
1. My insurance premium will go by up to $200 a year up as I get dropped back to a rating 2
2. They take forever to do the repairs and usually make me drive half way across the city to collect my car

So what do I do?

I made up my mind that if C wanted her car fixed (the one I ran into), then I would go through insurance, but she doesn’t want to fix hers at all *sigh*. So that means I have to make a decision on my own, and I suck at that. Big time.




On another note, I am so angry at my work. My brother found out that the fucking useless employee of the year, who happens to be the little bosses favourite employee, is getting paid more than him, despite my brother being the supervisor. He called my big boss on it, and he said he would get it all fixed up, and bro was really pleased. Anyhow, it got raised with the little boss by my boss, and he said bro can get fucked basically, he is not fixing it. I am so bloody angry, but I can’t say anything, as just because it is my brother, doesn’t mean it is my business, although I would probably step in for any employee I liked if they were getting screwed like this.

*glares at the stupid ass short man with small dick syndrome*

I have been quiet I know

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See I make a couple of positive entries and the world has to smite me up the ass. Well rather my car has to go up the ass of someone else’s. FOrtunately it was the nicest person in the world I think, so she isn’t worried about her car, but mine is pricey to fix methinks. *sighs*

I still don’t know what happened, I thought I had turned the car off, and I hadn’t, I hadn’t even put it in park so it shot forward and collected the other car, when I tried to jump back in the car to hit the brake, I hit the accelerator which made things worse *sighs again*.

We cancelled the lounge suite we had on order, decided I just cannot afford it at the moment, my car needs to be fixed, and we need to save seriously. We are cutting our lives back to a minimum and going to save our asses off til we can afford a house. I have to stop dreaming about doing other things and be sensible, stop living life like there is no future to worry about!

Fortunately Harvey Norman didn’t put up much of a fight against canceling the order, how could they when they were running 6 weeks behind on the delivery schedule? Still, I am disappointed, we are going to be stuck on the crappy couch for a while yet :)

I got way too drunk on Saturday night, had a multitude of talks with people that I only barely remember, I hope I didn’t put my foot in it too often, I know Jess can’t remember anything we talked about either, but Na and H might!

Agh.

Julian Clary tonight, I am excited :)

Sevendust on Thursday night was just amazing, the band has so much energy, and I have never seen a mosh as rhythmic, and total as that one was, every person on the floor was moving, awesome….

Back to work, I have so much to do….

Hungry hungry hipppppppo and I hate daylight savings so glad it is over but now I am so not used to waiting this long for foooood

Wow what a teenybopper entry this turned into :)

Fucking Ants

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This is the the nasty little sight that welcomed us home from the movies on Friday night.

Aren’t they horrible? There were all these little egg sack larvae type things they were bringing in with them too, they seemed to think my lounge room wall was to be their new home. Fortunately a can of bug killer and a THOROUGH vacuuming seems to have put paid to that idea, we haven’t seen a single one since!

The world is pretty alright

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When my biggest complaint is we might have to wait 8 more weeks for the new lounge suite to arrive!

*smiles at the world* I am in a good mood today.

I didn’t post my pics of our ant plague did I? I will have to do that tonight, it was geeeee-ross!!!

I think mark will be coming to Julian Clary with me, although he made me promise I would not let him be dragged up on stage, under any circumstances, so I have promised. I am going to try Kitty one more time to see if she wants to come, but I am not holding out hope she will answer… I wish I knew what was up… I might call in on the way home and see if she is there.

Ahh I am in such a stirring mood, giving people on MSN so much shit today :) *chuckles*

This log of my life is so self centred, so irrelevant to most people, I never cease to be amazed that people keep coming back and reading it, that people care about some insignificant girl, often on the other side of the world, and her thoughts and feelings… I love you guys :)

Even the ones who say they hate me :P ;)

I am so tired…

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But in a pretty good way. The weekend was eventful and we have a lot of things to think about financially it seems. We have come to the conclusion we should grow up and buy a house, we are sick of the house we are in falling apart, but we don’t want to move again, we haven’t even been in this one for 6 months yet. So we started thinking about the 100% finance house and land packages. They are a trifle out of the question too though I think, for another 12 months anyway.

So we have decided to curb our social lives. Entertainment will be board games/DVD’s and BBQ’s, cut back on the alcohol expenditure, cut back on the pubs/bands nights and more stay at home nights *chuckles* Mark said we have to have more sex to occupy ourselves, I informed him this might be a problem, he looked offended for a few minutes til he realised I meant we are already having sex most days! Sometimes twice a day. *grins* too much information? Bad luck, my journal!

I am sitting here punching this dumbass firewire box thing I have under my desk, it is emitting this awful whining sound that stops temporarily when I kick or punch it. Think my boss will be impressed?

We saw The Butterfly Effect on Friday night, while it was a trifle dumb in places, I actually enjoyed it, although I left feeling rather depressed in the end.

C&J came over to hang out on Saturday night, we did grownup things like talk about houses and stuff, we are all getting old… it doesn’t feel so bad though :)

I have tickets for Julian Clary Monday night, but Kitty never answers her phone, bro said she is really depressed and she doesn’t want to talk to anyone at the moment, sighs, poor kitty. So I am left with a spare ticket… Musik want to come with me? I sell you cheap, we laugh long time…

*chuckles*

It’s my diary and I’ll whinge if I want to, whinge if I want to, whinge if I want to….

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I was so sick last night, every part of me felt wrong, like someone had jumbled up all my bits and put them back wrong, like a 2 year old doing a jigsaw, trying to make the round pegs fit in the square holes etc.

I was in bed at 8:30, watched some of the Simpsons then drifted off to sleep, only to wake up continually sweating, or shivering, or just feeling like the room was spinning. Then Mark started snoring and eventually I gave up and left the room, to sleep in our spare room.

I have a phobia of open closet doors when I sleep, and the one in that room doesn’t shut, needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep then either.

I finally dragged myself out of bed at 9:30 and came to work, but I have been pretty vague all day. The sweating/shivering has continued and I just feel horrible in general.

Whinge whinge whinge hey?

*pokes herself in the ribs*

I have school tonight too *sigh*

Happy St Pats Day Everyone.

House of 1000 Corpses

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I can’t believe I forgot to talk about this movie!!!

We went and saw it on Friday night with C&J, and it rocked. I love a movie full of so much gore and obscenity! Here’s hoping Rob Zombie feels the need to make amny many more movies in his career as a musician *chuckles*

Going to buy the DVD fairly shortly I would think.

Resolution

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Well I got home from school last night to a warm hug and a lot of kisses.

His exact words regarding my email were:

“Babe, there is nothing you could write in your journal that you couldn’t say to me. I am here, always, to listen, learn and love, unconditionally”.

Isn’t he the greatest?

*beams*

There was a lot of other stuff said, but it isn’t relevant to anyone else, so I shall just keep it all inside me and be happy.

I feel a bit better

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I decided, after talking to Steve for a bit, to send my last entry to Mark so we can actually talk about it tonight when I get home from school. He knows I keep these diaries, but he has no interest in reading them, he relies on me sending him anything he should know, otherwise, he leaves my internal thought process to me. Just knowing that we are able to discuss things, that I can send him something like that, tells me a lot about our relationship, and I feel better.

Thanks Steve (if you read this).

Too many dreams

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Mark and I have grown even closer it seems, although I wouldn’t have thought that possible. We were both in a very clingy mood all weekend, and were having to force ourselves to be socially acceptable while we had company and not paw all over each other in front of our friends/family. We stayed up til 4am on Saturday night, just exploring each other in every way possible, we talked so much, touched so much, we both slept so soundly through til lunch time on Sunday.

We have been married 4 months today, the time has flown past, it doesn’t seem that long ago that I was trying on dresses and worrying about saving enough money to pay for the wedding/honeymoon.

The problem is, despite never having thought it would be possible to love so much, so fully, to be so completely SURE of the choice I have made in my partner, he has been plaguing my dreams again. The dreams never reflect real life events, but they certainly bring back every ounce of heartbreak I went through with him, I wake up with tears in my eyes and my heart hurting so badly it feel like it will break. Even though I know I am dreaming, that these things that are happening cannot possibly be real, I am torn between waking myself up, and ending the dream, and thrusting myself deeper into sleep to keep hoping that this time it might turn out differently, this time he might love me enough to not hurt me. But that will never happen, even in a dream, I know it always was impossible now.

*shakes head* I wish every bit of me could forget about those times when things were so good for me and him, those nights where we felt invincible, like the people around us who condemned what we were doing didn’t matter, the people we hurt weren’t important enough to overtake the moment and ruin it. Those moments were few and far between though, and I know that the pain in between should be the thing I remember, to remind myself of why it didn’t work, why we couldn’t make it work.

*closes her eyes and breather softly*

I am stronger than this, and the love Mark and I share in the real world, is complete.