Monthly Archives: December 2002

Years nearly gone…

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*yawns* It has been a busy few days, well 5 really, I have been slack about updating.

Christmas was pretty good, we had a lot of fun in the sun, got a bit sunburned, but overall was very very happy with the way things turned out, hey I got a sno-cone maker and some swizzle sticks, how could I not be happy!

We went over to Anne’s for an impromptu dinner the other night which was a lot of fun, I love catching p with her and her fiance, and I will miss them heaps when they go travelling.

We both had hair cuts today, nice cheap ones from a chubby, down to earth, middle aged lady, just the way I like them! Bugger those fashionable places!

NYE is all planned too, we are going to drive down the coast in the campervan to a little town where Ben works and have a lovely night with about 10 others joining us :)

I spoke to exbf for a while on MSN before, seems they both want to be with him still and are prepared to forgive his transgression, but he has to make a choice, and he won’t. Before long he will have to lose them both… I hope he sorts himself out and becomes the person he has the potential to be…

I cooked lasagne last night before we went out, it was beautiful. I pureed the veges (well Mark did, he likes using my blender LOL) and mixed it in with the meat which made a funny coloured orange paste type stuff, but man it tastes good!

Oh well back to my forum haunting…

Eeek Christmas!

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Technically there is an hour left in the working year for me, although to me Christmas itself always feels like work. I will go home after lunch, gather together the presents for Mark’s family, have a shower, get changed and then we will make our way over to his grandparents for tea with a bunch of people that don’t overly like each other. We will all smile and ooh and aah over the presents we don’t want and the conversation will eventually die down to nothing until someone gets drunk. It doesn’t matter whose family it is, the procedure is the same when you cannot pick and choose who is going to be there. Tomorrow at Mum’s will be easier, everyone who will be there is a friend as well as a family member and we all love each other. No nasty people, no rude people. The way Christmas should be.

I still feel bad about totally ignoring my dad and his evil minions this year, but I am not going to be the first to make an effort with them EVER again. Been there done that had it thrown back in my face time and again.

Last night we braved Chadstone in a bid to get an idea of what Anne and her fiance have on their bridal registry. Nothing took my fancy to buy them though. I also had a quick look for bridesmaid shoes… UGH I hate shoe sopping with a passion. All of them are horribly ugly and I have fat feet so they don’t fit me anyways!

We had a BBQ breakfast here at work this morning, Musik and I had vege burgers in muffins as neither of us eat eggs or bacon. It was quite yummy actually, even with the 25% fruit orange juice *grins*.

The Christmas Party on Saturday night was a boring flop, as usual. I don’t know why we bother, give everyone a $50 Xmas bonus and they can entertain themselves is my opinion. The hotel was nice to stay in though, and the breakfast Mark thoroughly enjoyed, again, I don’t like many of the things served in a traditional buffet style, I did eat lots of fruit though :)

*yawn* I am so tired. Was out too late shopping last night.

Exbf messaged me last night, to tell me his situation had blown up in his face and both the girls hate him now. Funny how he didn’t think he was doing anything wrong really, yet they both did, and neither want to talk to him. Yet when I was in a similar situation, I ended up friends with everyone.

Well bro is on the phone, so I am gonna toddle off..

MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL!!!

Stuff. What you want more detail? Boring Stuff. More detail? Very very very boring Stuff, actually, don’t even read it!

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The day is drawing near and end. Emailing Lana and making more brochures, that is about it. I went down to the printers before to pick up some labels they made and the guy there gave me a bottle of wine and some other little goodies for X-mas, nice of them, considering I haven’t been there in nearly 6 months! I used to be stuck sitting there for hours fixing up things on their computer when they didn’t load my work correctly, Iw as a part time employee it seemed, helped out with other things while I was there sometimes.

Got a PM from *A* before so he is still alive and kicking, just not updating anything while he has exams. Fair enough, some people are conscientious (sp?). I am losing my touch on the forums though, i am not part of J’s signature anymore *teehee*.

We are having bro and Cat over for a BBQ lunch before the work party tomorrow night, I had forgotten all about it, bro reminded me at lunch time, I pretended I had remembered. Now I have to go shopping for BBQ stuff tonight.

*Laughs* I just emailed Lana a pic of *A* cos she asked what I have been doing lately and I mentioned forum flirting. She is gonna piss herself laughing, we have very different ideas of what is attractive in a guy…

Eep.

I wish the next 80 minutes would hurry up and pass.

I am not even in the mood to go out tonight, and Cat still has my purple cords so I dunno what I will wear out tonight, other than the nurse dress, I haven’t worn anything else out in ages!!

Eh one hour to go I am going to go and finsih off this brochure.

*yawn*

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I am so glad it is Friday! We are going out tonight to watch some crappy punk bands play with a band we really like, but it should be fun anyways. I am in a bit of a better mood at the moment… I am thankful for that as I am sure everyone else is too.

I picked up my replacement glasses this morning, yay the rash on the side of my face might go away now hopefully!

*A* still hasn’t turned up on the forum or on his livejournal… hmmmm.

I have finished 3 out of 6 brochures now, maybe I will get them all laid out by Christmas!! Then I will be a happy girly indeed.

I have to start getting stuff ready tonight for making the damn presents I still have to do for Christmas, once I start I enjoy it, but until then, it take a lot of motivation to get my ass in gear.

Musik just arrived at work not looking very happy… we don’t communicate as well as we used to though *sighs*. I never know whether to ask what is wrong or not.

John was supposed to be to be taking me for a ride on his Harley today, but I think he has probably forgotten, I don’t even know if he rode it in to work today or not!

Last night’s bedroom olympics *grins* have left me exhausted, I was planning on an early night, as I definitely need a lot of them, but hey I woke up with a smile on my face for the first time in a while, so I am NOT complaining!

Oh well back to cutting up brochures and glueing them together!

Still got nothing to say really

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Yet I still keep updating. Stupid hey?

I am not quite as screwed up as I have been for the last few days, might be the extra hour and a half sleep I got this morning by accident. I was up at 5am with incredible stomach pains again, same as the last few days, only eating makes it feel better and even then only for a few minutes then they are back. Walking last night helped for a bit, but then it started up again as we were nearing home.

I just wish all this Christmas business would hurry up and be over with.

We are booked in (just me and Mark) to stay the night at the hotel after the Christmas party, and there is a late checkout (3pm) on the package I checked in on, so I am happy about that :) Now to see if they have a pool or anything… *sigh* no… oh well :) will have to amuse ourselves in other ways there teehee.

I am pretty happy, I made a new layout for the brochures and my template actually lines up perfectly when you print it out and fold it up :) Score one for my poor tired deluded demented brain.

I have been getting PM’s galore over on the CH forum, I don’t know why, maybe I just seem friendly. I was complaining on one of the book threads that I can’t find Brothers in Arms by Margaret Weis and Don Perrin, and this guy I have never even messaged on there before offered to buy it for me and send it to me free of charge from USA as a Christmas present? How nice is that? I gave him the PO Box number though :) Don’t need a cyber stalker getting my home address. Not that I am mistrusting his motives, he seems genuinely nice in the posts I have read of his.

Only half an hour to go, and I am gonna go get a drink. Seeya.

More drivel

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Ergh. Exbf makes me just shake my head in exasperation still!! He is buying Christmas presents for both his little girlfriends… said he was pondering the other day, that there is not one girl in his life that he has ever been seeing on her own, with no one else on the side. I said oh really? Who were you seeing on the side with me? He laughed and told me I didn’t want to know. I assured him I did, and he said no one. He meant he was seeing me at the same time as Lisa, therefore he couldn’t say he had always seen me exclusively. Fair enough I guess. Even if he was cheating I don’t care :)

He is going to end up miserable and alone though, and I don’t want to see that happen, he has some good in him somewhere, he just needs to get all this crap out of his system.

*yawns*

Mark found an umbrella for Mum’s christmas present in Bunnings so he is going to take me there tonight to show me his finds… at least then all my Christmas shopping will be done with.

I still have nothing to say, except because I put FUCK in my last title, prior to changing it to Sweet FA, my update email musik would have normally received, went to my boss…. we will see if he opens it *sighs*

*A* hasn’t been online since I spoke to thim the other night, no posts on the forum… wonder if he failed his exams! Nah he’s too clever *smiles*

I think I had best stop writing before I end up with no notifiers left *sigh* Ijust seem to have all these thoughts just bubbling below the surface, that maybe, just maybe, if I keep writing they will coalesce into something that makes sense.

I hope my holidays clear my head a bit, a few weeks without work, full of fun and sun hopefully.

Mark and I are staying at the hotel after the Christmas party on Saturday night. It is going to be 40 degrees on Saturday so i want to sleep in a nice air conditioned room, we really can’t afford it, but fuck it I say. Exbf was calling me a tight ass before cos Mark and I only spent $100 each on Christmas for each other, fucking jerk he is.It is not how much you spend which he has not realised yet, it is how much love you give to the people you care about… Blah, how on EARTH did we last 7 years?

He said he spoke to his car loan place before and they updated his details, asked him if he was still living with me and he said thank god, no! Bah, I just laughed, said it wasn’t that bad, at least we are both still alive and happy now, not scarred for life!!

On that note I shall try to get some more work done, without my mind wandering off into fantasy land where I just get on a plane and go off somewhere else.

Sweet FA really

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I wish I knew what the hell is wrong with me these days, last night I was just in such a bad mood, stormed around the house throwing things at nothing until I burst into tears and just cried on Mark’s shoulder for half an hour. Eventually I just wanted to gt out of the house so we went to try to finish Christmas Shopping for my mum… didn’t work, went to three places and they had all sold out of what I wanted to buy. *sigh*

My back is feeling so bad today, I don’t know why. I have pains in my stomach too, no idea why either, know it wasn’t something I ate as I didn’t eat last night.

I go to all the forums and I read what everyone has written, I go to diaries and I read up on peoples lives, but I have nothing to say, nothing that could be of any interest to anyone. I was talking to Jus last night and she told me her review of Cog is being published in beat, now I know it is not hard to get published there, you just send something in and they print it, but I cannot write anything. I have tried, and tried. And tried some more. At night I have words flowing through my head, but I am too tired to lift my head off the pillow, and in the morning they are gone, away with the dreams and nightmares that are plagueing me continually.

I am just a miserable sack of shit these days.

Mark says he will be here for me no matter what, to listen to hold to love… but I don’t know if I could put up with someone behaving like me for very long… I am so sick of being overweight, lazy, uninspired and empty, devoid of all emotion at times and hating myself for not feeling the things I should and wishing to not feel some of the things I do.

I just wander through my days in a haze of pain and anger, hurt and denial.

Lost.

Hmmmm pics

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Erg I am so busy! But it is good. 4:30pm, only a half hour or so to go til I can go home. It is currently less than a week to go until holidays… yippy-aye-ay!

Spent last night chatting to *A* on ICQ. I am so glad he got me back on ICQ as Carl showed up just as I logged on for the first time in 9 months and we got to play catch up!! Made my day seeing him online again. It turns out the “rabid wombat” I sent him did surface eventually and is now the official guardian of his car…

Back to *A*. We chatted for about an hour… joked about our forum flirting (and the giant hole we are digging ourselves into on the public forums!) Seems everyone is handing us a cyber shovel to watch us create a mess of things *grins*.

Hmm yes I posted some more pictures on the forums from Friday night, eh I may as well post them here too…

I had never even met most of the people in the group shot photo before… but I know them (and their breasts) intimately now *grins*.

I posted off the stuff for kate and heather today, I hope it gets there reasonably quickly, I sent it air mail.

It is nearly home time though and I have a lot of things to finish.

Feelings

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Hmmm been musing over my flirtations online. I am reaching the conclusion that it is infinitely better to be quasi-interested in someone online in another country than to have a resurgance of feelings for him again. Anyone who has not been reading this for any length of time, may not know my theories on myself yet. I have to have a crush on someone or I am not me. It does not lessen the love I have for my dear fiance in the slightest, it is merely a fantasy world in my own mind. Hence it should remain fantasy as the whole thing with him is not fantasy, and hasn’t been for a long time, and I have no wish for any of that to come back into my life again.

Having said that, let’s call him *A* for now, certainly brings a smile to my face at the moment, he makes me laugh! I am assuming his ICQ message will justbe hey, hope you don’t mind me adding you blah blah blah. Considering I read his livejournal… I guess he can’t think I would mind! And no, he doesn’t have the link to this drivel :)

I am rambling today, thinking about everything and nothing all at once. Everyone and no one in particular. I cannot keep my mind on one topic for more than 5 seconds, and I am feeling all light and fluffy! Can’t wait for the working to be done with and the holidaying begin!

Netflirting and nurses outfits

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*grins*

The weekend was fantastic for the most part, dressing up Friday night to go out, which resulted in sore feet, damn high heels. Cat and I wore dresses we picked up in Savers for $3.99 each, hers was white and mine navy blue. We both left them significantly undone at the front :) We bought the daggiest knee high stockings we could find and we both wore read high heels. We also got white sunvisors and wore them upside down with red crosses stuck to the front of them. Red lipstick, black eye makeup, the works. I hope the photos turn out well!!

I have never been groped by so many people in a pub as I was on Friday, and there were mostly women, strangers coming up to me in the toilets! So much fun… even had a chick try to pick me up when I was sitting on Mark’s knee, I was so surprised! I thought we would be looked down on by the girls there as sluts, but they were worse than the guys! Although the guy Dylan ended up mock-humping was a classic too…

Cat was drunk as anything and kept telling me she loves me and wants to fuck me… *sighs* oh to be single again *laughs*. She also told me she is in love with her new boyfriend even though she doesn’t want to be and she is scared… I told her it will be fine, I didn’t want to fall in love with Mark either, but I couldn’t be happier for the most part!!

Saturday we finished most of our Christmas shopping.

Yesterday we went to Torquay to go swimming as the weather was fantastic. Had a great day.

Now I am sitting at work again, with only a little over a week to go before holidays and thanking the powers that be that it is going quickly.

*yawns* Damn Snowball stayed out til 3am last night and woke me up to come in by miaowing outside my bedroom window!!

This forum business is getting to be like it was with me and Matthew when we first started chatting to each other, when we were both single and lonely… obsessive… The guy I have been *net-flirting* with apparently ICQ’d me yesterday… I have not been on ICQ in ages, so haven’t seen what he said yet… Eh we shall see what we shall see…

I posted a pic of my boobs (in a bra) on Friday on a thread called *i will rate your breasts*. I felt sorry for the 15 guys hanging around the thread wating for someone game enough to post a pic, I have no shame. Mark thought it was hysterical, he is such a sweetie. He has seen most of my posts on the forums, he knows I am a nut.

We have got our new 19″ monitors at work, they rock!!