Sits here pondering her green stained fingers

We were playing scrabble last night and the green pen leaked all over me, no amount of soap and scrubbing could remove the stain from my fingers. Oh well, they are a distraction typing, I keep seeing green out of the corner of my eye.

I didn’t get time to write and entry yesterday, the day dragged like anything but it was really busy. My damn period pains always result into me eating way too much junk food. AFter dinner last night it was mud cake, then mixed lollies at 9 o’clock. I even taped Law & Order SVU so I could go to 7-11 and buy lollies, how pathetic yes?

We talked a lot about money last night, and I came to the conclusion that even if we save our asses off for the next six months, towards a semi achievable goal of $10,000 something will happen that will sabotage it. And if we do get the money, what if we can’t find a house. I don’t want Mark to be stuck indefinitely in a job he may well truly hate by then, just so we can buy a house, it isn’t THAT important. We can rent one together, and still be happy. It isn’t what we had hoped for, but maybe we will be able to save for the wedding a bit easier if we aren’t stressing over the house thing? I dunno it is all too much to think about at once.

I think my final conclusion was that I am going to buy a computer next month when I have enough saved, I won’t pay my car insurance upfront, I will pay the extra amount to make the payments monthly instead. Then I can use the computer to generate more income which I will save every cent of, and I will get work to take out more tax, to cover the amounts I will have to pay on my extra income at the end of the year. Sound like a plan?

I think so long as Mark and I are together, in our own place, things will be good, we will be happy, even if we don’t own it yet.

I was chatting to Anne and Lana yesterday via email about wedding plans. I think Lana and I eventually agreed on a style of bridesmaid dress we both like for Anne’s wedding. We are going to have dinner at Anne’s next Monday night to discuss it, and Anne and I are going wedding dress hunting tomorrow afternoon, just to get some ideas.

S apologised about Saturday and not coming to the Bridal Fair with us, said for me to make a list of shops I would like to visit and she will set aside a day late in September when she is finally free, with no plans. Yeah whatever. Some maid of honour. Half a mind to change it and make Anne that position instead, just to piss S off as much as she pisses me off sometimes. Nah I am not that childish to actually do it.

I think we should be able to use bro’s computer again finally. First he got more RAM, but it didn’t really help, then he bought a new Geforce4 for the computer, and it wouldn’t fit the motherboard, so he bought a new mother board and CPU and they wouldn’t fit in the tower, so yesterday he bought a new tower, he worked out is is going to have cost him $710 to play Warcraft 3 properly LOL. At least my Sims will run really well now And I told him to keep the $70 he owed me as a payment towards the computer and I get to use it this weekend to work on the site I have to make a start on.

I feel like I am being torn in all directions at the moment, I want to do these websites and get some extra money coming in, but I also want to spend every available moment with Mark and if I am not home at least half the week, bro feels abandoned and I feel guilty. So when I am with either of them, I don’t get a chance to work on anything. And I try to leave both of them together, but they are too much of a distraction to get anything done.

Got too may problems with people moving in with bro, Shay and Jess are going travelling for 3 months soon, Cat is going to Europe, Ben is going to Lorne for the holidays and H is going somewhere too and they are thinking of living with Na and her sister. He hasn’t got an income and Mandrake is too unstable emotionally. I asked Lana, but she wants to live in Brunswick and is hoping to move somewhere this week, which is too soon.

It occurred to me that f Mark gets a new job, we may not be so limited as to where we can live, but he doesn’t want to leave his job until he is sure it is going to end up screwing him.

At least I know, I am not leaving this job anytime soon, the last couple of months have been pretty good. I have had plenty of work to do and some of it has even been interesting, I quite like doing the packaging designs, except when my evil computer tells me my graphics in Illustrator are too complicated to be saved (like it did a million times yesterday) resulting in me having to crop pictures as close as I can to their actual size so they don’t need as big clipping paths *sighs again*

I think we are going to lose our chat programs though, my boss was telling me they are going to re-image all our computers to the same image, with all identical programs, and we have to give him any programs we want installed. Which means he won’t install trillian in the image, which means we CAN install it on our own again like we have, but he is planning on regularly re-imaging the computers so we would have to install it over and over and over again. I think that is his plan… we won’t be able to have it.

Well this is the most I have written in a long time, but it is all worthless drivel. I am not even helping myself figure anything out, I am no clearer now than I was an hour ago when I started. *sighs*

Help?