“So far what I know of you is that you are a very beautiful person in many ways, intelligent, fun and funny, inspiring, individual, very attractive, dedicated, passionate, and much more than meets the eye and as I get to know you better the list will go on.” That is what Mark sent me this afternoon in response to Part II of my sad life – the high school year 
Chatting to Mark… we might both wag work tomorrow and do something fun 
Well. That solved one issue. He has gone to Adelaide Big Day Out (tomorrow). So I guess that will be a non-attendance at our party… hmmm funny it wasn’t mentioned on the phone last week at all. Bah to that. I am trying not to be disappointed, after all I knew the non-attendance was a pretty likely scenario *grrr at self for dumbness* So why am I still thinking about it? Cause I wanted to get the whole damn thing over with, to sort it out for better or worse Just get over it? Write it off as not going to happen then? Take the sign as it is delivered? Bite me bitch Fine then I shan’t return if you are going to treat me like that Fine then Fine . . . . . . . . Fine… *runs away with last word* Ahh fuck I am nuts. I actually just found myself thinking, well if he isn’t coming… maybe I should just ring Mark and see if he wants to??? Am I that desperate for somebody this weekend? I cannot be alone for another one??? No quite possibly not, it may be good for me but it certainly isn’t any fun *sigh* Oh I am pathetic… but I am still not miserable like I used to be, I am still pretty good, I am not upset, just disappointed. Wondering at the truthfulness of the current shit going on Triple M from this morning show’s confessional… it is blah bizarre. I think they have set it up, it is getting worse and worse, they are advertising part 2 tomorrow, it is sick. Jerry Jerry Jerry can we all say together… I am lonely though. But I don’t want any more casual encounters that mean nothing, I at least want to know I will speak to the person again!! J isn’t writing back to my emails about whether he is coming over tonight… probly better given my current clutching at straws state of mind hey??? LOL… I am not going to call anyone. I am going ot have another man free weekend and I shall damn well enjoy it… for god’s sake it has only been 16 days since I was last with someone!!! FUUUUUCK!! lol… stupid girl. *grins stupidly before she turns into a transparent pumpkin*
Weeeeellll. It all started out with my train leaving early *grrr at M-Train* and I missed it. I was standing there thinking, should I call, say I will be 15 mins late?? Ummm… when my mobile rang, Mark, running 20 minutes late, he forgot his wallet and had to u-turn to go get it. Phew, saved me the dilemma. I got to the bar at 20 past 6, 20 minutes late. I was pretty sure he wasn’t there, but he had mentioned a Hawaiian shirt at some point and this freaky old guy wearing one was staring at me… I got really nervous, was 99% sure it wasn’t him… but that 1% was troubling me. I went up to the bar, and a friend of my brothers from high school was working so I chatted to her for a while. She did the whole axe murdering interest chatters speech at me *laughs* then told me she did the same thing the week before and it was a disaster. I said hmmm thanks for the confidence boost LOL. I sent him a message at 37 past, to see if he was actually there and my lack of observational skills had missed him somewhere, he rang back a few minutes later to say he was walking up Elizabeth street and was not far away. I saw him coming up the escalator, but I pretended I didn’t and just talked to Stace a bit more. He tapped me on the shoulder and did the whole, move to the other side so she looks like a twit move. Bah *boys*. I said seeya to Stace and we took a table, the first few minutes, were like, ummmmmm what to say???? We sorted it out pretty quickly though and when I looked at my watch, 3 hours had flown by just talking and laughing, it was really easy I was surprised actually, in a good way. He is soooo not my type looks wise, but he isn’t unattractive, and I have been known to stray from my type before… so I guess there is hope, there is definitely a spark personality wise, he is so nice and easy to talk to, and interesting, but looks wise, I guess we will wait and see if anything progresses there. S was telling me all day, now don’t you SLEEP with him girl, kiss him okay, but don’t you DARE fuck him lmao. I ensured I wouldn’t, I didn’t shave my legs under my jeans and I wore my daggiest underwear *grin* I was pretty sure it wouldn’t be that type of date anyways, but it doesn’t hurt to have a little extra insurance sometimes *wink* I told him at 10:15 that I really should get home, had to get up at 6:30 etc, and he offered to drive me home. I laughed. “You won’t abduct me?” he grinned, most evilly, “I’ve thought about it but if you don’t want me to, I guess not” I laughed again. We got to the car park where he had paid for parking… it closed half an hour earlier!!! $40 call out fee oooooops. Then this other guy with a permanent pass went in… so we followed *lol* and found Mark’s car… He drives a new station wagon, must be to hold his surfboards. We hightailed it down 4 levels, following the other car really fast to try to get out with him, even to the point of scooting under the boom gate with the car as his ticket wouldn’t have worked now. BANG! The boom gate hit the back of his car. Shit. Oh well, only a scrape he just laughed, I am sure he would have been CURSING as soon as I got out of the car LOL. But he played it cool in front of me. He dropped me at my house, but he didn’t turn off the car which I was thanksful for, would have felt pressured for something then, he just said thanks for a nice night, for the company, we should do it again sometime. I kissed him on the cheek goodnight and went inside. I sent hima message later just saying thanks again etc. He wrote back with “Thank you very much as well ~LIFE~. I had an extremely excellent night. Looking forward to your company next time. ;o)” Sweet awwwwwww. LMAO. I have nothing bad to say about him, but nothing to rave about either. He is just a REALLY nice guy *smiles* I will see him again, unless of course he decides he is madly in love with me and can’t live without me LOL fat chance, but we can all dream. I think we will talk, it will be shoved to the back of my mind and stamped on as hard as I can. But oh well, maybe Mark will work out as something nice?? I don’t know. I am debating asking if I can come to Torquay with him next time goes surfing… I love the beach. Well we will see how it pans out I guess… no strings, no pressure, no nothing. *spins in a slow lazy circle and vanishes*
Wahay. I confused it. I got 3 answers LMAO. Typical. See which Greek Goddess you are. See which Greek Goddess you are.
His face is just sitting there smirking at me. “You can’t have me hahahaha” it says to me. “You want me, you can’t have me” I tell it to shut up, stop smirking at me lol… doesn’t work *grin* I sound insane. I realised the point where I decided I wanted to meet Mark was when I mentioned I love the Young Ones and he sent me a msg saying “Hello pussycat, what you doing in a bucket?”. I was sold, hook line and sinker. My favorite line from a TV show EVER! Alexei Sayle, what a genius! *grins* maybe i will redo my diary in a Young Ones theme?? Okay I’m sold, off I go.
Well I spoke to him. We are meeting in the city after work at a bar. I am nervous now, we tlake don the phone for a bit, but I was embarrassed cos our computer tech was here and I wound up tellin ghim it was a blind date *giggle* he said oh god please tell me you are kidding. I just laughed. He was quite nice to talk to though, didn’t have a horrible voice so that is a start. I found a photo of him last night. One of the old passport photos from some ID or another. I have it on my desk now *sighs* I am such a pathetic shit sometimes. I think I will call him tonight depending what time I get home from drinks with Mark. See if he is coming down for the weekend or not. I mentioned the Mike Patton show to Mandrake before. I think if they come they will be staying for that, so maybe 3 whole nights…. which will be awesome if I get a positive response, but hell if I don’t. Oh what do I do what do I do?? I wrote part 2 of my life story to Mark this morning, he won’t get it before he sees me though. I got a bit depressing so I put in a disclaimer, that I am usually more like my chat self. I save my depressed boring maudlin self for my diary and you wonderful readers hehe sorry, you do see my happy side too Like i have been on a happy note for a while now eh? Good yeah? Well I am waffling for lack of work to do as usual. He just sent me a message “Giday ~LIFE~, how was your lunch? R U lookin forward to tonite? I am and a bit nervous too.” Awwww how sweet, he’s scared of me already muahahahahahahaha
I’m here at work. It is 8:55am, I have been here for 1 hour and 25 minutes. Angus started here this morning so I had to get him here by 7:30am. It hurt. A lot! We went to bed about 3ish cos it was his birthday yesterday, Nay was over and one of Bro’s other friends. Angus is a jerk to her a lot, she was really upset last night, he told her he met someone who can make him happy (ie not her). I was so mad at him, she took him on a cruise for lunch as a present and he told her after she paid while he ate, asshole. I mean I still like the guy, but that is not on. Anyway, I have not done any work yet. Mark and I swapped phone numbers yesterday, he is going to call me today to make plans to do something tonight. J is coming over to talk tomorrow night. He should be here Friday night. Friend’s party Saturday night. Coffee with a friend on Sunday. Mike Patton solo show Monday night. Tomahawk concert Tuesday ngiht if I get tix. Tea Party concert Wednesday night. Full on week, I am happy with it. Very damn tired, but happy with it. Wondering if Mark will actually call. Mandrake is going to find out if he is still coming Friday night when he seems him later. Oh what a tangled web we weave!!
Grrrrr at DD. I cannot leave anyone comments, sorry to everyone I have normally written to by now, but if you don’t have unauthenticated comments, I cannot leave one at the moment *sighs*. Anyhooo, I am thinking I am going to meet Mark (see descriptions on link above). He is so nice, and I am hoping that there might be a “spark” in real life. I am determined I cannot spend anymore time thinking about him. If he comes down on Friday night for the party, we are going to have THE TALK. The one that says do you want to stop screwing around and be serious? Or do I just forget it? I will wait till he is pissed though lol, he talks better then. Not as shy. I don’t want to mess with Mark though, you know? I want to have it all sorted with him so I am not holding on. Exbf rang me before. He wants money. *sighs* from our joint credit account. I am sick of it. Friday night I went to see Hinge and FSD again and to perve at the bartended. Turn out both bro and Angus know him, not just bro, so they are working on it for me lol, we will see. He works 7 nights a week, not much point really, might be fun though *grins* I hope I don’t sound TOOOO boy crazy now, lol, I missed out on a lot during my teen years *grins* Saturday night I flaoted in the beach. Salty water rushing over my face, ears below the water, blocking out the children screaming, the girls giggling and the boys splashing. I floated, oblivious to everything bar the sun on my face, warming me and the water beneath, cooling me. I floated for 10 minutes, it was the most peaceful I have felt in 12 months or more. I felt real, whole, awake, alive. I then spent half an hour hunting for tiny spiral shells on the beach, I want to make a ring out of them. Not sure how, but I will get there… System of a Down show was awesome. I have bruised ribs, they hurt like hill. We got there at 8pm, stayed on the barrier through Frankenbok and the start of System til assholes got us out of the way. Photos to come soon
Hello. This is from an email I sent to one of my new potentials, Mark. It is basically a background of my life for anyone who is interested… I was born just before dinner time in Mordialloc/Chelsea hospital. My mum was rapt, she got to eat straight after I was born (I guess that is where my distint love of food came from!!). My brother was born just before breakfast, again, happy mother. My mum and dad lived in a shack on the beach, just two or three rooms, which they rented before I was born. The first six months of my life were spent living there with them. Eventually they got a notion in their heads of being “real” parents and settled down into buying a two bedroom cottage in Carrum near the Patterson River. I lived here for the next 11 years. My best friend was born around the time of us moving in, she lived across the road. My mum and hers soon became friends as both were on maternity leave from work, and S and I grew up like sisters. We are still friends to this day, and chat on MSN daily and see each other at least once every two months. We have both moved around a lot, but our lives have paralleled one anothers enough that we always eventually end up in the same area. I was a shy kid in primary school, S was always the bossy outgoing one, and when we went to different schools, I had no idea how to make friends, having had Sara born into the role. Eventually I did make friends, one of whom I have recently found on the internet after 15 odd years and started emailing her. I was actually sporty while growing up, I did ballet, gymnastics, rollerskating lessons, played volleyball and softball at school. But my only real llove was swimming, having been born with sea air in my veins, I love the beach. I started swimming lessons at the age of three, and still love it. I used to do the LifeSaving program but moved out of the area just before going for my bronze medallion at a young age. My mum and Dad separated just after my brother was born, I was 5 at the time. We didn’t see Dad for quite a while. I went to Carrum primary school for my entire primary school life and loved it. I looked forward to high school with my friends, (yes I actually liked school, even as a little kid!!). Unfortunately this was not to come to pass. Mum’s new boyfriend had been offered a job coaching football (he used to play for Carlton) in a small country town and we were going with him. I was devastated. My brother was too young to really know or care what was going on, and he loved mum’s boyfriend, having never really known our father really well. Upon arriving in the country, I hated it on sight and became a bitch of a child. I refused to take up any activities after school, didn’t study nearly as hard as I should have and developed an “attitude problem” with my teachers. I didn’t fit in with the country girls who were all pretty and feminine, I had always been a tomboy, so I hung with the guys more. I picked up my Cock Rock obsession from them. Until that date I had previously loved John Farnham and Indecent Obsession, although I always hated New Kids on the Block (I remember my friend in primary school trying to teach me the dance steps to Hangin’ Tough and me failing dismally, I just hated the song *grins*). So I blasted GnR and Motely Crue and Skid Row at all possible opportunities. I picked up my teen angst at the age of 11!! *grins* My mum’s boyfriend started to harass her about controlling me, but I think even then she felt guilty about moving me away from my life. So she was never as harsh with me as she could have been. I did eventually make friends with the girls, but they wanted me to sit around listening to Janet Jackson and talking about cute boys. I wasn’t interested. I tried to convert them to my tastes, it didn’t work. Eventually we learned how to agree to disagree. 4 of these girls are still part of my “best of friends” circle today, despite not having much in common with many of them! I do play netabll with them though once a week, well it varies which one of them is playing with me. I lasted 3 years in the tiny school of 80 students, I did pretty well in school, but nothing mindblowing. I failed science and P.E. I got chubby from never exercising. I hated the town more and more as lies and rumours spread like wildfire everywhere. Eventually we moved from the rented farm to buying one even further out in the middle of nowhere. It made it hard to have friends over, or to visit people. My dad started seeing a new girlfriend who I thought was awesome, she was so cool. She listened to cock rock music, she dressed like a teenager, to my 13 year old mind, she was a perfect rolemodel. I went down to Melbourne to stay with them as many weekends as I could. I hung out with her kids who were my age. They drank and smoked and took drugs, but I steered clear of that, preferring to just watch. NYE at the end of Year 9 I drank for the first time. I had acquired a half bottle of Southern Comfort from somewhere. My friend and I were both leaving the town and celebrated, well we thought heavily, wwe only drank 1/3 of what was left and we felt sick lol. I think that is enough now, I shall leave you with my story at the age of 14….