11:24AM

I am at home. I just got out of the shower, I feel a little bit better now, but not much. I went to the doctor this morning, stupid Arab or whatever he was, made me cry. Well I think it was me that made me cry, but he set it off… My flu is back, I went to see if I could get another round of antibiotics, no dice. I thought while I am here, I’ll try talking to a doctor about my sleeping problems… bad idea. Now I am supposedly in need of a psychiatrist because I cannot sleep. Last night I slept for about 10 minutes, woke up for about 20, slept for 15, woke up for 15, and so on and so on. I just cannot shut down my brain. Even if I don’t think about anything in particular, a song will get stuck in my head and I won’t be able to sleep. I used to be able to just control my breathing until I slept, In 2 3 4, Out 2 3 4 etc, counting them put me to sleep, now, nothing does. I am an absolute mess this morning.

I am still debating the merits of atually going in to work… it all just seems too hard for me this morning. I don’t know if I can face getting dressed in work clothes, driving, talking, working, you know the whole deal.

I just wanna crawl back under my rock and hide forever… seeya.

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“Americans have different ways of saying things. They say “elevator”, we say “lift” … they say “President”, we say “stupid psychopathic git.”

Alexei Sayle

BRING BACK ALEXEI SAYLE!!!!!

2:15PM

Dum de dum… bored. Boss hasn’t shown up again, apparently he has a migraine. I cannot do the things I need to do until he comes in at some stage *sigh*. He told me we would discuss my pay rise this week too… I know what he feels like with a migraine though, I get them too, I hate it though and wish I didn’t get them. I can be bed ridden for days when they are really really bad…

Enough of that though…

I really like this keeping a diary thing, I am still trying my best not to restirct myself from writing exactly what I feel in spite of knowing that everyone can read it :) Maybe one day someone I know will stumble upon it, maybe not…

I had a horrible lunch today and keep tasting is *burps & giggles*.The cafe near work usually makes nice pasta but not today. I was celebrating being able to afford to buy lunch as boyfriend got paid today, but it wasn’t nice *pout* and we have been SO broke for SO long…

Dumdedum…

I hate Maddison Avenue… stupid goddamn MIX FM I have to get to work early tomorrow, make sure we have Triple M for a day…

Arrrhg too many emails to write… I have to get off this hot or not stuff, it is generating waaaaay too mnay people to communicate with. Then I get sidetracked reading other DD’s… not a good combination for a working girl… (no not that type of working girl, sheesh get your mind out of the gutter people!!)

Blah Blah Blah

I am doing my utmost to not think about anyone I shouldn’t be… but it is hard… just keep thinking bout him… *sigh* and running into Mr. X on Sunday night was a little disquieting too… he used to mean a WHOLE LOT to me at one stage, and while I know I don’t want anything from him now, it got me thinking about what was… what happened, what DIDN’T happen and what I would have done if I had let him drive me home considering I was a little tipsy… But I said no, I was charming and friendly as usual and steadied my shaking emotions quite well, and now won’t see him for another year probably LOL… which is good. I don’t want to get back onto that huge rollercoaster again…

Blech…

I better get back to work again now…

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“Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”

John Mendosa

3:10PM

INCUBUS RULES

The concert was amazing!! I took some dodgy photos of the band and their support act Anotherrace (f.k.a. Biscuit). Click here to see the Incubus shots and here to see Anotherrace (support band). I did have the pics up in here, but everyone kept seeing the dreaded red x’s…. sorry people! The incubus ones mainly show Brandon Boyd, the incredibly attractive lead singer of Incubus *grin*. There is just something beautiful about attractive, talented musicians… mmmmm *giggle*

Support band Anotherrace gave a great show!! Very talented Melbourne band…

With a singer who looks enough like Scott Weiland on stage to make a good looking show *giggle again, I am terrible today huh?*

Well what can I say except it was a phenomenal show and I had the best night in a long time. I went and saw Melbourne band Dern Rutlidge on Saturday night too, I have updated my webpage with reviews of a few shows recently, Dern amongst them. I am looking forward to seeing them a few more times as well as Anotherrace.

The car got found on Sunday night just before we left to go to Incubus, it had been stripped totally, went and saw it yesterday, just makes me so fucking angry… I hate some people. But we should end up getting two cars which is good. I will be one step closer to being on my own.

I saw someone on Sunday night I had not seen in a long time… long long time. Was good, we can still be friends, makes me happy… but oh god he is beautiful… I just feel like *giggling* today :) Must be the concert, has put me on a high. I drank a little much on Sunday night too, but not enough to lessen the impact of the show, only enough to heighten it *big grin*

Well I have lots of work to do, best get back to it…

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“What are you waiting for?

A certain shade of green?”

10:32AM

My life cannot get much worse surely. I shouldn’t say that should I. It can always get worse. Okay rephrase, without anyone dying, it cannot get any worse.

Boyfriends car (remember, the one I smashed a few weeks ago?) well it got stolen last night and remember from yesterdays entry how we hadn’t made our payment? Well they want that today, and $500 excess and $200 security deposit for the hire car. And my mummy isn’t answering her phone and I need to borrow the money *sob* I just want to crawl into the sand and sleep for 100 years.

Well slightly more positive, I only have to come up with $350 now as the excess will be paid out of the payout. It still fucking sucks though. The only positive thing i can think of is that once it is paid out we might be able to buy two cars, maybe get a loan for another couple of thousand so we can spend about $5k each on a car. Then boyfriend won’t owe me so much money. That would make me a fair bit happier… but we have to wait and see what happens. They are dropping a hite car off at home this afternoon which is good.

The fucked thing with the car being stolen is that we had just put $1000 worth of tires on interest free and haven’t even made the first payment yet and the tank was full of petrol which is $60 and there were about 30 CD’s in the car… some of which I had only listened to once! That is what really bites hard.

We were all going to get Chinese delivered for lunch and the bloody place has closed down. It is not my day, just not my day.

Apparently there were tons of cars stolen in our area last night, a real little crime wave… why couldn’t they have taken my car too???? Bastards.

Oh well life goes on…

Phooey.

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“You can’t have everything, where would you put it?”

2:12PM

I am hot. Blech. For once it is sunny in Melbourne and I roasted away in a car at luch time. It was great to get out of the office for a long drive though. Lady I work with (no I am not whinging about her this time :) had to go take KFC to her son cos he forgot his lunch so I went for a cruise up to Plenty… was nice out there.

I get to spend the rest of the glorious afternoon in our potential new printers office though and that bites.

Poor Snowball kitty is in so much pain. She had a lot of dead skin tissue around the abscess which all had to be cut away, and that didn’t leave enough flesh for the real stitches to be put into so she has tons of little sutures instead and they seem to hurt her, they keep pulling when she moves. She was a grumpy little kitty when Ipicked her up from the vet, I think she left as many wounds on the vet staff as they left on her… didn’t leave the same impression as MiniFat did, everyone loved him. But she was very very affectionate this morning and didn’t want me to go to work, cried at me. It was so cute, but sad. Oh well she has a tube now, and it has to come out on Sunday, so 3 more days. Then all her sutures have to come out a few days after. She isn’t allowed outside or near the other cats though which is a pain, means two sets of food and kitty litter, but if it helps her get better…

It cost me over $300 all up, but I couldn’t bear to lose on of my kitties just cos I was broke, so I paid it… even though I don’t have the money. The credit card is $800 over the limit and the rent was due and we got a nasty letter from GIO saying our car insurance payment had bounced… Fuck… *sob* life sucks. But kitties come first… fuck the car payment.

Oh well that is my life story, over and over again I get to repeat the same set of circumstances as the cycle of shit keeps happening.

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“I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe”

12:00AM

Technically I guess this should be tomorrow. And I should be in bed. :)

My cat has to go to the vet again tomorrow. Actually a different cat than last time, but she has to get a tube as well, in her leg. So there goes my savings again *big sigh* I am getting tired of this. I am never going to be able to leave here. Boyfriend is at Megadeth concert *oh joy, Megadeth*

I just got my ass totally kicked at Kiss Pinball by my brother but I think I need to go to sleep, as I have to get up early to go the vet before work. So I had better not try to beat it now!!!

Wish someone was on MSN… bored. Tired, yet not in the slightest… Usual situation. Have to get poor Snowball off the nice warm monitor before she falls asleep and falls off again as usual. It is no wonder her leg is full of pus (charming thought huh?)

Oh and Rose, I though Sezrah sounded familiar… you must have mentioned her before… nice to have a friend of my Rosie stop by anytime Sezrah!!

Well I best toddle off to beddybyes. Too tired to think of an interesting quote type thing so here is a bad joke I heard yesterday instead.

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Did you hear about the Chinese couple with the disabled baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong.

4:30PM

I went ahead an emailed the guy I was complaining about the other day… the one who stopped emailing. Turns out he is just busy :) So I am happy. I don’t mind waiting for emails so long as I am reasonably sure they will turn up eventually!

Thanks for the comments Sezrah! Although you may not see this as you just finished reading today’s entry :) I really appreciate people that stop by leaving me something. Lets me hang onto a little bit of everyone and makes me feel wanted :)

Well that is it for me, I had nothing else to say!!

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“You can’t have everything, where would you put it?”

3:35PM

As you can see I am really bored today. I have so much work to do but I am just not motivated at the moment.

I had a nice long chat on MSN this morning with my new buddy from the other side of Melbourne… he wants me to come partying with him and all his other teenage friends at the Hallam hotel. I might one night, just for a laugh.

I love this Hot or Not stuff… I have met so many of the coolest people. I got put on to another site by someone else called facethejury.com but it is full of 15 year old cheerleaders… :) Not my type. And they don’t seem to like me either… I am too normal. Bah. :) Heartbroken LOL…

I am soooooo bored!

My friend is back online again, and has been thinking about my “predicament” I wonder what his advice is going to be… I will take any advice at the moment. Surprise surprise. End it with your boyfriend and get outta there. Reckons the other guy I like is holding off from saying anything to me until I am single. It is plausible… but oh hell who knows. Ughhhh men suck.

Dum de dum.

Egads zzzzzzzz

Goshdarnit.

Dagnamit.

Seeya.

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“”At some thoughts one stands perplexed – especially at the sight of men’s sin – and wonders whether one should use force or humble love. Always decide to use humble love. If you resolve to do that, once and for all, you can subdue the whole world. Loving humility is marvelously strong, the strongest of things, and there is nothing else like it.” – Fydor Dostoevsky

1:40PM

Just thought I would put something little up here for fun :) I might make it a rotating one, so you can have different polls all the time :) And now you can anonymously let me know how you view me :) Vote ont he basis of one or all entries. Although I am sure no one has actually read all my old entries :) Take care peoples :)

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9:28AM

I slept last night. Thank god. Actually I promised him I would thank him if I did so I said a little “prayer” in the car this morning on my way to work (late as usual). I don’t actually believe in god, but a promise is a promise.

Arrgh there is an ad for Orange1 on the radio… DON’T DO IT AUSTRALIA! They suck. Big time.

I did jack shit last night as usual. Watched The Secret Life of Us and played Kiss Pinball again. I nearly missed out on TSLOU as boyfriend wanted to watch dumbass NASCAR racing. Blech. Fortuantely he let me watch it, HIS show is repeated over and over, mine isn’t so there…. *mentally pokes tongue out at him*

Ate Hungry Jacks yet again. But the vouchers have expired now so we won’t be going back there for a while and now I am going to have to cook again. Anyone with any really good simple recipes, please leave me a comment with them :) Or email me :)

Yay… I have someone on my mailing list :) Now I shall have to be careful not to bombard anyone :) Hopefully this will be the first of many…

Bloody Fox FM all day again *sigh* that’s my punishment for being late. ANd they are playing the worst song in the world. Goddamn Crazy Town – Butterfly. Okay not as bad a Limp Bizkit’s new stuff, but bad bad bad.

Okay I am going to get both serious and maudlin and be a pain in the ass for a few paragraphs. Sorry.

I have started writing yet another letter to the guy I am in love with. But I cannot bring myself to finish it and send it. It will be a final one if I get the answer I expect, which I deserve. And I don’t know that finally knowing will be better than the moronic hope I feel now. I keep telling myself to leave the whole thing alone until I get out of my current situation, which I am working on. I finally have my savings almost built up enough to move house and leave him with a little bit of money so he doesn’t get into financial worries with the landlord (in spite of the $8000 he owes me).

Oh wow off the track as usual. Well I started writing it yesterday. He told me at the 21st we went to recently that he is no good at talking about stuff like that, only writing it down –> so I figured I should ask him to do that???? Oh god I dunno… he is 19 and he is making me act like I am 15. I should get over it I know. I am 23… move on girl…

Oh never mind. Forget I said anything… or tell me I suck and I am an idiot, whatever :) I am easy –> either way :)

Blah… that is my mood today. Blah.

Well I better toddle off and do some work.

Catchya.

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“The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.”